Partner knocking a drink over trying to tell my 3 year old off at restaurant give you the ick?

[koolpop]

My three year old was calmly eating his food and standing up on his seat and waving at the other toddler behind him. He was in the booth in between me and my older daughter. He wasn't making a mess, a fuss or annoying the family behind us. They weren't bothered at all and their little girl who looked ages with him were waving back and forth. (I'm very sure she goes to his nursery but it's always a child minder who collects this girl so I have no idea who mum or dad are)

He kept going sit down. Sit down and then put his hand across the table to sit him down spilling my drink all over my son's plate and all over my coat and the table. And was like "aww fuck sake" like it was our fault? I just pretended I didn't even see it happen and kept eating. There's no reason to have done it in the first place.

I haven't felt attraction towards him since. Why would you possibly do that. He was bothering no one. It didn't seem like an out of control kids or I had co control over him and just let him run wild. He was eating standing up waving. Sitting down eating standing up waving etc.

He is just my boyfriend of a year. He isn't the kids dad etc. for context

3 year old standing in the restaurant. of course you tell him to sit down, but you dont really expect him to stay quiet and sitting for an hour.

'Stay quiet and sitting' isn't the same thing as not standing on the seat.

Here we go again- someone else imagining things that are not in the posts.

manhandle
push him down
get worked up
not stay quiet and sit still for an hour

None of these words were used by the OP.

Your 'chill out' is another family's nightmare lunch where the kid on the next table is standing up on the bench and waving despite his mum telling him to stop.

The red flag is a parent who is oblivious to social behaviour and also gives up on discipline when her child ignores what they ask.

This.

I don’t know why you’d be fine with your kid standing on the seats, imposing on another family trying to eat their meals.

No harm done, sure, but it’s basic manners, and you’d do well to instil them from a young age.

Your partner was probably embarrassed that you weren’t getting him to sit down or reading the room.

If you discipline your kids yourself, you probably won’t find people wanting to do it for you…

So many keep acting like he Hulk Smashed his way through the table

He reached across the table to make the child sit down - clearly this means he was going to physically sit the child down (otherwise there would be no need to reach across the table), and I think this fits the definition of ‘manhandling’.

Or, like many PP have said, he might have been going to tap his arm.

All the people shaming her because the toddler was standing between them and interacting over a booth with another child, it's really not that huge. It happens a lot and as the other parent I would wave back and interact with both kids. The mum is clearly aware of surroundings and had he been running round, making loud noises and disturbing others, fair enough you can say she's not managing behaviour but if he's calm and happy and eating and standing well thats a step up from throwing the food and trying to escape a chair, I don't see the issue. Apparently, in an ideal world a toddler will sit neatly eating his food and be completely occupied by adult conversation around the table, have perfect table manners and behave like an adult ..... No, no they don't! They are still learning and they model the behaviour they see over time and as the get older they find it easier to "sit nicely". I'd be more concerned that my kid is learning the way to reason with others is the shout, swear and man handle them.

One thing I don't like about Mumsnet is the amount of mum shamers, always ignoring the real issue (kid being told off by man his mum is in a relationship with and grabbed at & sworn in front of) excusing the partners behaviour because it's got to be the woman's fault in this case for not parenting that child and making it sit still and behave like anything but a toddler.

We don't know who you are behind your keyboard but I see you, if you were perfect and human you'd not be going at her like this-just saying ✌️

Bf probably has no idea how to parent a child

I agree and initially advised op to talk to him and make expectations clear however…

Op in later posts explains she has pulled him up on not engaging or putting any effort in with the dc and simply defaulting to angry disciplinarian when the dc annoy him.

He has made no effort to change- simply saying this is how his dad parented- with an iron fist.
I can see how he had been taught this is how the man of the house behaves but op has told him repeatedly not to take this approach and he continues.

The miserable family meal- presumably a nice treat for dc was probably the final straw. He was grumpy, and angry in his interactions with the three year lad and lost his temper when he knocked a drink over.

Unattractive as fuck.

The fact you say you pretended you didn't see it happen, and didn't challenge his behaviour when manhandling and swearing at your child says it all. You know what you have to do!!

I take a different perspective , as i had a kid with adhd who ran everywhere, would not sit, would not even stand still. He is 3 and still has time to learn to sit in a resturant and was not really doing anyone any harm . You parent differently.
Yes , partner's reaction was an overreaction and i would be questionning the relationship too.

This&

You shouldn't have let your child misbehave in a restaurant ie stand on the bench and wave at another child. Your partner was embarrassed and so would I have been. He shouldn't have got involved in disciplining your child though.

This.

I think people forget what 3 year olds are like. 🙄

Hmm this is a tough one as obviously he didn't mean to spill the drink & doesn't seem overally unreasonable to ask a child of that age to sit down...

Idk I see both sides. Hubby was embarrassed but you were letting ur child be a child. I know as grown ups we go say hi to people we know at a restaurant which is eventually what the kids doing ( in the kid way). I guess I would be pissed because rather than reaching he should got up, walked over and calmly asked the child to sit or offered to take him for a little walk to get his wiggles/ energy out so he can be ready to sit if it bothered him that bad. It does work, used to do it with my cousins ( I was 16 when the oldest was born) often. They loved " raunt vemtures"

Maybe if you had of been correcting your child’s behaviour then the boyfriend wouldn’t have had to intervene, his child or not. May not have been an issue to you but children sit in a restaurant, not sit up and down on chairs willy nilly. I’m sure he did himself and other diners a favour. Parenting styles vary hugely and this behaviour give me the ick, wouldn’t have had any of mine doing this when people are out and paying for food during their free time. They need to learn how to behave.

This would have made me furious, and definitely have given me the massive ick. No thanks. Im
sorry I haven’t read the ten million posts so don’t know if your bf has his own kids… but don’t think it matters I wouldn’t want my own kids around him.

I loathe all humans with feet on seats! Disgusting. 🤢

Your partner was probably wondering why checked out and letting your child misbehave in a restaurant. Seems he got flustered with embarrassment. Either way it seems you’re incompatible for the long term. Set him free!

If I were the other family I’d be seething. 1) my kid is going to want to copy yours, and will struggle to understand why yours can dick about without being told off. 2) you were probably distracting the other child from eating their food.

if I were your bloke, I’d have the ick by your inability to parent your child. He was probably embarrassed by your kids behaviour, and waiting for you to act. Don’t let your kid put their dirty feet on seats, getting food all over the top of the booth.

Shouldn't be standing on a chair, doesn't matter what type of restaurant it is. But that doesn't condone his reaction.

Personally I wouldn’t listen to all these negative comments. Your child is not misbehaving if they’re on a seat, they’re 3 for crying out loud! If that’s how you feel about the guy you should talk to him if he’s the kind of guy to listen, if he’s not I reckon you have you’re answer

Time to wave good bye 👋 unpredictable whether it could happen again,you will just be walking on egg shells.what am uncalledful thing to do.

Your child is just doing what any other child would do.Be different if he was misbehaving he was just interacting with a child of a similar age.He dosent seem right for u or your children

This 👆 If this man isn’t the child’s father though, I wouldn’t want him around my child. If he is the child’s father, he clearly wants his child to learn to behave nicely in a restaurant.

Bin the BF. Stop your 3 year old from standing on chairs. No feet on seats.