Why do people not like using holiday clubs?

[Youdirtylittlehamster]

Speaking to ex-MIL. She's off with me. I don't know why. Later she comes to the point, why have I booked the DC's into holiday clubs when she could have them for free.
I don't want to tell her that it's because she doesn't do anything with them. Sometimes when I've picked them up she's let them be on their tablets all day, they haven't eaten any proper meals (once, just Hariono and crisps) they haven't washed or got changed, they aren't learning anything.
The reason I don't want to tell her is because I don't think she feels that any of this is important.
We fundamentally don't see eye to eye about this topic. She feels school holidays are for doing whatever the children want, with no limits or demands of them. She never worked when her children are school so doesn't get why I have to work them, and why I don't just tell my boss that I'm taking every school holiday off as 'I have children so surely they must understand'.

I like holiday clubs. I like the variety of the things they do. I like that they come home with stories and make new friends. My DD has EBSA at times, and it is much better to keep the routine of getting up in the week, getting dressed, having that separation from me. They do things there that I'm not good at like sports and baking. They meet kids from other schools and walks of life. Yes it is expensive but can be spread over a few months or budgeted for. If you are on UC then you can claim it back.

The amount of mums on single parent FB groups who limit their careers by only looking for term time jobs. Surely if you choose a job which pays 30k rather than 18K pro rata but you have to work some school holidays then you still end up better off?
I wonder if part of it is how they were brought up. I always went to holiday clubs, as my mum worked, so I don't think badly of them. The way some of my friends talk it's like I'm sending them down the pit!

Some kids just don’t like them. I have a few colleagues who use them but come in stressed after dropping them off because the kids just don’t want to go.

Mine went occasionally but are ND and really didn’t enjoy them, they struggled to connect with kids they’d only just met.

I used to love spending time with them as they were growing up, I never understood the complaints and ‘when are they going back to school?’ because we would start each holiday making a to do list together and ticking things off. I hated them going back and the mundanity of work / school routine again.

You do you. It doesn’t suit everyone.

I work full-time, and use holiday clubs a bit during each school holiday.

My DC absolutely loves them as they are a stereotypical child of the gender, as well as being outgoing and able to make friends easily. Gets upset if I say they're not going (if I've got other plans for them).

My other DC has additional needs, and there are no holiday clubs available to them as they'd need a one-to-one. I ended up having to get a full-time permanent Nanny, as I only get 25 days annual leave per year.

I’m beginning to see your MIL’s point!

In the holidays kids like everyone else need time to properly relax. Having some time with nothing planned is very good indeed for kids- they learn how to make their own entertainment, get into reading, help with some boring jobs and just chill. Of course good holiday clubs have a place but in my time off from work there is no way I would choose enforced fun with a load of strangers for more than a couple of days, so I wouldn’t expect my kids to.

When I was off school and spent time with my grandparents they very rarely “did” stuff with me, I just fitted in with their life, and I loved it- I got chance to chill out, lie in, did some gardening, went to the shops, walked the dog, did some DIY (I learned how to wire a plug and decorate), drew, read etc. And yes I did watch plenty of TV! Plus I got to know my grandparents super well.

I agree that they shouldn’t be on their tablets all day and of course need some proper food but there’s a happy medium here. If she raised your DH she can’t be that incompetent surely?

DD is an only and loves clubs, but she also has those lazy days with grandparents. And I take all my leave in holidays. So it is a hood mix. We have also 3 holiday hlubs she enjoys, 1 is a defo favorite so no.issues going in, also meets the same friends from previous years too

It depends on the child and your situation. Personally I’d love to work term time but it’s not an option in my job and I’m lucky that my kids love to do some weeks of holiday clubs and then go to a childminder and then I work from home more so they get to chill out playing with their friends at home. So we get a good combination and we go away for a weekend a lot.

in your situation I wouldn’t leave them with someone who didn’t get them dressed or give them food or take them off their screens. My kids are really active and would be a nightmare to deal with after a few days like that.

I agree with this. It’s become very fashionable recently to extol the virtues of “unstructured downtime” as if it were some life improving Zen when actually most of it is kids dicking about on their phones.

I’d far rather my kid was in a club doing something valuable than watching YouTube at home.

I think quite a lot of the suspicion directed at holiday clubs is basically disapproval of working mothers with a figleaf of “concern” for “the children”. I have used clubs for most of the last decade and I have found them overwhelmingly positive. I really fail to understand why letting kids spend two weeks doing nothing is superior to this.

Op I get you like them but you are coming across like you are trying to convince yourself

My child didn't want to do them so didn't now old enough to their own thing, like a million others they are used if it works for whoever

I get you op.

