To think they should still replace it...

[YorkshireRose80]

TLDR:
Friend borrowed expensive item six years ago, lost it and not replaced it despite frequent requests asking for it to be replaced.

Long version:
Six years ago, I bought a £300 fancy BBQ in a sale for £150, I didn't have a suitable garden for it at the time, but it was a bargain so I bought it and stored it away.

Six months later, my friend was asking around to see if anyone had a BBQ she could borrow for her mum's birthday party which friend was hosting. Mine wasn't being used, so I happily lent it to her. She used it and thanked me and said she'd drop it back at some point. As I still didn't have a suitable garden, I said there was no immediate rush.

The following summer, I had a suitable garden and wanted to have a BBQ, but recalled my mate hadn't returned it. I asked her to return it and she apologised for not doing so sooner, but later messaged to say that she's really sorry, she's looked and not been able to find it. Said she must have lost it!

Not quite sure how you can lose a fucking BBQ. I lent it to her unopened, in its box, it weighed a lot and was big and bulky.

I was quite upset, as I'd never even got to use it, but I didn't go off at her as she was pregnant with her first child and she'd had a couple of scares. So, I asked if she could have another look for it and get back to me.

Anyway, long story short, she couldn't find it. I awaited her message to say she'd replace it, but it never came. Her DD was then born and I let it go for a while as she was on mat leave and money was tight. But when she was back working, I asked her outright to replace it and she said she would, but it never materialised.

So, every spring for the past five years I have asked her again if she could please replace my BBQ. She says she will, but doesn't.

I know it's only a BBQ, but it's not something I'd usually be able to afford for the original price and I've held off buying a cheap one, hoping friend will come through with replacement.

Clocks have now gone forward and it's almost time for my annual request for my BBQ! 😅 My mum said I should let it go, but my DH agrees with me and said I should persist for a replacement.

If I lost something I borrowed, expensive or not, I'd replace it straight away.

My friend is doing well for herself and recently got a brand new car, her DD and DS have lovely clothes and lots of tech, so money doesn't seem to be the reason. And if it was, I'd be open to her paying for it in installments.

Soooo....

YABU - Suck it up buttercup, it's gone, get over it.
YANBU - She needs to replace it, regardless of how much time as passed. It's the principle of the matter.

This is a long drawn out affair.

You lent it to her in 2019.

Just get another one and don't lend her anything again

Friend borrowed expensive item six years ago

2018!!

I'd ask her again firmly, pointing out how long you've waited and you've been very considerate and if it wasn't forthcoming it would be the end of the non friendship.

Yanbu, I’m angry on your behalf!
You now need to be firm “ Hi friend, please could you return the bbq I lent you. I’ve now been asking you to return it since 2019! I will need it by 1st May. If you still can’t find it, please transfer me the money to buy one of the equivalent standard. I’m sure you appreciate that I can’t wait any longer. Thanks”

Then she will say can't afford it and then nothing. She's got away with it.

Again, pointless as giving cheeky fucker non friend an out.

I’d let it go and buy myself a new one. The friendship is surely worth more. Just don’t lend her anything else.

Why is it worth more? It's clearly worth nothing to the BBQ stealer.

This year when you ask for a replacement say it's X model and here's the link for ordering it. Tell her you're hosting a family BBQ in may or whenever so there's a deadline. Does she have her own bbq now?!

I think I would forget about it after all this time!

I would send her a message asking her to return it. Include a link to the same one. Say you are planning a family bbq whenever. So can she either:
---Make sure a replacement is delivered to your address, or,
---Return the original one.
Say you are happy either way but need one or the other by such a date.

Not sure why it crossed out my first option. 🤦🏻‍♀️

😂😆🤣. Sorry. I said basically the same

I haven't sent one message a year, I've sent many. Sometimes she'd reply with some links to some crappy small BBQs for two people, asking if any suited. I replied saying not really, I need a like for like replacement, one that would cook more than two sausages. She says she'll look for more and then go quiet again.

I'd message her again, she's reply saying she'd got distracted with baby and would look when she got a moment.

I did said some links of my own and was told she'd take a look and speak to her partner as he'd have to collect it. Then go quiet again.

It's just when the the clocks go forward, it always reminds me to ask her again. 😅🙈

I saw her face to face a couple of weeks ago , bumped into her on a night out, but she was shit faced and wouldn't have remembered anything we discussed, so I left it.

Thanks everyone for the replies.

I have a couple of different tactics to try it seems. Then if she doesn't replace it, I'll buy a big bastard BBQ on Klarna or something to spread the costs.

Then plaster photos of my first fabulous BBQ garden party all over Facebook, before blocking her.

No, I don't know her mum. It was a family BBQ anyway.

Thanks for advice.

Nope. Then again, I didn't invite her to any at mine....

Oh, wait a minute.... 😅

OP it has probably rusted and got thrown away at some point. It sounds like you should have taken it back when she first offered and your 'there's no hurry' attitude has backfired maybe. Barbeques are not a pleasure to clean either.I think you should chalk this up to experience as unpalatable as it is. She has offered to replace it except with something inferior to your mind. I would doubt it would be servicable after all those years even if you hadn't leant it to her and used it yourself tbh. It's up to you if you hold a grudge and write the friendship off too

Have you actually seen this “friend” and spent time with her in the last 5 years? Do you socialise often? I can’t imagine any of my close friends just ignoring the fact they “lost” something of mine after borrowing it. It’s very strange!!!

Let it go.
It's been 6 years. You're not getting it back.

On principle, I wouldn't let this go. It's just downright rude and out of order what she's done.

I prefer a face to face rather than a text as it's easier to fob someone off in a text but I'd find a barbecue that is like for like, send her a link or show it to her and say I'm having a family barbecue on X date and I need you to sort this out. 6 years is taking the absolute piss. Tell her you loaned it to her in good faith as that's what friends do, and that she doesn't seem to be taking this seriously enough but you do expect that barbecue to be replaced.

so this “friendship”

sounds like everything a friendship shouldn’t be

On reflection on my previous 'let it go' comment, I think I'd have some fun with this to get it out of my system

Random but regular 'where's my BBQ, where's my BBQ, where's my BBQ' texts, Barbie birthday cards, come on barbie lets go party music links, the odd postcode 'brits having a BBQ', a 'missing BBQ' notice on the lamp post outside her house

Really drive her mad about it.

She says she’s lost it… surely she replaced it then as she’s not been without a bbq all these years? Doorstep her saying “urgently need a bbq, can I borrow yours?!”
Then, you know what to do.

I wouldn’t ask for money . I would send her a link if what she needs to return asap