To think some parents can't accept their kids are just normal & average?

[Devonco]

In my children's circles there are some parents (very wealthy & highly educated) who refuse to accept their dc are average & normal.
They are constantly complaining their dc aren't pushed enough in school, aren't getting on better in extracurriculars etc.. Throw money at the "problems" then complain..
Also openly despise children who aren't as affluent as theirs surpassing theirs academically & in extracurriculars..
Drives me batty & I feel they should just let their lovely dc at peace & let them find their own path

I’m secretly convinced that my own child is very clever. Even though her recent classroom award was for getting better at sitting still and listening. Talk about damning someone with faint praise. 😆

That's hilarious & exactly the type of entitled attitude our sharp elbow brigade display too!

DH friend moved their child to private school "because they were only getting average grades" at state school

Me and DH, "...maybe because they were average...?"

"they had practiced this" 🤣🤣🤣

There’s a balance. Pushing and encouraging your dc to achieve their best while not breaking them.

dd is predicted 8s across all subjects at gcse, but in her November mocks she got 4,5 and 6s. We could have said “oh well, average is fine” but instead we got her a tutor in the one she got a 4 in, helped her with her revision timetable, put time aside each day to test her and she got 7s and 8s in her last set of mocks. I hope she does get those grades in the actual exams because she’s put the work in and I want that to come through for her.

Isn’t that exactly what the parents are paying for? An educational environment which demands excellence rather than settling for ‘average’?

@TeenLifeMum the encouragement is part & parcel of parenting... It's the entitlement of certain parents that I despise that cannot accept their child is average & plodding along.
This cohort also has a chip on their shoulders about less affluent children who are very high achieving & can't understand how they have surpassed their "darling Tabitha"...

What, and the payment of fees instantly propels every child to be exceptional? You can’t ‘demand’ excellence of all children, no matter what their background might be. Some will just be ‘average’ or simply not skilled in the range of subjects that academia has to offer.

@FanofLeaves exactly. The level of entitlement is mammoth & average /meeting standards is not acceptable in academics, music, sports or other extracurriculars..
Their child must be the brightest & best, front & centre at all costs..

You come across incredibly bitter, envious and belittling OP. It’s not a good look.

@edwinbear I don't think so. I'm just asking aibu to feel parents should accept their children for what they are! Parents like this absolutely exist, they do their children no favours, the school no favours & are constantly badmouthing children who are high achieving.
All because of their own sense of entitlement!

Drives me potty. My two children are both high achievers, top grades at GCSE / A levels (or predicted, DD hasn’t sat hers yet, this year). They attend a state school, but a good one, outstanding Ofsted in a fairly affluent area. Their dad and I (separated) have done absolutely nothing to push their academic ability, in fact we wonder where they both got their drive from. The pressure on them comes from within. I’d imagine those who have paid a fortune for amazing schools and not got good grades hate the likes of my kids! Ex and I have good jobs and have educated conversations with the kids but I think they both see we work really hard and have ambition too, and I’m hoping some of that’s rubbed off so maybe we have a tiny part to play in their success.

It takes a particularly nasty sort of person to openly despise and be disparaging towards other people's children.

They aren't the sort of people I would want to spend any time with.

I wish I could tell you all it finishes after primary but I'm at a bit befuddled by recent events and DS is 20.
Nice, vaguely know from a secondary school club woman was talking about her son's uni experience but it wasn't enough to succeed, others must be seen to fail.
She'd only gone and got the COVID cohorts a-level grades out of the school and TWO years later with still bitching about the music grades.
Someone hadn't done music theory and got into the conservatoire on raw talent and hard work - how unfair.

I got a text from a friend, who overheard, apparently "that made me feel 15 years younger"

@isitbananatimealready and yet we see so much crowing on MN about ‘posh Tabitha’ and ‘stuck up Johnny’ whose parents wasted their money on ‘fancy private schools’. So many MNetters rubbing their hands with glee at the prospect of those kids having to leave the schools their settled in, some of them mid GCSE/A Level in the next 12 months when their parents can’t afford the fees anymore with VAT.

@ThemeDay my sister said the same, the same type of parents also use the sharp elbows in secondary which is quite a feat considering how much less of a physical presense parents have in secondary.. No more school gates etc.. Music seems to bring out the worst in these parents!

Tbf the parents I'm talking about are all state school parents. My dc are in a state school. This "breed" of parent isn't just exclusively found in private schools @edwinbear

No, I think they’re paying for a silk purse to be made out of their sow’s ear, and that’s why I keep seeing outrage on here about Oxbridge attempts to widen participation, because they see it as disadvantaging their carefully-tended offspring whose advantage they’ve worked hard and paid for, after all. As they see it. I think it’s as much about social anxiety as it is arrogance, though. There’s a terrible aspirational worry about their children being ‘left behind’ by others who are ‘doing well’.

“Slow and steady” doesn’t usually really win the race though, does it?

It stings even more when the children achieving do not have every advantage heaped upon them like the pushy parents dc! Yes exactly like the Oxbridge begrudgey..
Certain parents think certain children/, families should know their place & their average (more often than not lovely) dc should be top of the pile simply because they come from an affluent background...

As an over average achiever through education and a high earner it is incredibly frustrating to me that my kids won't follow the same path (state not private). I have never and will never show this feeling to them. But fuck I have to bite my tongue sometimes.

I hear you. I gave birth to the world’s most laid-back child. DH and I grew up very poor in families of early school-leavers with only semi-literate parents, and it was very clear to us both (separately — we only met later) from a young age we would have to use our brains as a way out of poverty, despite everyone trying to encourage us to leave school. DS has grown up financially comfortable, with all kinds of opportunities we didn’t have, and, as a result, doesn’t see th8ng as needing to be striven for. Which is obviously a hood thing, as I wouldn’t wish my childhood on anyone, but can also be frustrating, especially as he is clever.

@idontlikealdi at least you can admit it & bite your tongue ☺️

I have this with a friend except she's sort of the opposite - she always feels that her children need special help, and has a bee in her bonnet about them "missing out" on things.

Children in spelling intervention groups - why is her child being overlooked. Other children disrupting the class - why aren't the teachers giving her shy child attention instead. Places in play therapy for children who have been through trauma like their parent dying - why doesn't her child get this opportunity. Snack time - she convinced the teacher that her child should be allowed to take biscuits in whilst everyone else has fruit. Forest school - why isn't it her child's turn yet.

As a parent whose child has some SEN it drives me up the fucking wall. I would much rather my child NOT need interventions but she seems to be gagging for her kids to have them.

@Devonco , I think you are coming across as a bit peeved that some parents have money to spend enhancing their children’s education. If as it seems you believe your children are in any case superior academically this will eventually become apparent. Fear not the time of reckoning approaches.