Why do people not like using holiday clubs?

[Youdirtylittlehamster]

Speaking to ex-MIL. She's off with me. I don't know why. Later she comes to the point, why have I booked the DC's into holiday clubs when she could have them for free.
I don't want to tell her that it's because she doesn't do anything with them. Sometimes when I've picked them up she's let them be on their tablets all day, they haven't eaten any proper meals (once, just Hariono and crisps) they haven't washed or got changed, they aren't learning anything.
The reason I don't want to tell her is because I don't think she feels that any of this is important.
We fundamentally don't see eye to eye about this topic. She feels school holidays are for doing whatever the children want, with no limits or demands of them. She never worked when her children are school so doesn't get why I have to work them, and why I don't just tell my boss that I'm taking every school holiday off as 'I have children so surely they must understand'.

I like holiday clubs. I like the variety of the things they do. I like that they come home with stories and make new friends. My DD has EBSA at times, and it is much better to keep the routine of getting up in the week, getting dressed, having that separation from me. They do things there that I'm not good at like sports and baking. They meet kids from other schools and walks of life. Yes it is expensive but can be spread over a few months or budgeted for. If you are on UC then you can claim it back.

The amount of mums on single parent FB groups who limit their careers by only looking for term time jobs. Surely if you choose a job which pays 30k rather than 18K pro rata but you have to work some school holidays then you still end up better off?
I wonder if part of it is how they were brought up. I always went to holiday clubs, as my mum worked, so I don't think badly of them. The way some of my friends talk it's like I'm sending them down the pit!

My guess in answer to your title is that having your children spend time with family in non structured time is prioritised differently from you.

People do what works best for them in thir circumstances and their priorities.

I don’t think holiday clubs every day are brilliant for kids (and we run them 😀). Unstructured time where they can chill/do their own thing is also good. If needs must and you have no other option but holiday clubs or there is a particular interest your kids have and they really want to do it (that is what ours would fall under) then fine but a mix is good. School is structured enough as it is. No judgement if no other option though!

My MIL is very helpful. DS prefers to go to her when we need childcare in the holidays. She does a variety of things with him.

If MIL wasn’t willing/she just sat him on a tablet all day he would 100% go to holiday clubs.

@Teeheehee1579 yeah I think a mix is best. I choose different ones, so some are sports, some are dance, Forest school etc. I do take some time off too, but I don't need the whole week off and I don't think my children need that from me either.

I agree with you that some people are really anti them and I don’t understand why either. My MIL is similar to yours in that she doesn’t actually do anything with my son and my parents are too elderly to help out. So he tends to go 2-3 days a week and myself and my husband cover the other days between us with the odd MIL day thrown in.

I think the learning to mix with other children is really important and he is keen to give things a go. Appreciate its harder with some children who are very resistant to going though.

Agree I wouldn’t consider working TTO due to the drop in pay and most of my friends wouldn’t but it does seem quite common on here, especially for returners to work.

@GameofCrohns it's so strange isn't it? The whole 'well it MUST be term time only' rather than using a £20 a day holiday club. It's one of the rare things where it's actually easier as a Co- parent as you just work it out between you who is taking what leave and you don't have to work out how to take any leave together.

We usually use one for a couple of days each half term/holiday unless we are booking leave. It's usually a couple of days holiday club, a day with each grandparent and then me and DH will cover the 5th day between us either either leave or Flexi.

DD is an only so I think it's such a good opportunity for her to mix with other children and she really enjoys going. I do think a mixture of holiday club and family care is best though, she would definitely not want to be there for the full week.

I'd like to know where the £20 a day holiday clubs are! Round here the cheapest is nearly double that. Like the PP mine do a few days in clubs/with friends/relatives and we take some leave. The kids enjoy the clubs but for 3 kids at around £35-40 a day each it's not a cheap option and has to be balanced.

