Husband embarrassed when I felt unwell

[OneBrightCrow]

My husband and I were at the wedding of one of his uni friends on Wednesday. It was a great day however I came over unwell during the speeches, probably due to not having enough to eat before a couple of Proseccos. I was not drunk at all, but came over pale, felt clammy and like I was going to collapse. I didn’t want to cause a fuss by getting up and leaving, but felt so awful that I put my head down on the table. I understand that this could have looked rude but I’m pretty sure the other tables did not notice, and everyone on our table could see that something wasn’t right.

Despite asking my husband to just leave me be for a few minutes, he persisted in trying to get me to leave the room, but his persistence was really not helping, and I tried explaining that if I stood up I was afraid I would collapse or be sick, and I absolutely did not want that to happen.

He wouldn’t let it go so eventually I managed to stand up and sat outside for a bit until I felt better; but I wasn’t quite right for the rest of the day. I chose not to drink any more, but even after multiple glasses of water I was struggling with the noisy room and drunk people getting a bit close for comfort. We found a quiet room with a sofa where I sat for a while, and he asked if I wanted to leave. I said no but we argued when I tried encouraging him to rejoin the party so that he could see his uni friends that he rarely gets to see, including his best friend who had come just for the evening reception; but he kept saying we should be there as a couple.

He got a bit arsey, questioning how I was feeling and saying that he has never known me to “do this” as though I was choosing to behave this way. I said I felt very pressured by him, and was hurt that he had been more concerned about how I was appearing to other people than whether I was OK!

He eventually stormed off and returned about half an hour where we argued again, so I just grit my teeth and rejoined the party even though I still felt unwell.

It’s left me feeling quite hurt about it, and even when I tried talking to him about it (thinking that now he’s sober he would be a bit apologetic) he maintains that putting my head on the table was rude and we would have to agree to disagree.

Am I being unreasonable in feeling hurt??

I am not sure how old you are, but I started having episodes like this as I got into my late 30s. I have no idea what they are, it's just something that happens if I don't eat for a long period and I will come over woozy and disorientated. Perhaps low blood sugar or something.

It sounds like your husband didn't believe how unwell you felt. He doesn't sound like a complete bastard, it just sounds like he was lacking empathy.

If you came here for reassurance, so you can feel validated then hopefully we can provide it: This happens, people can feel unwell and I know how it feels to be unable to sit up. You deserved empathy. My husband would have rested my head on his shoulder and been concerned. Sorry you didn't get that on the day you needed it.

I am also sorry some of the posters here are accusing you of being drunk. Having been to many weddings and worked in catering weddings in my younger years, I know the drill: 1 glass of prosecco per person during the drinks reception. 1.5 at a complete push. Another half glass at the table for speeches. You probably only had a couple, and it's obvious you were poorly and not pissed.

Please. It's 3 units at the absolute most. It doesn't sound like she necked them both in 10 minutes either.

It's really worrying that your husband wasn't in the least bit concerned about you. Especially, if by his own admission you "never do this". You were expected to shut up and stop embarrassing him in front of his clearly more important friends.

Sorry but I would be rethinking the marriage if my husband did this. If my husband was close to fainting and acting so unwell I'd be so worried about him. I wouldn't be angry at him or treat him the way your husband did. Nasty.

I highly doubt 2 tiny glasses of prosecco was enough to cause a fainting spell. There's a big difference between feeling tipsy on an empty stomach and almost passing out.

Putting your head on the table during the speeches is embarrassing behaviour OP as it's the sort of socially unacceptable thing people do when drunk, not when they're ill. You'd have drawn far less attention quietly asking your H to help you outside that acting in a noticeably odd way, so in his shoes I'd have felt embarrassed. After that I think I'd have either taken you home or if you felt happy alone booked you a taxi. I think it ended up the worst of all worlds with you enduring the event and his friends thinking you were drunk/odd so I'd be frustrated if I were him. I'm probably biased though after one to many events of my own ruined by a partner who despite being an adult never quite seemed to grasp that alcohol had an effect.

Blame the hosts for not serving canapes with drinks, cheapskates.

