To think they should still replace it...

[YorkshireRose80]

TLDR:
Friend borrowed expensive item six years ago, lost it and not replaced it despite frequent requests asking for it to be replaced.

Long version:
Six years ago, I bought a £300 fancy BBQ in a sale for £150, I didn't have a suitable garden for it at the time, but it was a bargain so I bought it and stored it away.

Six months later, my friend was asking around to see if anyone had a BBQ she could borrow for her mum's birthday party which friend was hosting. Mine wasn't being used, so I happily lent it to her. She used it and thanked me and said she'd drop it back at some point. As I still didn't have a suitable garden, I said there was no immediate rush.

The following summer, I had a suitable garden and wanted to have a BBQ, but recalled my mate hadn't returned it. I asked her to return it and she apologised for not doing so sooner, but later messaged to say that she's really sorry, she's looked and not been able to find it. Said she must have lost it!

Not quite sure how you can lose a fucking BBQ. I lent it to her unopened, in its box, it weighed a lot and was big and bulky.

I was quite upset, as I'd never even got to use it, but I didn't go off at her as she was pregnant with her first child and she'd had a couple of scares. So, I asked if she could have another look for it and get back to me.

Anyway, long story short, she couldn't find it. I awaited her message to say she'd replace it, but it never came. Her DD was then born and I let it go for a while as she was on mat leave and money was tight. But when she was back working, I asked her outright to replace it and she said she would, but it never materialised.

So, every spring for the past five years I have asked her again if she could please replace my BBQ. She says she will, but doesn't.

I know it's only a BBQ, but it's not something I'd usually be able to afford for the original price and I've held off buying a cheap one, hoping friend will come through with replacement.

Clocks have now gone forward and it's almost time for my annual request for my BBQ! 😅 My mum said I should let it go, but my DH agrees with me and said I should persist for a replacement.

If I lost something I borrowed, expensive or not, I'd replace it straight away.

My friend is doing well for herself and recently got a brand new car, her DD and DS have lovely clothes and lots of tech, so money doesn't seem to be the reason. And if it was, I'd be open to her paying for it in installments.

Soooo....

YABU - Suck it up buttercup, it's gone, get over it.
YANBU - She needs to replace it, regardless of how much time as passed. It's the principle of the matter.

Message and say as you seem to be affording these nice things please replace my bbq as I lent it to you brand new and you lost it! If no again… cut her off!

Tell her she owes you the money for a new bbq or you’ll go to small claims court - she is not much of a friend is she?

one of those mumsnet’s “friendships”

where neither party seems to like one another in the slightest

How have you arrived at that conclusion? I wouldn't lend something to someone I didn't like. Nor would I be mindful of their situation before asking for it back if I disliked them.

Tell her to replace it and persist until she does. Don't wait another year. Tell her you haven't had a BBQ for 5 years because she still hasn't replaced it and you can't afford to. Make her feel guilty. Tell her you want your child to enjoy their first BBQ at home.

I would have bought a new BBQ five years ago and just asked her for the money.

Maybe do that this year?

Your imagination is running free there. Bit random.

OP I'm not sure. I'd want to ask again.

Why don't you buy a new one and bill her £100 towards it?

Or invite her over for a BBQ and have nothing when she gets there and see if it sinks in.

so this kind of friendship resonates with you

ok

Or when she asks if she should bring anything tell her to bring a BBQ.

Matter of fact email saying you need your BBQ, if she STILL can't find it, here's a link to an exact same one on sale at x.

Do this but say 'I'll provide the food, you bring the BBQ'

Send her a link to the bbq - all she needs to do then is put her card details in. Don't just mention it once and then wait a year to ask again!

So, every spring for the past five years I have asked her again if she could please replace my BBQ. She says she will, but doesn't.

so for five summers FIVE you have gone without a bbq despite having a garden now?! bloody. hell.

She's not giving it back or replacing it
Stop being friends with her

My neighbour is a close friend and has trundled her BBQ round a few times for me to use... and return.

Can you find the same model and send her a link. Say "Just a reminder that you still owe me one if these. Now the weather is improving I would like it before the next Bank Holiday weekend at the vet least"

If she doesn't respond to that then she is no friend and I am afraid you are unlikely to see it again.

But I think it is worth trying to shame her with to one last try. Frankly by now I would only accept a new replacement because if the original did magically turn up the chances are it has Benn sitting somewhere neglected or been used multiple times or has been ruined

Lost it? You don't lose a BBQ.

I'd maybe have one more go by saying something open ended like,

what's going going on with this barbecue then Jenny?

with the expectation it would end the friendship, as she will either have to admit to having lied to you repeatedly, or stump up the cash for a replacement which she clearly isn't prepared to do or she'd have done it.

I think the ship has sailed, OP. You should have pursued it when she first said she'd lost it.

for more than half a decade op you’ve used you’ve friends bbq.

i think the time has come for you to treat yourself!

Time limit for claIms is 6 years…….

i wonder if your neighbour. friend has started a thread

“AIBU to ask my friend to buy her own bbq after 5 years of taking mine around to her?”

this

get off MN, send a text. Job done

Haha! Maybe. 😅 TBH, my friend who lives round the corner doesn't have a big garden and lives alone, so the BBQ has been used more at mine than hers! She doesn't want to part with it though, not that I'd expect her to.

She'll have sold it and used the money on herself.