Husband embarrassed when I felt unwell

[OneBrightCrow]

My husband and I were at the wedding of one of his uni friends on Wednesday. It was a great day however I came over unwell during the speeches, probably due to not having enough to eat before a couple of Proseccos. I was not drunk at all, but came over pale, felt clammy and like I was going to collapse. I didn’t want to cause a fuss by getting up and leaving, but felt so awful that I put my head down on the table. I understand that this could have looked rude but I’m pretty sure the other tables did not notice, and everyone on our table could see that something wasn’t right.

Despite asking my husband to just leave me be for a few minutes, he persisted in trying to get me to leave the room, but his persistence was really not helping, and I tried explaining that if I stood up I was afraid I would collapse or be sick, and I absolutely did not want that to happen.

He wouldn’t let it go so eventually I managed to stand up and sat outside for a bit until I felt better; but I wasn’t quite right for the rest of the day. I chose not to drink any more, but even after multiple glasses of water I was struggling with the noisy room and drunk people getting a bit close for comfort. We found a quiet room with a sofa where I sat for a while, and he asked if I wanted to leave. I said no but we argued when I tried encouraging him to rejoin the party so that he could see his uni friends that he rarely gets to see, including his best friend who had come just for the evening reception; but he kept saying we should be there as a couple.

He got a bit arsey, questioning how I was feeling and saying that he has never known me to “do this” as though I was choosing to behave this way. I said I felt very pressured by him, and was hurt that he had been more concerned about how I was appearing to other people than whether I was OK!

He eventually stormed off and returned about half an hour where we argued again, so I just grit my teeth and rejoined the party even though I still felt unwell.

It’s left me feeling quite hurt about it, and even when I tried talking to him about it (thinking that now he’s sober he would be a bit apologetic) he maintains that putting my head on the table was rude and we would have to agree to disagree.

Am I being unreasonable in feeling hurt??

This makes me wince!

ywbu putting your head on the table!

Id have been in big trouble too if I’d done that

Putting your head on the table was gross and obviously looked to the rest of the table that you were drunk. You would have been mortified if your DH did that, I’m sure.

You should quietly said to your DH that you weren’t feeling well and asked him to walk with you to a quiet area.

How old are you? 3?

You do not draw attention to yourself at a wedding.

I agree. I’m now alcohol intolerant due to ME/CFS, so don’t I don’t drink at all now. However, before I realised what it was, I had a few occasions where even just half a glass of Buck’s Fizz for, example, made me feel really ill, like woozy and sick. I never drank loads anyway, mostly a few glasses of BF or Asti over Christmas and on other occasions. Sometimes I might have managed a glass of it and felt ok but others it knocked me sick. It was weird and no pattern to it. Obviously I realised after a while I just couldn’t handle it at all anymore so I avoid it completely now.

If my partner did the head on table, I would be mortified.

So then you know there is a feeling of fainting before actually losing consciousness. That’s when body is getting really weak, and people aren’t always able to walk or hold their head up even they’re still conscious.

Die quietly then, is it?

Weddings are a joke anyway. I don't know anyone who cares about supposed wedding "etiquette", let alone judges anyone for being ill at a wedding.

Some of the language being used here is so ableist. Embarrassing, juvenile, gross, mortified, big trouble...

I'm glad I'm not friends with any of you knobs. I'm disabled and often have health episodes. If you were a stranger at a wedding I was a guest at, and judged me for taking care of myself to avoid fainting/collapsing/losing control of bowels etc, you should be ashamed of yourself.

As for the people who are so anal about wedding "rules", get a bloody grip.

The study your quoting is actually an experiment to see if alcohol affects the blood pressure upon standing from a seated or lying position (positional hypertension). And the study shows that people that haven't had a drink that aren't affected by a change in blood pressure ARE affected after having 3 beers.. I'm not sure any of that relates to the OP to be honest, so while it could be true, OP began to feel unwell sitting down, which is nothing to do with that study.

It's not ignorant to assume that OPs problem is down to the affects of drinking on an empty stomach rather than positional hypertension, you still get the same drop in blood pressure.

Drinking on an empty stomach also means a person will become drunk much quicker than they normally would and are more likely to get sick as the body struggles to process the alcohol.
....
Drinking with an empty or full stomach
If you drink alcohol with an empty stomach, the alcohol passes directly into your bloodstream. When alcohol enters your bloodstream, it widens your blood vessels. This causes:

• blushing, as there is a greater flow of blood to the skin surface
• a temporary feeling of warmth
• heat loss and a rapid decrease in body temperature
• a drop in blood pressure

Sounds like you were hypoglycemic

Your his acting like an arse

This. Its pathetic.

