To think they should still replace it...

[YorkshireRose80]

TLDR:
Friend borrowed expensive item six years ago, lost it and not replaced it despite frequent requests asking for it to be replaced.

Long version:
Six years ago, I bought a £300 fancy BBQ in a sale for £150, I didn't have a suitable garden for it at the time, but it was a bargain so I bought it and stored it away.

Six months later, my friend was asking around to see if anyone had a BBQ she could borrow for her mum's birthday party which friend was hosting. Mine wasn't being used, so I happily lent it to her. She used it and thanked me and said she'd drop it back at some point. As I still didn't have a suitable garden, I said there was no immediate rush.

The following summer, I had a suitable garden and wanted to have a BBQ, but recalled my mate hadn't returned it. I asked her to return it and she apologised for not doing so sooner, but later messaged to say that she's really sorry, she's looked and not been able to find it. Said she must have lost it!

Not quite sure how you can lose a fucking BBQ. I lent it to her unopened, in its box, it weighed a lot and was big and bulky.

I was quite upset, as I'd never even got to use it, but I didn't go off at her as she was pregnant with her first child and she'd had a couple of scares. So, I asked if she could have another look for it and get back to me.

Anyway, long story short, she couldn't find it. I awaited her message to say she'd replace it, but it never came. Her DD was then born and I let it go for a while as she was on mat leave and money was tight. But when she was back working, I asked her outright to replace it and she said she would, but it never materialised.

So, every spring for the past five years I have asked her again if she could please replace my BBQ. She says she will, but doesn't.

I know it's only a BBQ, but it's not something I'd usually be able to afford for the original price and I've held off buying a cheap one, hoping friend will come through with replacement.

Clocks have now gone forward and it's almost time for my annual request for my BBQ! 😅 My mum said I should let it go, but my DH agrees with me and said I should persist for a replacement.

If I lost something I borrowed, expensive or not, I'd replace it straight away.

My friend is doing well for herself and recently got a brand new car, her DD and DS have lovely clothes and lots of tech, so money doesn't seem to be the reason. And if it was, I'd be open to her paying for it in installments.

Soooo....

YABU - Suck it up buttercup, it's gone, get over it.
YANBU - She needs to replace it, regardless of how much time as passed. It's the principle of the matter.

I'd send her a link to the BBQ that's a like for like replacement. I'd also send my bank details for her to pay. I'd ask for payment within a week. Don't ask them to pay and send it to your address, as they'll have the receipt.

I'd also inform in this message that if she doesn't transfer the money, you will be submitting a claim to the small claims court due to her theft of your property. Tell her this will be more expensive for her, as she will also be liable for court costs. Tell her that your original BBQ receipt, the messages between you showing the loan and her refusal to return will ensure the court finds in your favour.

Then follow through with the small court claim if she doesn't pay.

Do this TODAY. You're nearly out of time.

Consider this friendship over. Your "friend" has.

Just reading this is infuriating me. Poor op. She is not a good friend.

Yes good idea. Say I thought you were bringing my barbecue.

She’s either kept or or sold it!

Find the like for like bbq, meet with her in person, ask her to order it now while your are.there and have it delivered to your house.

Not necessarily. If she's acknowledged the debt within the last six years you still have time to claim.

She has sold it hasn’t she. Or she is lying to you. Time for her to give you the money? Or find a new friend. Unless she has a habit of losing large items…
but it has happened more than once hasn’t it.

No, I wouldn't let this lie.
I'd ask bluntly one more time, sending a link, giving a deadline etc and if you don't get it back I would NEVER speak to her again.
It a blatant disregard for you in so many ways and it's unacceptable

Could you offer to go round and help her look for it?

I suspect it there and trashed or she’s lent it on and its not been returned to her?

Came here to say the same, glad it’s the second post!
She isn’t a friend. She’s incredibly rude. Get your money/replacement and then cut her off.

It’s either rusted or she just wants to keep it for free. If it’s the latter she should at least say but offer you £150 for it.

This reminds me a bit of some family friends who were more DB’s friends who wanted to stay in DP’s French holiday home and drove there. DM asked if they could bring back 2 small bags of clothes for her and they said yes. On returning no sign of clothes and they said they’d lost them. There were some nice, unusual clothes there including presents of clothes from stepdad to DM. They’re still speaking but I still can’t understand how they got lost, their house was a state though messy and very cluttered (hoarder scale) so DM thinks the bags got mixed up and binned by mistake. If it were me I’d have offered at least the value of some of the clothes as a gesture, they both worked.

I really am intrigued about your active friendship with her, with this hanging over you. How does that work.

It must be embarrassing to have to keep asking - and for her to keep hoping you will drop it, whilst at the same time, still being friends and still doing friends stuff together.

It’s become like an annual game to her. You ask. She says yes I will. She conveniently forgets. So you conveniently forget. The clocks go forward. You ask again. And round and round you go for six years ! No wonder she doesn’t take your request seriously, it’s a farce.

I think you can’t expect an actual like for like bbq replacement now. It’s too late. They probably don’t make them like that any more.
But you can expect the £150 cash instead.

So this time OP, if you are still really determined to right this wrong done to you, you need to make it the final time of asking.
Message her with your bank details and TELL her you expect £150 in your account by the end of the week, …..no more going round in circles and being fobbed off, do it right now please, no excuses, then we can get on with enjoying our very solid friendship without this embarrassment hanging over us.

This would have been the chance to actually find out what happened to it. If she was that drunk she would have probably let slip. I reckon she still has it and uses it every summer.

Speak to her husband sbout it, explain the situation, I'd hazard a guess he knows none of the back story!!
But I wouldn't let it go either, just on principle and the cheek of her.
To me it wouldn't be about the barb b q as such, it would be the blatant lie that she 'lost it' htaf do u lose a bar b q ?
Did a huge sink hole in the garden take it away? I think she broke it and skipped it

Can’t you just ask for the £150 back that’s a lot easier , no faffing around with links just a bank transfer from her

You need to let it go. She tried to give it you back right away but you told her not to. Put it down to experience and next time you lend something out then accept it back when it’s being returned to you.

This. Never mind she was pregnant, short of money etc. There is no way you can lose a BBQ. She has probably sold it/given it away. Your mistake was letting this farce go on so long.

yep

and add in fact that for last 6 years the op has been asking her neighbour to trundle along her bbq to the OP’s!

and then you get suggestions like this 🙄

Just ask for your money back, with or without interest and give her a deadline. Obviously, it’s seriously bad behaviour to have “lost” your bbq, but it was silly to have expected her to store your bbq for you until you needed it back, you should have got it back straight away. It’s also silly to expect her to pay full price for an equivalent bbq that you got in a sale. And it’s silly to ask her to buy you a new bbq, rather than give you the cash to get on and buy one yourself. As for letting this go on for 5 years, that’s a ridiculously long time for this to be going on for. You need to decide whether she is a selfish, self-centred friend, or no friend at all.

seriously?

Small claims court...........

She's not lost it she's sold it or kept it a £300 BBQ isn't small enough to lose unless it was left out and someone stole it

She really should replace it, however it sounds like she has decided that isn't going to happen.
You may well have to 'write it off', unless you want to go down the small claims route, never lend her anything again, and also consider the fact that she isn't really a friend or she would have returned/replaced/gave you the money to replace.

Probably because in most friendships neither party would behave like this! Ie borrower would buy new BBQ or send money immediately if she actually valued the friendship, and if you like you’re friend why can’t you have a chat instead of asking a load of strangers 🤷‍♀️