To think they should still replace it...

[YorkshireRose80]

TLDR:
Friend borrowed expensive item six years ago, lost it and not replaced it despite frequent requests asking for it to be replaced.

Long version:
Six years ago, I bought a £300 fancy BBQ in a sale for £150, I didn't have a suitable garden for it at the time, but it was a bargain so I bought it and stored it away.

Six months later, my friend was asking around to see if anyone had a BBQ she could borrow for her mum's birthday party which friend was hosting. Mine wasn't being used, so I happily lent it to her. She used it and thanked me and said she'd drop it back at some point. As I still didn't have a suitable garden, I said there was no immediate rush.

The following summer, I had a suitable garden and wanted to have a BBQ, but recalled my mate hadn't returned it. I asked her to return it and she apologised for not doing so sooner, but later messaged to say that she's really sorry, she's looked and not been able to find it. Said she must have lost it!

Not quite sure how you can lose a fucking BBQ. I lent it to her unopened, in its box, it weighed a lot and was big and bulky.

I was quite upset, as I'd never even got to use it, but I didn't go off at her as she was pregnant with her first child and she'd had a couple of scares. So, I asked if she could have another look for it and get back to me.

Anyway, long story short, she couldn't find it. I awaited her message to say she'd replace it, but it never came. Her DD was then born and I let it go for a while as she was on mat leave and money was tight. But when she was back working, I asked her outright to replace it and she said she would, but it never materialised.

So, every spring for the past five years I have asked her again if she could please replace my BBQ. She says she will, but doesn't.

I know it's only a BBQ, but it's not something I'd usually be able to afford for the original price and I've held off buying a cheap one, hoping friend will come through with replacement.

Clocks have now gone forward and it's almost time for my annual request for my BBQ! 😅 My mum said I should let it go, but my DH agrees with me and said I should persist for a replacement.

If I lost something I borrowed, expensive or not, I'd replace it straight away.

My friend is doing well for herself and recently got a brand new car, her DD and DS have lovely clothes and lots of tech, so money doesn't seem to be the reason. And if it was, I'd be open to her paying for it in installments.

Soooo....

YABU - Suck it up buttercup, it's gone, get over it.
YANBU - She needs to replace it, regardless of how much time as passed. It's the principle of the matter.

YANBU

HOWEVER…..it’s probably time to let it go. But don’t forget… there was that “thing” she has, that you don’t, that you could REALLY do with borrowing….. and what a shame when you lose it and can’t return it. What are the chances eh?’

maybe buy a new one, but keep the receipt and keep persisting she give you the money for a new one. you don't have to tell her you've already bought one. I don't think she plans to give you the money though. I wouldn't keep calling her a friend any more. Friends don't do that to one another.

I bet she couldn’t be bothered to clean it or maybe she damaged it.

I would say something like ‘I resent being put in the position of annually asking for my BBQ back so let’s nip this in the bud. Please transfer £150 to my account (insert account details) and I will source one myself.’

Just send her your bank details and say you want the £150 to cover the cost of your “lost” bbq. She probably won’t send it, but then you just end the friendship. She sounds awfully ungrateful.

I wouldn't be asking her to replace it anymore but I would be asking for the £150 so you can buy yourself a new one.

Definitely sold it she has I would be saying look Gill you had my bloody bbq you didn't lose it how the fuck could you it's huge! Either buy me a replacement or that's the end of this friendship

Don't ever lend something to someone that you definitely want back.

she could have it delivered directly to your house, then nobody needs to collect anything. Thats just an excuse.

I doubt it. When people exaggerate they lose the upper hand, it just makes them look deluded and that they aren't serious.

You actually still call her a 'friend' after all this time?

Do you see much of her?

Arrange to go for lunch, and you'll give her a lift... and go to Dobbies (or similar!)

Absolutely this!! Brilliant 🤣🤣

if someone posted this, i would have to read and then reread to make sure i had read that this person was posting about something 6 YEARS ago!! and then id probably chuckle to myself at the bizarre post

I'd be furious! Tell her you want it replacing asap and if she doesn't I would cut her off.

@WildBear do you honestly think that SM is the way to go?!

She's never going to replace it - let it go. Also let her go because this woman is not your friend.

I haven’t voted. IMO you are not BU but you’ve got to let it go (and possibly with the friendship too).

The BBQ was £300 worth on sale for £150 so definitely wouldn't be happy with £100

I think you just need to really lay it out..

Hi friend. I've already asked this a couple of times, and despite your assurances that you'll replace it you haven't. So can you just transfer me the money for that bbq I leant you. I've tried to be patient and reasonable, I didn't make a big deal of it when you were on mat leave with a young baby but it would seem your back at work and doing pretty well so I think replacing the item you borrowed from me and then lost is well overdue. My details are....

You aren't being unreasonable but I think its time to let it go and cut her off, 5 years is a long time to go without a bbq 😞

Tbh I think you made a mistake lending it to her saying you were in no rush for it back, and as time went on she used it many times, probably all crapped up, and kind of assumed it was now hers as you hadnt followed up for a few months. If you lend something for an event, always ask for it’s return immediately after. I did this with a book (a lot smaller and inexpensive I know) I hadn’t read it myself yet but loaned it to a family member when they were recuperating from an op. A year down the line when going on holiday, I asked for it back. She then claimed she hadnt borrowed it from me and that she’d actually bought it herself, but would loan it me if I wanted! Probably with time she did actually think she had bought it. ! Obviously the book only cost a few pounds so I just let it go, but it still bugs me sometimes when I visit and it’s there on the bookcase…..

YANBU. But I bet she never replaces it.

I'd arrange to meet up with her and once you're together say can we please buy this bloody bbq now? I'd be really pissed off too, and find it hard to let it go. We've got family who always borrow stuff and return it either broken or with parts missing and it's just plain rude.

You know she sold it. I would give her one last chance with a hard deadline: "I'm having family over on _ and we are planning to grill. Please return or replace my grill by _ (prior weekend date). Alternatively, if you just want to pay me _ (the money you spent on it which will now get you a much cheaper grill) that is fine. I really can not wait any longer. Thanks in advance." Give her a month. If she doesn't come up with a grill YET AGAIN then you know she has no intention of replacing it ... SO. It will then be up to you to 1) forgive & forget & buy a new grill (and dump her as a friend forever), or 2) take her to court (and dump her as a friend forever). No one would blame you either way - it's more about what you can live with. Either way, with her buying new cars and clothing etc while you and a neighbor trundle a different grill around is absurd.

btw - you state above that you like this lady, but I would watch your back. This lady is NOT a nice person - she's a user.

I can’t vote. You’re right to be pissed off still and I understand why you didn’t over challenge at the time but I think you need to accept she’s lent it to someone else/ sold it now and it’s up to you to decide whether you can forgive this and keep your friendship or not. And never lend anything you would be upset not to get back because not all people are good

Write it off. Don't lend her anything again.