OP, your "D"P was a dick.

I wonder what he thinks about his partner who drank 'only two proseccos' on an empty stomach and put her head down on the table. The other guests almost certainly noticed and were wondering who this woman was he'd brought to their friends wedding! It would have been far less rude to have excused oneself and left, escaping the speeches would have been a bonus!

@sandyhappypeople

The point is this sudden and catastrophic drop in blood pressure can happen to someone who has never had it before and isn't related to drunkenness.

There are contributing factors: having a lower typical blood pressure, alcohol on an empty stomach, viruses, pregnancy. But it can be so out of anything you've had before that you can't blame a person when it happens.

My first episode was half a glass of wine in a restaurant whilst eating lunch. I felt clammy etc and tried to make it to the toilet but ended up fall-running and collapsed part way there.

It's not funny. It's horrible and deserves concern not blame.

I found it happened again so I stopped drinking. But it was nothing to do with being drunk and chances are the OP like many people had previously drunk on an empty stomach with no problems.

So you can't handle your drink, and embarrassed him (and yourself) in public by putting your head on the table? During the speeches???

And he was right about you being able to stand up and exit the room?

Imagine a man behaving like that at a wedding. He would be slaughtered on here.

To be honest you did drink on a empty stomach you made that choice so yes i absolutely see why your DH was embarrassed everyone probably thought you was drunk and also felt awkward by you putting your head on the table feeling dizzy unwell or not you made that choice to do what you did drinking alcohol without eating first

@BeretRaspberry
I agree. I’m now alcohol intolerant due to ME/CFS, so don’t I don’t drink at all now. However, before I realised what it was, I had a few occasions where even just half a glass of Buck’s Fizz for, example, made me feel really ill, like woozy and sick. I never drank loads anyway, mostly a few glasses of BF or Asti over Christmas and on other occasions. Sometimes I might have managed a glass of it and felt ok but others it knocked me sick. It was weird and no pattern to it. Obviously I realised after a while I just couldn’t handle it at all anymore so I avoid it completely now.

This is what happened to me. One time I'd be fine then one time I wouldn't be. The number of restaurants and events I was at when I suddenly had to leave or collapsed made me decide I had to stop drinking as it was too unpredictable. It's so fast and so random. I could go out and have alcohol 10 times and be fine but on the 11th I could pass out. Even when I'd eaten. Infact when I'd eaten I would vomit Upon coming to. Or I would make it to the loo and throw up and my blood pressure would stabilise. Usually evacuate my bowels too.

It's not something people can predict and it's not their fault. Imagine telling people who fall into a diabetic coma that it's their fault

The partner needs educating if his biggest concern was feeling embarrassed

fuck being embarrassed. His wife is feeling unwell and he’s embarrassed? Fuck that. It was 2 glasses of prosecco so defo not alcohol related. It’s not like she was necking straight whisky.

what else is going to embarrass him?

I have a POTs like illness and am prone to fainting. The advice from numerous doctors I've seen over the years is that when an episode comes on I need to put my head on a table or ideally lie down on the floor or on a bed or sofa.

Initially I ignored that advice and made myself worse. I now follow the advice - I've had to lie on many a bench before. I would have done the same as OP as the alternative would be risking a full on faint which would be much more dramatic.

It's in my workplace adjustment passport that if my head suddenly goes on my desk I need some water, some full fat coke and my emergency chocolate rations. This has happened a few times at different workplaces and no-one has found this rude.

I don't drink as unfortunately alcohol is a trigger for my symptoms, especially if I've not had much to eat. It's one of the reasons I always have a full English the morning of a wedding.

Are you lower middle class?

Indeed.

Slightly woozy rather than pissed I would have thought

How do people that are so concerned about what others will think actually live their lives?

Wtf

A lot of this issue is due to the wedding being a long day, no food served until late but lots of drinks served.

Weddings involve lots of travel, ceremony etc. You may eat at home at 9am but between ceremony and drinks reception, dinner is not served til 7pm or later.

It seems at weddings, that it ia socially unacceptable to eat a sandwich in the car at 2pm, or to order sandwiches at the drinks reception at 4pm.

I know you could have excused yourself, but the right thing would have been to bring some food in the car and eat it discreetly. Some people are very spiteful and may talk and laugh if you have something small. As you have found out, people will talk if you feel unwell after drinks and having no food.

I get dizzy and weak with such a long fast and cannot eat the wedding dinner!! As I am surrounded by spiteful people I take a protein bar to the bathroom and eat that. No one sees, I have an odd drink, and can 'fast' away for the day.

yep!