What to say to sexist salesman asking for my 'husband' to be present for quote? Should i say something?

[Sailawaygirl]

So man selling windows (well known company) came to door saying he had done some work on a house up street and they have a good deal atm ect ect. It just so happens I do need new windows and getting quotes is on my todo list so for once door knock could be helpful. ( i will obviously contact more than just his company but its a start)

my AIBU is --- in door step conversation he asks if we own house ( obviously important). he then asks if I have a husband, I say yes ( we arent married but I know what he means and he is probably asking for finance reasons ect)
He then says he wants to come back ' when my husband is around' so he can talk to us both!!!!! i say DP is working today but window man can come back to give me a full quote latter in day. He then insists on coming when 'husband' is back from work or at a weekend so husband can have quote!!! I tell sales person that i deal with quotes and DIY stuff and to just deal with me. Its a loose quote im not going to sign on dotted line today! He says it so i can choose what colour handles on doors ect!!!! I tell him im more interested in energy efficiency and cost and that i dont want him to come when DP is back from work as this impacts family time.
Then when he takes my details and asks for my title - i say ms , he says mrs and then miss and i correct no ms.

How can a salesman be so out of tune with the times? he wasn't an older sales person either!!!!

He said someone would phone me for feedback after, AIBU to bring up that i felt he had a sexist attitude? how do i phrase it constructively

Yeah it was Safe Style at mine as well.

I get it OP. We've got various tradespeople coming in and out as we're having renovations done. DH is out at work and this morning and one of the builders asks me to choose between two different options. I choose one and he asks if he should "ring The Gaffer to check he's cool with that" before getting started. I thought he meant his boss but turns out he meant my DH!

First, never ever do business with someone who comes to your door. Find tradies yourself, via recommendations and local reviews.

As someone above said, he has a clever sales patter for getting a deal done ASAP. That means when both halves of the couple are in.

He won't give a shit about you getting the hump, because his technique generally works.

Not at all, sorry I thought it was clear I was making a joke about the advert where they push the windows over and say the bit about getting one free over and over!

He's a salesman. The most likely explanation is that experience has taught him his time is best spent elsewhere until he's able to address both parties as typically men will want to be involved in the decision (and women to a lesser extent).

Apologies, I've not seen the ad.

Yep. My husband didn't even meet the builder I'd arranged until he turned up to do the extension!

I've had this too op! Once was solar panels another a plumber. Neither got my business.

This happened to me. Made an appointment for someone to come and measure up for a 'no obligation, valid for one year' quote. He arrived and refused to even come through the door because my husband wasn't in. I can understand wanting to remove any delaying tactics, but why advertise it as valid for 12 months if you are then planning to move the goalposts and try for the hard sell?

Anyway, head office phoned back later that day to rearrange the appointment so I told them where to go, and why.

@Hedonism was this anglian?

This is absolutely the case, so not sexist at all. We had someone round to quote for windows. When they arrived I was on my way out taking DD to a class. I didn't rush back as I thought DH can deal with the salesman. Finally got home and DH and salesman were both sat waiting for me so that the "presentation" could begin. Salesman explained both homeowners needed to be present (so the potential customer couldn't later say sorry I spoke to my DW/DH and they said no).

Terrible company. Salesman wouldn’t even leave my house, I had to practically kick him out and was pestered by them in various underhand ways for years. I ended up screaming at them down the phone to stop harassing me. Horrible.

“I’m afraid you’ve just lost yourself a sale by insisting on being sexist. It’s 2024 and women have been able to make decisions and pay for things for a while now. Goodbye“

They’d really struggle with me. I tell all sales people and tradesmen that I am married if they ask as I don’t want them knowing I am a single woman living alone….I’d really struggle if they insisted on me rustling one up to hear a quote though 😅

We had this from a company called coldseal 22 years ago. I was so shocked

Pretty sure it was, yes.

He was probably lying about doing some work "down the road" - they usually do.
Just be careful and check that you still get the 14 day cooling off period if you sign up today - I'm not sure if that only applies to the initial contact which was unsolicited, or whether it still applies if you arranged for them to come back (i.e. it's not a cold call any more)

I assume you said No?

We have two family run businesses here, both excellent, reasonably-priced and non-pushy. Crucially, all their people are actually employed full-time and so have an interest in the firms' reputations.

Total aside - most of the big companies (like Anglian) just subcontract to local tradespeople - so you’ll almost certainly get better pricing if you get a couple of quotes from well reviewed window fitters on check-a-trade

he then asks if I have a husband, I say yes ( we arent married but I know what he means and he is probably asking for finance reasons ect)

It was your mistake from the outset. When asked if you had a DH you should have have given a strange look and said ‘oh gosh, are you offering, and I’m not sure how that’s at all relevant’ then said something along the lines of your really not comfortable with people with people using work for door to door dating and so forth and you’ll be going now. That would have been my go to if amend asked me that (even though I do have a DH), as it’s of no relevance.

I've definitely seen this too. I don't have a husband or partner but own my own home. My dad is a tradesman so whenever I need work he usually knows someone. Even if I am the one to make contact and am there for the measurements, they'll always go to my dad with the quote rather than speak to me. Plasterer, kitchen fitter, windowman, all measured up in front of me and told me they'd speak to my dad about the money, despite being told I'm paying for it 🤷🏻‍♀️

Well if your not comfortable with it the you obvs don’t do business with them. Simple really I don’t even know why you bothered answering whether you had a husband or not completely irrevalant and you saying it may be to do with financing is just perpetuating the sexism.

We ignored the company who wanted to quote for a conservatory with dh present. I took great delight for the next zillion calls from them, in telling them that we had had it done with someone who dealt with me alone and that they’d missed out on a commission!

I so dislike the fact that I get questioned almost every time I tell someone I go by Ms and not Miss or Mrs.

"Oh are you divorced?" No.
"Oh are you a lesbian?" No.
"Oh so you're single!" No.

And actually it's none of their business 99% of the time what my marital status or sexual preference is. It's got nothing to do with what we're talking about.

And the last time someone tried to talk over me to my DH about financial matters he just said "oh I wouldn't know and would probably just ask silly questions. best to deal with my wife as she's the finance person in our household."

@HidingUnderARock Not automatically

If I enter into a contract with A, then only A is liable. B has no liability, even if they're married

If I enter into a contract with A&B, then both are liable. Best if A&B both sign the contract, to put it beyond doubt that they're both committed. If I prepare a contract with A&B, but only A signs it, then I'd have to argue that A was acting as agent for B