To think some parents can't accept their kids are just normal & average?

[Devonco]

In my children's circles there are some parents (very wealthy & highly educated) who refuse to accept their dc are average & normal.
They are constantly complaining their dc aren't pushed enough in school, aren't getting on better in extracurriculars etc.. Throw money at the "problems" then complain..
Also openly despise children who aren't as affluent as theirs surpassing theirs academically & in extracurriculars..
Drives me batty & I feel they should just let their lovely dc at peace & let them find their own path

That's an excellent term! My wife worked at one of these until recently- the parents were SO bloody entitled (very similar to many of the parents I dealt with when I worked at a private school), and they weren't even bloody paying for it! The teachers are paying just as much tax towards their child's education as they are (well, let's face it, probably a bit less- most of these parents were earning a lot more than the teachers!).

Im not convinced by the argument that “leafy comps” are the equivalent of private schools and therefore unfairly benefit. They take everyone in the catchment which in most cities includes variations in housing so the larger state secondaries are not full
of swotty middle class types. They can’t bin difficult pupils with ease as independent schools can. There is a massive teacher shortage which affects state more than private. And they don’t get the contextual offers anyway as only challenged state schools get those. So arguably the better comps get the worst of both worlds.

It’s the pushy sports parents for me if average sports kids. Getting them sponsorship when they’re not even good enough for sponsorship so they will build their own teams. Getting them social media accounts with their sports on and every opp post but fail to recognise when they have done shite in a race or made a mistake. Pushing and pushing sacrificing school for a sport that they will never make it to the tip at as the top pathway only takes 8 people.

The problem is, for so many people it seems to be completely outrageous to acknowledge your kid could be average. I named my DS after my Grandad and one of the reasons I liked it is because it's the type of name that could work for a judge or a builder. The reactions I got when I said that - you'd think I was condemning him to a life of slavery!

As it was, I pointed out that all my family are in the trades, including the Grandad he was named for, and they're all doing pretty well for themselves. I think this country could do with some more tradespeople tbh, especially ones that are reliable and hardworking, but if DS decides to go a different path then so be it.

My mother is that person, OP.

Some of the private school kids are just going to top American colleges instead.

So?!

Agree - we moved DC and it was a huge selling point for the top schools how many of them were now going on to Brown/Berkley/MIT/Harvard etc. It's taken on preference over Oxbridge as more useful in the workplace it seems? It is a shame but I can see why it appeals and private schools have to adapt. Also gives another possibility for a Green Card and further employment options.

It’s a global world now. Our universities only survive due to the cash from overseas students. Not very green though!

Are all the affluent parents like this or are a certain unpleasant lot conforming to your stereotypes?

There's a mum just like this in DD's class. Did the whole, "don't play with BruhWhy's DD" thing and the little girl made sure she told DD why; "they're not the same sort of girl" 🤣 she means poor, but OK.

DD is quite bright. She got into the grammar secondary in our area. Poshmum's DD didn't. I wish I could screenshot the Facebook rants. Absolutely seething. Accusatory and barely veiled shots at the girls in their class that got in without expensive tutoring.

I feel for her DD and the mad expectations she has of her just because they're wealthy.

Positive stereotyping can be just as cringeworthy to witness. Your eulogising about E European parents is a little bit patronising. There are a heterogenous group, like all people.

The most pushy mum by far I knew was a Russian woman who openly stated that she ‘bribed’ teachers by buying them designer gifts so that they would favour her son. I kind of admired how brazen she was!

That's a 2-edged sword OP, my ds was deemed too different by the local pointy elbows, and then a spiral of schisms ensued, ds is surprisingly 'normal' despite the 'interpretations' bestowed upon him.

But then, I think I'm really 'normal' too but many others in RL take me as odd, until they realize what a normal old bird I really am, then a few look somewhat sheepish. No winners in whatever game people have played.

Most of our friends are far wealthier than us. They are like us in attitude though: humble and down to earth. Far more likely to underplay their kids’ successes or moan about how lazy they are, rather than complain about the school or say their children are more clever than other kids. We always ‘big up’ each others’ kids.

I think you have been unlucky OP to surround yourself with so many of these arrogant and entitled types. I am sorry to hear that. If only they had your insight!

I'm really amazed that so few here are talking about their kids happiness. We're picking the subjects for secondary and just leaving it up to the child. She might excel, she might be middle of the road, or she might be bottom of the class. As long as she's happy and comfortable in her own skin, as far as I'm concerned, job done. Opportunity will come, it doesn't always have to be the linear progression from school to college.

I've had this conversation twice this year already with 2 different private school parents. Both wonderful women who have obviously assumed putting financial sacrifice into their kids deserves a particular outcome. I haven't known how to respond to be honest.

No of course not. Just a minority but they do exist!

Their kids are more than likely well above average though. I mean the bar is pretty low - it’s not the children of millionaires and mumsnetters that are the wrong side of an average IQ of 100 is it

People tend to assume that if two people with above-average IQs have children, their children will be as bright as their parents, if not brighter. In fact, many of those children will have lower IQs than either of their parents. This statistical phenomenon is called “regression to the mean”.

I seem to recall that IQ goes on a bell curve, @Cattenberg, so two brainiacs are as like as not to have an averagely clever child?

It will sound awful, but I’m kind of relieved my child ISNT outstanding in some sporting or academic way. There would be so much pressure, or her and me, to achieve loads. As it is, DD is lovely, perfectly clever but in a ‘meeting expectations’ way rather than an ‘exceeding’ them way, and I can let them get on with being a child, without feeling like I’m letting them down by not hothousing them. My lovely mum (who was a nurse, then a cleaner while her family were younger), always felt she’d let me down by not having the right knowledge or contacts to help me excel. I’m seeing the pressure some of DD’s peers are under, and I don’t want that for her.

So OP, what are your kids like then? 😇😇😇

are they ordinary and average?

be honest…

People do not understand genetics. There is always a drift towards the mean. So two extremely intelligent parents on average will have children less intelligent than them genetically, although environment will increase their intelligence.

‘Some of the private school kids are just going to top American colleges instead.’

Bye then, don’t let the castle door hit you on the way out! What’s loss that would be, if some rich kids bought their way into US colleges instead.
Wouldn’t exactly call it a brain drain…

My dc have their own strengths & weaknesses. They are very happy, love school & are meeting their targets. My dc aren't sporty but enjoy taking part & don't bawk at p.e, really enjoy music & play a couple of instruments outside school. They are very normal & lovely , DH & I have no need to contact mensa or enter either into Child Genius which is absolutely fine with us😎

Nobody buys their way into an Ivy League college. It helps if you have a very high standard of participation in a sport (national) but you still need strong academics.