A few months ago, whilst staying at my MIL’s house for her birthday, I was left alone with her and my DD for ~4 hrs (my DH and FIL went to a local football game). During this time, my DD refused to eat what was offered - not my choice of food for her, but a meal my MIL insisted upon (red flag 1).
I told MIL it was okay for DD not to eat her food, that we never put pressure on her to eat. DD asked me if she could get down and I said that she could.
MIL told me I was “letting a three year old rule the roost and needed to be in charge or she’d never learn.” I calmly explained we (meaning her son and I, my DD’s parents) were choosing to parent in this particular way and were responding to our child’s needs. I reiterated it was absolutely fine for DD not to want to eat, that she had days of feeling hungrier than others.
At this, MIL marched across the room, grabbed DD and attempted to manhandle her to the table. I raised my voice, told her to put my DD down and walk away. MIL did not. I shouted louder and MIL put DD down, she ran to me and we left the house to sit in the car. We only went back in for bath and bedtime, during which time I messaged my DH and he came home. He spoke to her, but when I saw her later this evening she did not even acknowledge the incident, let alone apologise.
The following day was her birthday meal, after which we got ready to leave (we were supposed to be staying a further night). This was when she spoke to me finally and I told her we were leaving because of her unacceptable behaviour towards my DD and myself, with no intention to apologise.
When we returned home, we did not speak for a further week, after which time I messaged outlining exactly the issues I had and what needed to change (respect, appreciation of different parenting styles, never touching my DD in this way again) before we would see her again. She rang and claimed she had “no idea she was so bad” and I “just needed to tell her when she was being unreasonable and she would stop.” I asked her if she was being racist, was it the victim’s responsibility to tell her she was wrong, or hers to think before she spoke/acted? She told me I was being oversensitive.
Ever since, we have not seen them. I cancelled a night away in which she was supposed to be babysitting, and I have now been accused of “ruining her relationship with her son and grandchild”, which tells me she still takes no responsibility. My DH is definitely ‘on my side’ and has spoken to her a few times but ultimately feels I need to let it go because ‘this is just the way she is’.
Am I being over sensitive here?