Husband embarrassed when I felt unwell

[OneBrightCrow]

My husband and I were at the wedding of one of his uni friends on Wednesday. It was a great day however I came over unwell during the speeches, probably due to not having enough to eat before a couple of Proseccos. I was not drunk at all, but came over pale, felt clammy and like I was going to collapse. I didn’t want to cause a fuss by getting up and leaving, but felt so awful that I put my head down on the table. I understand that this could have looked rude but I’m pretty sure the other tables did not notice, and everyone on our table could see that something wasn’t right.

Despite asking my husband to just leave me be for a few minutes, he persisted in trying to get me to leave the room, but his persistence was really not helping, and I tried explaining that if I stood up I was afraid I would collapse or be sick, and I absolutely did not want that to happen.

He wouldn’t let it go so eventually I managed to stand up and sat outside for a bit until I felt better; but I wasn’t quite right for the rest of the day. I chose not to drink any more, but even after multiple glasses of water I was struggling with the noisy room and drunk people getting a bit close for comfort. We found a quiet room with a sofa where I sat for a while, and he asked if I wanted to leave. I said no but we argued when I tried encouraging him to rejoin the party so that he could see his uni friends that he rarely gets to see, including his best friend who had come just for the evening reception; but he kept saying we should be there as a couple.

He got a bit arsey, questioning how I was feeling and saying that he has never known me to “do this” as though I was choosing to behave this way. I said I felt very pressured by him, and was hurt that he had been more concerned about how I was appearing to other people than whether I was OK!

He eventually stormed off and returned about half an hour where we argued again, so I just grit my teeth and rejoined the party even though I still felt unwell.

It’s left me feeling quite hurt about it, and even when I tried talking to him about it (thinking that now he’s sober he would be a bit apologetic) he maintains that putting my head on the table was rude and we would have to agree to disagree.

Am I being unreasonable in feeling hurt??

Yanbu. He should have covered your head with a fancy napkin. Or quietly placed the centerpiece by your forehead so none were the wiser

Could you not have put your head between your legs if you were feeling faint which would have helped you feel better and also you'd have been a bit more hidden? I'd have been embarrassed too as your DP. But understand you feeling hurt he didn't seem to believe you were ill. How did you get there, could you have had a lie down for half an hour in the car?

It's really easy for people to say "you should have done X" but when you don't feel well, it's damn near impossible to behave perfectly sensibly and rationally. I also think putting your head down was probably the right thing to do to stop you from fainting or worse.

However I do think that if my DH had drunk too much at my friend's wedding and needed to lie down, I would have been absolutely mortified so I can understand his behaviour too.

Was it headdesk or cheek on the table?

I can see lowering your head into a hand with your elbow on the table/your knee if feeling dizzy until it passed, but head on the table and asking to be left like that for a few minutes is a unusual reaction.

What I thought would depend on who the incapacitated person was. My family, for example, although mad as a box of frogs in many ways, are pretty stoical when it comes to illness. So if one of them put their head down on the table during the wedding speeches, I would be concerned for their wellbeing, as it would be out of character. DP's family, on the other hand, are given to the old amateur dramatics and if one of them put their head down on the table, however quietly, I would be suspicious that they very much wanted to draw attention to themselves and inwardly think 'oh FFS'. Then I'd feel guilty if they were subsequently carted off in an ambulance.

I don't think this is enough of an issue to argue over tbh

I would have been totally mortified if my dh put his head on table during the speeches. You looked either rude or drunk.

Getting up, collapsing and potentially soiling oneself due to passing out would be slightly more disruptive though don't you think?

This genuinely just happened to my friend a couple of hours ago in the pub (I'm downunder). She drank a pint of cider (slowly, with food), then suddenly came over dizzy and clammy. She was sweating and as white as a sheet. I tried to get her to go outside but she couldn't move, said she'd fall down or vomit. She could only put her head on the table and tried to wait it out. lots of people tried to help and she was mortified - if she could've fled she would've!

Hope that helps back up your account that you weren't being a drama queen OP! It was scary to watch, I hope you're ok. And your DH is a twat.

Lol at 'unwell'.

