Bf using my birthday gift with another woman

[Pookie21]

My bf got us tickets to my favourite musical for my birthday in January, unfortunately we broke up shortly after for 6 weeks, but have now been back together a month. The show is next week, I’ve organised my kids but bf told me yesterday as he couldn’t get a refund he asked friends & is now taking a female friend instead (I vaguely know of her). AIBU in thinking that as the tickets were my main birthday gift he should either have given me both to use or cancel taking the woman & take me as they were part of my gift & we are back together?
he says she helped him out by agreeing to come so doesn’t want to change her plans but if I were her I’d be happy to stand down as it was a special gift for us to enjoy together, it feels like he’s putting another woman’s feelings over mine.

Sweet Jesus.

Oh well. I’ll keep an eye out for the next thread of delusion.

If he doesn't want to let her down I think you should suggest YOU go with her.

There were only 3 weeks we weren’t talking/didn’t see each other, and as the tickets were arranged and booked before my birthday for my birthday, we broke up after my birthday and we got back together, I didn’t think it was reasonable for him to take a new friend as I would have happily paid for my ticket as I’d already arranged childcare/work. I just didn’t know if I was reading too much into it or actually not enough, but it’s all sorted now

so what is ' it's all sorted now '

when are the tickets for ?

I'm sorry OP that's ridiculous.

Why don't you say to him. Actually since they were my birthday gift I'm taking my friend Sharon.

Of course we think less of him, he's probably caused sexual trauma in several women.
Men shouldn't be praised because they stop being less rapey.

And you are only recently back together and you already started to reduce your boundaries for him.....so he hasn't shown you that he's changed at all. You would have only seen if he had changed if you hadn't done those things.

And a couple of months ago is not 'the past'.

You're not a therapist OP or an empathy coach and you're just going down the exact same route so many women went down before you where they think the love of a good woman can fix a man.
You're just going to waste more years of your life.

He’s not going to treat you better and emulate you. He just isn’t. It’s not in his nature. The best you can do is to put good boundaries up and tell him what is and isn’t acceptable. You should only put the same amount of energy into a person that they put into you.

I don't think this is a good guy. I'm very upset that he is pushing your sexual boundaries.

He knows that you've been sexually assaulted and he still is insisting on this one thing that he likes. That isn't what a good man would do.

I'm glad there is a physical distance between you and I really think that you should stop seeing him and focus on yourself.

@Pookie21

So when was the show ?

was it last Saturday 8th
or Sat just gone 15th ?

How was it ?!!!

You take his ticket and go with his friend and he can babysit

It was last weekend & it was INCREDIBLE. We had the best time, he apologised for being a dick & he checked in whether the walking was too much for me, did I want/need to get a taxi, carried my heavy bag I’d travelled to him with when I met him - he IS trying & yes it takes him a minute to ‘get’ things but I’m learning I can bring something up, give my opinion then leave him to think & then we have a good discussion on it. He has a lot of damage from his childhood/marriage but he’s explained more & is really trying to work himself over his first thoughts into more 2024/us thoughts.
Things are really good - however, I am being slightly cautious, I am raising things (massive for me) & I am doing some things on my terms to stay in control & make sure I’m ok. I’m very hopeful but also know if we were to separate I would not wait months this time, or get unwell. I’m very, very sensitive & he’s much more blase about life so we are teaching each other a different way to deal with life which is mutually & personally beneficial

Sounds like you're kidding yourself to me OP, but I'm glad you got to see the show. However, is he still taking his 'friend' out for the day to make up to her?

Absolutely not 😂 we spoke about it, I gave my opinion (weird) and said if we are completely together I’m not comfortable him spending 1:1 time with a single woman that’s a new friend (for context, me & bf are both part of a particular health community with Instagram accounts in this community, they have had some chats online which doesn’t bother me as it’s a very friendly community) but taking it into real life, just the two of them is not appropriate in my eyes. Once I’d spelled it out & flipped it around to me going out with a new male friend he didn’t know he got it. He just takes a minute, an example of it flipped & being honest with himself & me about his feelings to catch on 🤦‍♀️ but now I know exactly how to ‘reach’ him so we can discuss things better.