A mix is good, but my DS gets bored after 3 days with grandparents. Apart from an occasional trip to the swings, it’s tv and junk food all day.

We use holiday clubs but only for a few days here and there and they do enjoy them. The rest is a mix of annual leave and the odd grandma day. We definitely have some quiet days at home. Yesterday they did the food shop with me and we wandered to the park for a bit. Some ipad and lazing around in between.
Holiday clubs here are £35 for 10-4. You can pay an additional £8 per day to extend to 9-5. With two kids it soon adds up!

I can see why you wouldn't want your children to go to MIL. Getting them dressed and feeding them is the bare minimum! Lazy days are good but not screens all day every day.

We have no choice but to use holiday clubs sometimes but only if we absolutely have to, because DC is autistic and struggles with them

Omg it’s you again.

You do realise that most parents don’t have 4 million weeks of annual leave to take right?

I think downtime is important too. Could you let MIL have the kids half the time then holiday clubs the other half, perhaps?

I've always avoided it because I've felt that school (plus wraparound care in our case) was a lot of structure for small people and a break in the holidays is very much welcome. I think it's good for them to get a bit of downtime and own their own time. That said I wouldn't be happy with your MIL for more than a week so if I was heavily reliant on her I'd split it up with clubs too.

I'm with you op. As kids, my mum worked and we always had a few days at half term/week or fortnight in summer at holiday club.

My kids do the same. They love it - they ask to go! We've found our favourites after a few misses.

I feel a mix of clubs and family time is good. I wouldn't want my kids going to anyone who didn't feed them actual meals though. Everything else you mentioned is fine for a day or so. Could you send them to mil with packed lunches a suggest a visit to the park if they haven't headed outside after a few days?

Children do actually need to be bored sometimes. Plus most holiday clubs here are the sports 9-3pm or practically a preschool where older kids get bugger all they like and it’s all aimed at the lowest years.

Holiday clubs were great for my only child as he could be amongst other children. BUT, as he got older the provision dwindled and the timings were rubbish. Plus, I enjoy the time with him. That said, I can totally see why you don’t want them with the MIL.

Surely the answer is some MIL, some clubs?

As for me:

• absolutely no correlation between cost and quality, prices from £25-65/day.
• iffy levels of supervision/interest from organisers
• not enough downtime after a busy term

This week DD (6) is partly at home with me/dad, and then coming to work with me on a few occasions. She can read a book or eat a snack and, yes, be bored and find some way to occupy herself. We’ll do more interesting things on my non-working days. If I didn’t have the choice to bring her I think my first choice would be childcare swaps with a friend (no family near), then a club.

DT’s went to holiday clubs for years - not everyone has grandparents in the UK to look after them. Their holiday clubs were run by the school - different clubs for sports, music, theatre, science. DT’s loved the sports ones.

I'm not saying that everyone should do what we do. I'm saying that it's odd that women will choose for example low paid school office work (vastly underpaid for the skills involved) just to not work school holidays. Yes they can be expensive but not so much that choosing a 18k a year job over a 30k one makes financial sense.

And yet again it's always women putting the blame on other women. I don't say that everyone should work full time or put their kids in 8-6 holiday clubs for six weeks straight, but I get the 'poor kids' and 'oh I could never do that' comments. They're fine. It's 4 days of holiday club, not a gulag.

They are hugely popular round here too, my kids used to do a drama one even though I didn't need it for childcare and it was cheap - £125 for the week which is £25 a day. Most parents I know cover the holidays with a mixture of taking their own holiday, summer clubs and friends/family.

DD is a student teacher and is hoping to get work in a summer club this year so will see it from the other side too.

I think it's a balance, having a week of chilling out won't hurt. Also remember not all kids cope with holiday clubs, too chaotic, my dd struggled in them but I wasn't a single parent so I went to work at 6am then h went in when I got home at lunchtime.

They are super expensive if you have multiple children so I would avoid where possible. It would cost me about 120 a day plus additional charges for early drop / late collection. I earn a good salary circa 40k but by the time it’s taxed etc I’d be working a full day for about £30 which is not great!!

I’ve just realised you said “ex-MIL” in your OP. If she’s your ex-MIL (ie you’ve split up for her son) and you clearly don’t agree with what she’s doing then why do you even need to be in touch with her? It would be different if she was helping you and you were grateful to her for looking after the kids, obviously you’d speak to her then. But if you don’t want her to look after them, and you put them in holiday clubs, why do you need to speak to her about that at all? Does your ex-DH (her son) have/see the kids?

I think people can work that out for themselves