She may have been 'unwell' but that was due to being drunk and that is embarrassing.

I’d be mortified if my partner felt ill through drink and put their head down on the table - to me that’s drawing more attention than wobbling out of the room. People get sick, that’s nothing to be embarrassed about, and neither is fainting. But head in the table rather than taking yourself out for some air is strange. I’d have just sat with my eyes closed.
FWIW I’d be feeling plastered on 2 glasses of Prosecco - affects me more than hard spirits.

For the love of god. The op felt sick. Presumably she doesn't normally feel sick on a couple of glasses so this was an unusual and unpleasant episode. Anyone feeling embarrassed rather than concerned. Is an arse in my opinion

I doubt 2 tiny glasses of prosecco likely spaced out would cause that level of unwellness.

So you know more than the OP herself?

Blimey, the knots people will tie themselves into to make something the man's fault is hilarious 🤣

Not really. When my BP drops like it sounds like the OP's did I have to put my head between my knees to get blood back there. If I stand up I'd faint.

He should have comforted you, made sure you were somewhere comfortable and quiet and obviously asked if you wanted to leave. Not in an aggressive way. Like 'pull yourself together!?'. That's not how illness works. Ridiculous. Imagine if someone had a tonic clonic seizure and were branded an 'embarrassment'?
I hope he apologises profusely for being so cold hearted.

People are well into their batshittery. The OP has a couple of drinks. They didn't agree with her. Presumably she normally can handle a couple of drinks on an empty stomach.

This was an anomaly where she felt sick. When you get clammy and nauseous it is generally a sudden drop in blood pressure. the right thing is to get your head down low. Standing up at this point will typically result in passing out.
People here seem to think this would be a better course of action.

Passing out can cause an immediate loss of bowel control and/or vomiting.

So the absolute wrong thing to do would be to get and and try and walk.

But the vipers on here think that would have been preferable

OP, I feel you did the best you could under the circumstances. If you’d attempted to stand and leave during the best man’s speech and then collapsed in front of the roomful of guests, people would be posting, “Oh my God! Why didn’t you just put your head on the table and wait for it to pass?” And your husband would be even more embarrassed. Hindsight’s always 20/20.

Imagine if someone had a tonic clonic seizure and were branded an 'embarrassment'?

Well if it was caused by Gin and Tonic it would be embarrassing, yes.

Drinking on an empty stomach is unwise but not the end of the world.

The OP did it, it was embarrassing, her husband was embarrassed.

Not a big deal but she needs to own it instead of getting pissed off at her husband's embarrassment.

I am staggered half the people here have voted you're being unreasonable?? WTF? How is it embarrassing that your partner is unwell? If you actually feel embarrassed about that you need to give your head a wobble. People make such a fuss of weddings like you're not allowed to step a foot out of line. Your husband was a dick OP, it sounds like he cares more about optics than about your wellbeing and that sucks. Anyone who tells you otherwise cares way too much about what other people think.

@TheresaCrowd

Blimey, the knots people will tie themselves into to make something the man's fault is hilarious 🤣

The episode wasn't his fault but his juvenile and uncaring action was entirely on him I can't imagine being with someone who is more concerned about feeling embarrassed than for my well being when I am feeling faint.

The OP wasn't paralytic drunk. She had a couple of drinks that caused a sudden drop in blood pressure. It happens. It's not her fault but his appalling reaction is completely his fault.

Not an unusual reaction, I faint quite a lot and I always put my head on the table - it's better than standing up and actually fainting as you can hurt yourself that way. If you put your head on the table it allows you to briefly pass out and potentially not harm yourself.

She had been drinking alcohol on an empty stomach. I dont think a tipsy guest is more important than the speeches.

Putting your head down on a table at a wedding is juvenile.

The OP could've been more discreet, even if she put her elbow on the table and lent her head on her palm it wouldn't have been as noticeable.

Yes it's probably better than getting up and fainting in front if everyone but either option would have been embarrassing.

You’ve clearly never fainted, did you know a fainting person loses control of their limbs? You can’t support the head with hand because the hand isn’t functioning, can’t believe I need to explain this.