Clammy and Pale is a world apart from pissed tbh. And 2 glasses of prosecco plus a full meal and evening food would have no effect, OP said she still felt off all evening so clearly that wasn't her being unable to handle her drink ffs

DP sounds like an arse and more concerned about how he looks than taking care of his loved one, be it one who's taken a funny turn or is pissed up.

Literally no one will remember this by now anyway so forgot the evening but not how he treated you.

Yes - I would have insisted he leave. Putting your head on the table is very rude.

However, there’s no reason why he couldn’t have left you later when you told him to.

So you were both wrong.

Putting your head on the table.

I'd have been embarrassed and pissed off at you too OP

And to pps I'm neither a snob nor sanctimonious. It's just embarrassing

I couldn't be with someone who was embarrassed when I felt unwell.

I have fainting spells, and if I felt unwell at a wedding the last thing I'd do is stand up because that would be an instant faint. If anyone judged me for putting my head down until it passed enough for me to leave, that's disgusting behaviour.

As for the person who is supposed to care about me more than anything else, if they treated me like crap because I was unwell, and acted embarrassed about it - they'd be gone. Your partner should be comforting when you're at your worst, not embarrassed.

Blame the hosts for not serving canapes with drinks, cheapskates.

Rather than the adult who's responsible for what she puts in her own body?

It was a joke pet. Pull the stick out

You'd be embarrassed and pissed off if the person you love was so unwell they felt like they'd collapse, so they tried to stop it?

Your poor partner 😔

I can see both sides really. You being scared to stand up and leave (and it would also have looked rude) and him being embarrassed by this rather bizarre behaviour.
I think my DH would have been both embarrassed and concerned and would probably have been fussing over me.
You say he should have home to hang out with his friends but in reality you'd probably have been annoyed by his lack of concern.

Yes, the poor partner. Let’s all pray for them. In a circle.

Christ I'd be mortified if my DH put his head down onto the table during wedding speeches!

As I'm absolutely certain 99% of people would.

I agree with the other posters I wouldn't be happy if my parent did that. If the sexes were reversed you defintely have been told you were yabu you were pissed and didn't eat.

You drank early in the day in an empty stomach and came over all funny.

Of course you embarrassed him by putting your head on the table during a wedding meal. If you can’t hold your booze, don’t drink.

The voting would look very different if you were honest in the thread title the voting would be very different.

Your not pregnant are you, I felt like this at one of my husbands work do,s and 9 months later 🙄

@WalkingonWheels Yep. I would be embarrassed at the head on the table.

Poor partner my arse 🤣🤣

I bet everyone excusing the OP would be the first to line up and say LTB if the situation was reversed. Or if he had stayed at the wedding all night whilst she was in the room the he must be taking cocaine because of course in the world of MN out for more than an hour or two is only sustainable with drugs.

Tabloids will enjoy picking up this one!

This!

Actually I would be.

I can't handle my alcohol at all and would be all over the place after 2 Proseccos.

Have you ever passed out? It isn't something you can control. OP couldn't have politely excused herself to go faint in a convenient place.

I was at an outdoor event once and passed out. I could feel it coming and tried everything to stop it. Taking deep breaths, leaving over the pram I was pushing, looking for a place to sit down. I did not want to embarrass myself by causing a scene. Then my legs gave way and my husband held me up, reassuring me while event staff rushed over with a wheelchair. Thankfully he was concerned about me and wasn't angry that I took unwell in public.

I doubt 2 tiny glasses of prosecco likely spaced out would cause that level of unwellness. It must have been scary for OP and now she knows how little her husband cares about her wellbeing.

But what if that meant fainting? I mean it’s a bit 😳 (it’s a bit embarrassing isn’t it!) but what can you do. Only if he could carry her could she get up and boy would that be a scene! Or she could’ve hurled everywhere. I’d rather a head down on the table than that!

It was probably the bubbles OP.

I’d be mortified too, but it’s done and dusted now. Over.

You felt unwell because you had too much to drink on an empty stomach. You might not have been drunk but it was self inflicted and if DH acted like that because of alcohol in front of my friends, I would be similarly embarrassed and annoyed.