I think people like the idea of children having some downtime instead of having their lives tightly managed. Mine are now at the age where if I give them downtime at home they will spend every waking minute on YouTube, and constant complaining when it’s rationed. They seem to go to holiday club with no problems, so it’s a win for me.

I use the one that is held at my dc school. It’s either multi sports or football. It’s £20 a day or early bird price about £14 if you book early. My son actually asks to go as he loves it so much. The guys that run it are their pe teachers as well so very familiar. My daughter on the other hand isn’t so keen so we only send her when we really need to during the summer holidays.

They aren’t learning anything? It’s the holidays! I’m a teacher (so I get I’m not your target for this post about using holiday clubs!) so off work for the holidays with my 10 year old and 3 year old, yes we like to get out and about, meet up with friends, go swimming, do a few crafts etc but we also drag the mattresses off the beds into the living room, watch back to back movies, play on their tablets, stay in PJs and eat Easter eggs. They don’t need to have structured days and be learning every day in the holidays, they need some downtime too.

I wonder if OP does an online course every time she has some holiday - can't waste any learning time relaxing now

My ASD daughter hates them, "they made me dance, mummy" with a look like they'd made her do something unspeakable. And my 6yo struggles being one of the youngest and is quite sensitive. Often these clubs are a lot of clueless teens who try their best but don't see the under the radar sniping.

I like them in principle and have tried quite a few. It's tricky not sending my eldest then trying to get my youngest to go (DD1 is fine to be home while I'm working but not dd2 and certainly not both together).

Look I'm not saying that they can't have any down time but two weeks of doing nothing is not good for you.

I have had the same thought - similarly with wraparound. You do see a lot of women looking for term time only school hours jobs, and I always think it must be very limiting.

We both get six weeks annual leave, some of which we take separately, so our kids get plenty of unstructured time at home - of the 13 week school holidays, they usually do 4 in holiday club and those are 3 day weeks because we both work 4 days a week. I wouldn't consider those 12 days a year to be such a horrifying prospect that I would limit my career to term time only to avoid it

Plus they actually enjoy holiday clubs anyway!

Well here’s the answer for most, yours is £20 a day. It’s £42 per child per day here and my kids find it boring because it’s all aimed at the 4-5 year olds. We have several sports ones around that only charge £25-30 but they also only operate 9-3 which is useless when I work 8-4. Even the expensive one doesn’t operate Fridays. So while I work full time I also struggle to pay for holiday club, my kids moan about going and I still can’t take a job with different/longer hours.

sounds like you have hurt her feelings.
they need to relax and chill on holiday surely,
be bored

Again, you have options. A women working 5 days a week with a standard amount of annual leave needs 5 days a week childcare, which is expensive. Single parents who don’t have someone to split annual leave with struggle.

I'm with you. I don't use holiday clubs any more (for one thing, round here they're more like £50 or £60 and it adds up!) but in your situation I would.

Although there is no way either my DM or DMIL would permit a whole day on tablets, not give DC lunch and certainly everyone would be dressed. Although sounds like she's coming to you? My DM/DMIL would be much less confident doing stuff out of their own environment.

Have confidence in your parenting choices. I assume they have a dad? What does he think re now and re his past summer holidays?

holiday clubs are difficult once they are 12
they are expensive

It’s certainly not bad for you.

@TeaKitten but you just budget for them. Like with anything else. Especially in this age of hybrid working. I'm a nurse so can't do much WFH but I can write my notes up at home. Plus it lets men off the hook if we do all the holiday cover.

Some people want to spend more time with their children and they want their children to relax at home or just do their own stuff at home. Some people might not be sure about their children being looked after by those they don't know, in a mix if children they don't know. Some places don't gave much availability in places that work practically. Some children don't enjoy holiday clubs.

two weeks of doing nothing is fine!

It’s nice for you that you can do some of your work at home but surely you must understand not everyone can? My work is on site permanently based like many others. Strange assumption that everyone can hybrid work. I do budget for it because I’m a single parent and have no choice, their dad let himself off the hook when he left.