Why do people not like using holiday clubs?

[Youdirtylittlehamster]

Speaking to ex-MIL. She's off with me. I don't know why. Later she comes to the point, why have I booked the DC's into holiday clubs when she could have them for free.
I don't want to tell her that it's because she doesn't do anything with them. Sometimes when I've picked them up she's let them be on their tablets all day, they haven't eaten any proper meals (once, just Hariono and crisps) they haven't washed or got changed, they aren't learning anything.
The reason I don't want to tell her is because I don't think she feels that any of this is important.
We fundamentally don't see eye to eye about this topic. She feels school holidays are for doing whatever the children want, with no limits or demands of them. She never worked when her children are school so doesn't get why I have to work them, and why I don't just tell my boss that I'm taking every school holiday off as 'I have children so surely they must understand'.

I like holiday clubs. I like the variety of the things they do. I like that they come home with stories and make new friends. My DD has EBSA at times, and it is much better to keep the routine of getting up in the week, getting dressed, having that separation from me. They do things there that I'm not good at like sports and baking. They meet kids from other schools and walks of life. Yes it is expensive but can be spread over a few months or budgeted for. If you are on UC then you can claim it back.

The amount of mums on single parent FB groups who limit their careers by only looking for term time jobs. Surely if you choose a job which pays 30k rather than 18K pro rata but you have to work some school holidays then you still end up better off?
I wonder if part of it is how they were brought up. I always went to holiday clubs, as my mum worked, so I don't think badly of them. The way some of my friends talk it's like I'm sending them down the pit!

I’m not seeing this OP some of you are appalled by, I must admit.

We both work full time, the summer holidays DS will go to PIL for 5 days mon-fri he loves it they live rurally have chickens, a horse, dogs he can walk, they also take him out and DHs aunt lives round the corner and was a primary school teacher and nearly 40 years, so she's always keen to do things/projects with him, DM will have him at ours 1/2 days some of the other weeks she ran a nursery for twenty years and DS calls her the making granny and starts rifling through the recycling when she's coming!
They also spend a lot of time at the beach and out and about.

We also get fairly generous leave so will take two weeks off and both work consolidated hours so every Monday and Friday one of us is off. I have no objection to holiday clubs but I don't think we'll need one. When we suggested it to grandparents they were adamant they wanted to spend time with him.

I think I'll book a Flexi pass and he'll do the odd day maybe 4/5 over the six weeks holiday.

i thought this was going to be about kids' clubs when you go on holiday. We don't use them because I go away to spend time with DH and DS

You've kind of contradicted yourself here as you appear to be targeting single parents who, for many of us there in no suitable man to let off the hook

I did not use holiday clubs because I never needed to, couldn’t have afforded it at the time I would have needed it anyway and my kids would not have liked going. I don’t care what other parents do, that’s up to them and I presume everyone is doing their best with what they have.

It depends what you mean by nothing? Two weeks of playing with toys at home, going to local park/playground and chilling out can be fine. A bit of club mixed in with that is good (as long as they actually enjoy it!)

The one at our school is £55 a day! Fine for an only but I don’t see how anyone could afford that for multiple kids.

I'm with you op.

I sent mine to clubs when I didn't need it as childcare. It was good for them.

FWIW I hated them as a kid. There are some great options now, but I hated all the sporty ones and having to mix with people you don’t know and have all that fresh anxiety for people you’re never going to see again. As a massive introvert I needed time away from school. As long as they are socialising and mixing with others they don’t need to be ‘learning’ in a structured way. In your situation though your MIL sounds awful if she doesn’t even feed them properly so I get it.

Dc3 often goes to the holiday club in our local leisure centre. Elder dc used to go between ages 5-10 too.

It's nothing like school at all. It's a multi sports camp, 9-3.30, and it costs £14. They do football, tag rugby, netball, tennis, rounders, badminton, they put up the bouncy castle they use for kids parties, do random team games and also have a colouring/art area.

Dc3 loves it. He often goes 2 or 3 times a week in holidays and I feel very thankful we have such a brilliant provision for such a reasonable price, it suits him down to the ground.

I know plenty of holiday club snobs though. Lots of parents in ds3's class who refuse to take them to the local leisure centre one and instead choose to pay £30-£40 a day for a private holiday club with X theme, football, rugby or whatever.

We dabbled with various pricey holiday clubs before I realised our one existed and ime they were no better that the cheap one (in fact probably worse as far more specific/less varied).

We use a club at a similar price point - I book ahead when they do 15% early bird discount, and also get 20% off as tax free childcare and a 5% sibling discount so it doesn't cost as much as you think. About £60/day for my two children.

It's not actually that much more than we pay for wraparound to be honest and that's already in our budget.

