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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bf using my birthday gift with another woman

289 replies

Pookie21 · 04/04/2024 16:54

My bf got us tickets to my favourite musical for my birthday in January, unfortunately we broke up shortly after for 6 weeks, but have now been back together a month. The show is next week, I’ve organised my kids but bf told me yesterday as he couldn’t get a refund he asked friends & is now taking a female friend instead (I vaguely know of her). AIBU in thinking that as the tickets were my main birthday gift he should either have given me both to use or cancel taking the woman & take me as they were part of my gift & we are back together?
he says she helped him out by agreeing to come so doesn’t want to change her plans but if I were her I’d be happy to stand down as it was a special gift for us to enjoy together, it feels like he’s putting another woman’s feelings over mine.

OP posts:
SadAct342 · 04/04/2024 16:57

He is, walk away... so sorry Xx

CarrotCake01 · 04/04/2024 16:57

Yeah, that's really weird and I'm not surprised you're pissed off.
Yes, if the tickets were a gift for you he should have given them to you.
And yes, I agree now that you're back together, it seems pretty inappropriate to take someone else. Extra kick in the teeth being that it was YOUR birthday present!

Forhecksake · 04/04/2024 16:57

Yikes. It would make me wonder if I had been too quick to get back with him.

Mummame2222 · 04/04/2024 16:59

😂😂😂😂 wtaf. I’m laughing at him. Of course he can’t go with her! Has he lost his mind?

CommentNow · 04/04/2024 17:00

Dunp him again and get him out of your and your kids life. They dont need to see their mum messed around like this.

DemBonesDemBones · 04/04/2024 17:00

I think I'll be in the minority but I don't think he's in the wrong. You had broken up, he invited his friend. I think it actually shows he's a nice person not ditching his mate to take you now you're back together.

harriethoyle · 04/04/2024 17:05

I agree @DemBonesDemBones - bearing in mind the present was in Jan, you then broke up for 6 weeks so at least mid Feb I'm not surprised he made alternative plans. YABU.

LouOver · 04/04/2024 17:06

If he thought you weren't getting back together then he's not in the wrong for inviting a friend who has now made her plans.

But 1. If I was the friend now going would feel weird and would probably step aside.

  1. Is he getting you a new birthday gift?
firstimemum23 · 04/04/2024 17:07

DemBonesDemBones · 04/04/2024 17:00

I think I'll be in the minority but I don't think he's in the wrong. You had broken up, he invited his friend. I think it actually shows he's a nice person not ditching his mate to take you now you're back together.

It was HER present - not a present to him. Both tickets belong to her and by default, you assume as the partner you’ll be going; but you don’t get rights to both tickets!

Riverlee · 04/04/2024 17:08

How recently did you mention going to the show again? If only in the last few days, then he’s not unreasonable.

Mummame2222 · 04/04/2024 17:10

harriethoyle · 04/04/2024 17:05

I agree @DemBonesDemBones - bearing in mind the present was in Jan, you then broke up for 6 weeks so at least mid Feb I'm not surprised he made alternative plans. YABU.

So he gets to go on a date with another woman?

FortofPud · 04/04/2024 17:11

I'd say he did nothing wrong asking her and nothing wrong in not wanting to mess her around by retracting the ticket offer.

However, I'd not be happy in your position. The right thing would surely be to give her the second ticket so she can take someone else. (And then what she should probably do is say, no of course not, have my ticket back now gf can go with you again. But that's much less important!)

Nazzywish · 04/04/2024 17:12

Why are you sticking around with this waste of space? Stay broken up.

Skiphopbump · 04/04/2024 17:12

The friend might have already organised a day off work/childcare/travel etc. Your bf is in a no win situation but he could have avoided this by letting you keep the tickets when you broke up.

therealcookiemonster · 04/04/2024 17:14

DemBonesDemBones · 04/04/2024 17:00

I think I'll be in the minority but I don't think he's in the wrong. You had broken up, he invited his friend. I think it actually shows he's a nice person not ditching his mate to take you now you're back together.

agreed

ILoveYouMore2022 · 04/04/2024 17:15

OP, ask him if you can go with this woman to the event (ie., woman uses his ticket and you go on what was originally bought for your birthday).

If he agrees, dump him afterwards.

If he won’t let you use one of the tickets, dump him afterwards.

Halooo · 04/04/2024 17:19

The tickets belong to you and should have been handed to you, it’s not up to him to decide how they are used, he should have simply been your guest.

Really bad form to do this. He has no decent manners and you are not a priority. He should have at the very least offered to replace the tickets like for like or better.

In future, make sure you take actual presents into your possession.

jannier · 04/04/2024 17:19

Didn't take him long to arrange a date when you were apart wondering what about this man attracts you.

samestyle · 04/04/2024 17:19

He could of explained to her it was your birthday present and now back together but he doesn't want to ruin his chances on dating her, he's chosen her over you, dump him. let her know, she may not be aware it was supposed to be your gift.

GreyCarpet · 04/04/2024 17:22

Why had he kept hold of his birthday present to you?

Both tickets are yours.

He shouldn't have been the one to find a replacement person. That should have been you.

neverbeenskiing · 04/04/2024 17:22

What he should have done was give both tickets to you when you broke up, since they were supposed to be a gift. But he didn't, and its too late to change that now. What he did was ask his friend to go with him and she accepted the invitation. I can see why he would now feel extremely awkward telling his friend, who is probably excited about it, that she won't be going anymore. It's really shit when people use their friends as emotional support during breakups and then don't consider them at all as soon as they're no longer single. But this could have been avoided if he'd done the right thing in the first place, keeping the tickets for himself was petty.

InTheShallowTheShalalalalalalalow · 04/04/2024 17:23

If he doesn't want to let her down then you take his ticket and go with her instead.

Rewis · 04/04/2024 17:26

Technically he should have given the tickets to you when you broke up. Since it was a gift. However, if I got my bf a present and we broke up shortly after. I wouldn't go out of my way to transfer the tickets for him. If he didn't ask for them, I'd ask a friend to go with me.

PerfectTravelTote · 04/04/2024 17:26

He kept the tickets when you broke up?

They were a gift to you.

That's poor form.

SweetFemaleAttitude · 04/04/2024 17:28

I think it depends if the break up was amicable or not.

Theatre tickets are extremely expensive and if the break up was acrimonious, he might have done it as a fuck you.

I can't imagine my DH and one of his male friends going to a musical together, so that may be why he asked a female friend.

You should go along with her.

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