To think they should still replace it...

[YorkshireRose80]

TLDR:
Friend borrowed expensive item six years ago, lost it and not replaced it despite frequent requests asking for it to be replaced.

Long version:
Six years ago, I bought a £300 fancy BBQ in a sale for £150, I didn't have a suitable garden for it at the time, but it was a bargain so I bought it and stored it away.

Six months later, my friend was asking around to see if anyone had a BBQ she could borrow for her mum's birthday party which friend was hosting. Mine wasn't being used, so I happily lent it to her. She used it and thanked me and said she'd drop it back at some point. As I still didn't have a suitable garden, I said there was no immediate rush.

The following summer, I had a suitable garden and wanted to have a BBQ, but recalled my mate hadn't returned it. I asked her to return it and she apologised for not doing so sooner, but later messaged to say that she's really sorry, she's looked and not been able to find it. Said she must have lost it!

Not quite sure how you can lose a fucking BBQ. I lent it to her unopened, in its box, it weighed a lot and was big and bulky.

I was quite upset, as I'd never even got to use it, but I didn't go off at her as she was pregnant with her first child and she'd had a couple of scares. So, I asked if she could have another look for it and get back to me.

Anyway, long story short, she couldn't find it. I awaited her message to say she'd replace it, but it never came. Her DD was then born and I let it go for a while as she was on mat leave and money was tight. But when she was back working, I asked her outright to replace it and she said she would, but it never materialised.

So, every spring for the past five years I have asked her again if she could please replace my BBQ. She says she will, but doesn't.

I know it's only a BBQ, but it's not something I'd usually be able to afford for the original price and I've held off buying a cheap one, hoping friend will come through with replacement.

Clocks have now gone forward and it's almost time for my annual request for my BBQ! 😅 My mum said I should let it go, but my DH agrees with me and said I should persist for a replacement.

If I lost something I borrowed, expensive or not, I'd replace it straight away.

My friend is doing well for herself and recently got a brand new car, her DD and DS have lovely clothes and lots of tech, so money doesn't seem to be the reason. And if it was, I'd be open to her paying for it in installments.

Soooo....

YABU - Suck it up buttercup, it's gone, get over it.
YANBU - She needs to replace it, regardless of how much time as passed. It's the principle of the matter.

In one of your previous posts you say she sent you links to small BBQ’s and you turned them down as they were not suitable. Unfortunately this was your missed opportunity to say just pay me the £150 cash and I will buy my own. She is aware you got a sale bargain so won’t be stumping up for a £300 replacement. You need to walk her to a cash point machine and stand over her whilst she withdraws £150 in cash as that’s the only way you will get your money back. It might involve a big blazing row on her doorstep but you won’t get any joy from text messages as she will ignore you. Your friendship will be well and truly over if you confront her but as she has disrespected you then would you care? I personally would want the £150 back, you don’t have a hope in hell of getting an equivalent BBQ out of her.

I would definitely tell the husband and her mother, I'd bet money on it neither know anything about 'barb b q gate' or where it truthfully came from.
I think this so called fried isn't a friend but a compulsive liar

the mother and husband will no doubt be more baffled than anything else when the op starts off with…. 6 years ago

She’s no friend - friends don’t steal property!
I would make an unannounced visit and openly search her property for it (who cares what she thinks). Not finding it would mean she’s given it away. If you have a text from her asking to borrow it, I would take her to small claims court - just receiving the court paperwork would make her cough up the money she owes. However, irrespective of whether or not you’re successful in getting her to return it or pay, I would certainly drop her like a hot potato!

I would make an unannounced visit and openly search her property for it

🥇 for most ridiculous (of a ridiculous thread) post on this thread (possibly ever on mumsnet!)

OP, I think you are a bit of a softie and your friend has totally taken advantage. She must have known it was new in box and has either thought you've forgotten and sold it on, or lent it to someone else who won't return it to her and never wanted to say. I think you could ask for the next ten years and not get it back soooo if it were me, I would ask randomly to borrow something lovely and expensive, say around the £150 mark.

By this point I'd probably say "it doesn't look like you're going to replace the lost Bbq, would it be easier for you to just transfer the money & I'll try and find one similar. Just a fyi it was half price at £150. Thanks"

You will need to get a shift on, the only way to get her to replace it is through the small claims court. Or else you are going to have to accept that you have lost your barbeque and your money. This happened to me some years ago, I lent a friend's father a Polaroid camera, never saw it again, it still rankles a little even after all this time.

I would not bother asking again, you either let it go or claim in court. People who borrow like that, seem to always be quick to say no to lending items.

Buy a new one and email her the bill.
They either sold yours or didn't look after it and were embarrassed to return it in a state.

Any update @YorkshireRose80 ?