To think some parents can't accept their kids are just normal & average?

[Devonco]

In my children's circles there are some parents (very wealthy & highly educated) who refuse to accept their dc are average & normal.
They are constantly complaining their dc aren't pushed enough in school, aren't getting on better in extracurriculars etc.. Throw money at the "problems" then complain..
Also openly despise children who aren't as affluent as theirs surpassing theirs academically & in extracurriculars..
Drives me batty & I feel they should just let their lovely dc at peace & let them find their own path

We decided against private schooling for many reasons, but the overprivileged pushy parents were certainly part of the equation!

Exactly. They try heaping layer upon later of advantages on their normal kid yet despise genuinely academic or talented kids..

A very clever mathematician worked out that it used to be 13 x more likely that a privately educated candidate got into Oxbridge than a state one. Now with the adjustments it is only 6 x more likely.

Thoughts and prayers

@Devonco I’m extremely glad to be almost done with the whole thing, and as soon as my youngest is finished we’re selling up and moving far, far away from this place and these bloody people!

Okay, as I already said there will be some like that. However there will undoubtedly be others who are receiving diagnoses and adjustments at the same time who are genuine cases. Other DC and parents are not qualified to make the distinction. The crux of my argument is that, unless you are their psychologist you are in no position to judge who the genuine ones are and who aren't. It is tough enough getting a diagnosis and adjustments and feeling different without peers (and their parents!) judging a situation they know nothing about. My daughter got four A stars at A-Level with extra time. No doubt some would say she needed no adjustment. The professionals who assessed her said that she categorically did. I believe them.

Yes, definitely does happen. Sad reality, by definition most people are average.

I guess if you've spent loads of money on your kids education, it's a bitter pill to swallow if they are not excelling, and I guess feels injustice if the poor working class kid is doing better.

You won't have seen me making comments like that, so I don't know why you are having a go at me.

I don't hang out on those threads.

We have friends going through hell with teens so frankly a happy teen with nice friends working to their ability is a precious thing and we are grateful and appreciative of that.

Thoughts and prayers 😅

the strange thing about all these exceptional, privately educated children is most of them don’t go in to become world renowned…

It seems to be the case now that certain parents seem to think that theirs child is super bright when in reality they are ordinary. Then they seem to think a school can get an non accedemic child with very little interest in school top grades in exams. I see parents that read to their kids, had books or used a library helped to develop reading skills with their kids and long term this helped them in school.
I know 3 kids in university at the moment doing challenging courses with a high work load and even with being bright they have to work hard doing assignments and exams to stay in their courses.

I know a lady who was a primary school teacher for many years. Some of her kids were accedemic and others where far better at practical things. She made sure they studied subjects in school that suited their own strengths. Then they got into apprenticeships or university. Today they are doing well in their respective area's.
She said not every child will be able to get the results to get into university and parents need to be aware of this. They would be better off seeing where their child's strength are and working with these re courses and career's after school.

It seems to be the case now that certain parents seem to think that theirs child is super bright when in reality they are ordinary. Then they seem to think a school can get an non accedemic child with very little interest in school top grades in exams. I see parents that read to their kids, had books or used a library helped to develop reading skills with their kids and long term this helped them in school.
I know 3 kids in university at the moment doing challenging courses with a high work load and even with being bright they have to work hard doing assignments and exams to stay in their courses.

I know a lady who was a primary school teacher for many years. Some of her kids were accedemic and others where far better at practical things. She made sure they studied subjects in school that suited their own strengths. Then they got into apprenticeships or university. Today they are doing well in their respective area's.
She said not every child will be able to get the results to get into university and parents need to be aware of this. They would be better off seeing where their child's strength are and working with these re courses and career's after school.

See, I think we have quite a few examples on this thread of people who assume all (mc) kids have innate talents, can achieve academically etc if they are taught well. Someone said something like well we're supposed to think our kids are fab, be their cheerleaders etc.

But this is partly why we have a generation of kids thinking they're not good enough, and they're valued more for what they achieve than who they are. And this is partly why we have an education system that values academic achievement over everything else. And also why the system does not serve those kids who are below average academically but are not taught to value attributes like application, teamworking, problem solving and dexterity.

It’s like normal apprenticeships and trades: everyone I know thinks they’re a great idea.. for someone else’s kids 🤷‍♀️

They’d rather their kids go to bottom tier unis to do courses they’ve barely an interest in, rather than to train in a specific skill that pays well.

People get so tied up in knots about this!

You really can't predict from primary school how kids are going to get on in life.

I was always one of the top of the class all through school, a hard worker as well, "destined" to do well. 30 years later, I have a very average public sector job, earning a fairly low wage.

But quite a very of the kids who sat on "lower ability" tables than me, are now high-flyers at work, earning buckets.

Same!

