Partner knocking a drink over trying to tell my 3 year old off at restaurant give you the ick?

[koolpop]

My three year old was calmly eating his food and standing up on his seat and waving at the other toddler behind him. He was in the booth in between me and my older daughter. He wasn't making a mess, a fuss or annoying the family behind us. They weren't bothered at all and their little girl who looked ages with him were waving back and forth. (I'm very sure she goes to his nursery but it's always a child minder who collects this girl so I have no idea who mum or dad are)

He kept going sit down. Sit down and then put his hand across the table to sit him down spilling my drink all over my son's plate and all over my coat and the table. And was like "aww fuck sake" like it was our fault? I just pretended I didn't even see it happen and kept eating. There's no reason to have done it in the first place.

I haven't felt attraction towards him since. Why would you possibly do that. He was bothering no one. It didn't seem like an out of control kids or I had co control over him and just let him run wild. He was eating standing up waving. Sitting down eating standing up waving etc.

He is just my boyfriend of a year. He isn't the kids dad etc. for context

I understand where you are coming from, but think about it. At what point will your little one understand that he has to behave differently in a different type of restaurant. He’s a little child. He won’t get it. Letting him stand on the seats in an eating place sometimes, teaches him it’s okay to stand on the seats. You also say, you told him to sit down several times and then because you saw the other child waving back, you let him stand. All he learned from this is that he can ignore you 🤷‍♀️

People on here can be vile, OP. It’s not a supportive forum at all. This is not about your level of parenting.

Sounds like he might have different thoughts on parenting styles and behaviour. If you still like the guy I would keep an eye on it and get rid if you see more that you don’t agree with.

You could also raise it with him, set some boundaries, and there might be a reasonable explanation. Put your little ones first though my lovely. Plenty of other men out there.

I hate it when other people's children do things like this because it makes it hard for my children to understand why they can't do things like stand on furniture in restaurants.
My personal opinion is he needed to be told to sit down and you weren't doing it so your boyfriend felt he had to

YOU should have made your child sit down. Standing on seats isn't necessary and it's a bad habit to allow them to do it. Your boyfriend has different ideas of what is acceptable, this means it won't work long term. You should have made him buy a new drink/meal and not ignored his behaviour.

This. Parent your child. Standing on the seat in a restaurant is not OK.

Your DC should not be standing on his seat. I'd have made him sit down properly myself. Your DP was trying to get your DC to sit down because you didn't. I can't see this relationship working because you don't agree on what is acceptable DC behaviour.

Oh well! That makes it OK then to man handle an innocent, defenseless child, who is not yours, throw verbal abuse around, knock over a drink in aggressiveness, then gaslight the partner into making them think it's their fault.

Jesus.

OP I'm really sorry to read some of the posts on here. It's really unkind to bash people in this way. I have a feeling they wouldn't be so enthusiastic with their viewpoint if it was directly to your face.

My advice ... it's absolutely out of order to use the f word in front of a toddler so just based on that alone, I would ask myself if your bloke is right for you and your family anyway.

I work as a nursery teacher and so for me, teaching good table manners at 3 is perfectly reasonable. You wouldn't want your child standing up on the dining chairs at school. See these situations as excellent learning opportunities for him. Spending time explaining why he can't stand up on a chair in a public place etc. Being reasonable and explaining that it's okay to say hello but not to climb etc Consistency is key at this age. Mixed messages just set them up to fail. Tbh any child at nursery that is not given boundaries at home often find school life tricky which often leads to poor learning . You sound like a kind, understanding parent, so may be think about how you can educate your child in lots of different settings.

I imagine it was hard for op’s son to understand why he couldn’t do it too considering his friend from nursery was standing waving at him and her parents were allowing it.

Op has said her bf does not parent in any positive way - he has made no effort to form a relationship or engage with the dc. All he does is react angrily if they’re annoying him. That’s the issue.

He’s made it clear if they split up (even after years together) that he will not be interested in the children or care how they’re doing.

This context should have probably been provided at the start op!

Bin him, put your children first always.

@Minfilia maybe her child has SEN, it’s helpful not to judge other parents unless our own children are perfect isn’t it!

I'm surprised so many people get so uptight about a 3 year old standing at a booth- sometimes it's the lesser of evils if he is entertaining himself that way. Anyway parenting styles are irrelevant, sounds like the boyfriend was having a tantrum- you don't need 2 toddlers.

It wouldn't bother me if she'd said she took his shoes off. I just don't like shoes on seats. I was on a train a couple of weeks ago, for some reason there was a really cheap first class ticket that was cheaper than the standard so I thought great I'll enjoy this journey. A woman sitting across the aisle from me had her muddy shoes up on the seat opposite her and I kept thinking of the poor person who'd sit on that muddy seat next.

Don't ever let a boyfriend discipline your child. You're the parent. You set the boundaries. If your son needs either re-directing, distracting or telling off - that is your job - and your boyfriend needs to check in with you, every single time.

Why didn't you tell boyfriend to reel it in and you'll discuss it later?

But you're not off the hook. Why did you just ignore it and pretend nothing happened????

I really don't think you should be letting boyfriends move in with you and impose their own rules on your family, if you're not able to handle your own family and family relationship with your son.

Do you really need a boyfriend?

I have a child with SEN.

But funnily enough, I still never let him stand on restaurant chairs 🙄

I guess my point is whatever you think of the severity of the behavior of standing on the booth, it never, in my mind, justifies the boyfriend being rough and buffoonish. People defending his behavior because they think the boy shouldn't have been standing are wrong IMO. It's a complete lack of understanding of 1. small child behavior and 2. appropriate adult behavior. A small child will do things we don't approve of in places like restaurants, and it's our job to lovingly educate them on the right way. Or, sometimes when you are exhausted and he is doing something a little off and it isn't harming anyone, we look the other way. Sorry, that's reality. In any case she needs to break up with him immediately. He is not good for thr boy.

Surely taking his shoes off is worse. It’s a restaurant where people are trying to eat 🤢 not bloody soft play.

It would have made me feel the same way OP.
Best to end it now.

@Minfilia you would think you would be more understanding of individual circumstances then.

I feel very envious of those who found it easy to get their 3 year old to sit still through a meal in a restaurant. He was not misbehaving. He was just being 3.

Theres always one! 🤣🤣

@lfcarroll if you listen to the bs on here, they would have you believe that their 3 year olds are sitting nicely eating with the correct cutlery. Load of BS, kids will be kids despite our best efforts to educate them. No one is perfect all the time.

Yes and it’s you!

I can't see why a 3 year old's socks would put people off eating and I would hope they'd be cleaner than his shoes.

Even if the child has Sen you still have to parent them.