Yep - this thread resonates a lot.

One of my DC goes to a quasi-private state primary. Affluent area. The entitlement of some of the parents is just staggering. Throw into this the grammar school system - everything gets peak ridiculous yr5/6.

I think it's really important to recognise what your DC is naturally good at but also to participate in everything they can.

My oldest passed the 11+ (he was at a different, more normal primary), I often get asked for advice. I say unless their DC is consistently at 'greater depth' for Maths & English that they would probably struggle with the revision, the exam and grammar school pace. Some people take it on board, more often than not, they ignore and put their average DC through something that clearly isn't for them. Every year I see this happen and feel so sorry for these DC.

My DC are good at maths. Average at sport. Pretty appalling at art and music. They give everything a go. In fact, they love their art and music so I encourage it, even though they are patently shit at it. DC2 wants to be a footballer, he barely made the 2nd team but he loves it and is really enthusiastic. I encourage and support but am realistic about where their talents are.

What is a quasi-private state primary?

This is an interesting viewpoint. I went to private school for secondary and while there were certainly kids who put themselves under a great deal of pressure to achieve, there were also quite a few who put no effort in whatsoever because they came from money so knew they would be fine whether they achieved academically or not. Teachers and parents could "demand excellence" all they wanted but these kids simply didn't care.

Private school privilege exists, yes but this sort of shallow analysis isn't very clever.
Ignoring the 'private by stealth' people from their leafy comps/grammars. Which probably have more to do with the figures than 'adjustments
There was an interesting article (I posted on here before) about the subject choices of pupils from lower socio-economics backgrounds. Usually with a clear professional path. Even in lower-ranked universities.

It's much easier to get into Oxbridge by choosing the right subject. Many like Theology, Nordic studies, classics etc are not competitive for a reason. Not just at Oxbridge but all universities that offer them.

It's one thing to say that well, students in popular subjects like Law, Computer Science etc are being put off Oxbridge, let's get them on board. Makes sense for people that are humanities inclined, to advise them to apply to maybe 'something' studies, or history with something, instead of just plain history. But it makes no sense to push 'underrepresented' groups into studying the less popular subjects when they're not even choosing this in great numbers, at other universities. Solely because of the 'Oxbridge' name.

It would be nice to have a subject breakdown over the years per subject.

IMO the issue is with thinking that everyone has a 'natural talent' for something. By natural talent I mean head and shoulders above everyone else in something clearly definable whether it's academics, art or music.

In my working life the ones at the top - well, they don't have a 'talent'. It's a combination of many things but more importantly, great relationship building and mental stability. Also the right mental makeup for dealing with pressure.

Ultimately as a PP said as long as they're good kids and have the right mindset it#s OK/..

I went to a private school and both of my parents had unrealistic expectations as a result. My dad went to a grammar and did not want me to go private, lots of reverse snobbery, and he has never forgiven me for being average despite getting good exam results. All of my life he has belittled me, made me feel like I wasted money because they chose to send me there, haven't achieved enough. I have sent my DC private and he nearly had a fit ranting at me that it never helped me so why would I waste my money etc etc. I am certainly not ever doing that to my children but I can see some parents falling into the trap (bit of a sweeping statement but it's usually the ones who are spending either above their means or have high expectations because they are paying). I am more than happy for DC to be average but having more options to be happy and have hobbies is the aim.

@Tyiue I'd never thought about it before until you mentioned it! What I was, perhaps clumsily, trying to say is that it ISN'T derogatory, there's absolutely nothing wrong with having a kid who isn't a perceived 'high flier'. I take your point though, I shall say pigs in future 😀

(though I genuinely am a huge pig fan)

I'm guessing you don't live in a grammar area 😂 There's a scrabble for tutors to keep tutoring way past the 11+ just to keep the kids in the top set through grammar. Then they complain about private school privilege and pretend they aren't doing pushy parenting themselves. Some parents are just like this and it's more likely in the "better" schools because parents are aware enough to send them there in the first place.

@DimpseyDaiquiri

It's a term I made up

quasi = a combining form meaning 'resembling,' 'having some but not all of the features of'

It's a state primary but because of the affluent catchment and many of the minted / high expectation parents - the facilities are excellent, high achieving on the SATs tables and the uniform looks like it's from a private prep - blazers, ties etc.
Many of the parents send them to this school, instead of sending to the local private schools.
The PTA is dripping in cash and gets loads of donations.
Parents tend to look down at other local (excellent) schools, which I find infuriating.

I do live in a grammar area! 😂

About 10 of the kids I've taught in the past 5 years (I teach Year 6) have gone to grammar schools, but waaaaaay more took the tests. I have had to tell many a parent at Parents' Evening that their little darling is not going to get in; no, not even with tutoring. The standard is insanely high, partly because even the genius children are tutored for it!