My daughter hasn't enjoyed going since she was about 7-8. Plus the ones round here finish at 3.30.

I'm not appalled, I just think she's being disingenuous.

It's really not that hard to understand why other people would rather not use holiday clubs. All the faux "I just don't get it" is just silly.

I went to holiday clubs as a child and hated them so they feel like a necessary evil to me. Along with the cost, the fact I want to spend as much time with my DC as possible, and that I am not very interested in my job, all put me off.

Having down time was good pre TV and particularly pre internet but now it's to easy to use screens and children finding it harder to be constructive as so used to screens. Unless your mil can restrict screen time she is not a good option. An odd half day probably ok though

Today's wages won't always cover quality holiday clubs so can't assume they always are affordable.

I've recently been made redundant so we're not using holiday clubs this time round, but the local one to us is pretty good with activities and sports every day. My dc (10 & 7) enjoy it, but I'm burning through savings quite quickly until I start my new job so we will do stuff at home instead. Over the summer hols, when my finances are back in track and I'm working, I'll book them into something 3 days a week so they aren't kicking about bored all summer, but also have down time.

I do feel that unstructured play is a very important element in a child's life. I'm the type of mum who will give dc chores if they come to me saying they feel bored.

I read it as her saying that in her particular situation holiday clubs are best. I also do think sometimes you have to take the long view with things like that and unfortunately poverty is one of the biggest markers and causes of misery, ill health and social isolation. Before anyone jumps at me I am not suggesting that not sending your child to holiday clubs is dooming them to a life of poverty but I do think some pragmatism and ensuring your own career is safe is ultimately more practical and sensible than letting children have time to chill.

It's not all or nothing though surely. I've found as my DC have grown and changed holiday clubs have been suitable for a time but not as many years as I thought they would be. From 10 years old they've refused to go, and it was only from 7 they liked the idea of trying it, so it's not really been an option for very long. We have tended to split annual leave between us instead, so each parent does a couple of days and then maybe one day with a relative or holiday club. My DC have enjoyed a few that they asked to go to for specific things like drama, football, ice skating etc.

Having down time was good pre TV
Pre-TV?! Do you mean like the 1940s? Even as a 90s kid we had Sky, round the clock kids TV and we watched a shit ton of it in the holidays!

Do your children like going to MIL or do they prefer holiday club? I would just explain to her that they enjoy all the activities and being with other kids and that's why they choose to go there. Maybe have one or two days in the holidays that they go to MIL and suggest a couple of activities she could take them to?

TV has been around for decades - even thirty years ago there was SKY etc.

Because not everyone’s children or circumstances are the same as yours? My kids would hate the local holiday clubs around us - to sport focused. Both have ASD and definitely need time to relax.

I spent summer holidays watching cricket on TV with my Nan and still managed to get a degree and a post grad qualification. All I learnt about was Ian Botham!

In your circumstances, I would absolutely use holiday clubs - you have a MIL that doesn't appear to want to do anything to engage them and also is not aware of the negatives around endless exposure to screens without supervision and also does not feed them particularly well. You also have a child that likes clubs.

My DC also both like holiday clubs so we use them for longer holidays. Unstructured downtime only goes so far in our house, especially when the weather is awful and I would prefer to pay for them to be in a club. I can continue working and my leave be used to go away somewhere. But you don't seem to be acknowledging the privilege we have to make that choice. I earn far more than the cost of clubs for both my DC because I am in a highly skilled role. This does not apply for all so ofc lower paid workers will prefer to work term time. As PPs have pointed out, holiday clubs often do not cover working hours - I have a flexible role where I can spread my usual 4 days hours across 5 and then use a club. Without this, clubs would not be an option

There are also a number of children who are not keen on holiday clubs or choice is limited in their area. We live in a densely populated area with a wide range of clubs, DC have friends with working parents who all use them too so we co-ordinate and send them together and it makes the time much more enjoyable.

I think it's nice for children to chill sometimes. However it depends on your circumstances surely. MIL maybe a day or two and club another day .

I am 100% in agreement OP. My dd and her friends have variously learned all sorts of skills - drama productions, SUP and kayaking, climbing, survival skills, netball, Lego and engineering, coding, baking, as well as the generic fun clubs. We often organised for her to go with a friend or two, and they had a blast.

This idea that they will “ learn how to make their own entertainment, get into reading, help with some boring jobs and just chill” is from the 80s.

Kids today where I live expect more organised entertainment - they don’t just head out on their bikes for the day or play out with friends (not safe enough, and most friends are at holiday clubs cos parents work!). There is non-stop availability of TV/streaming/gaming: they will just whinge and moan if you encourage them to read. And the idea they will do “boring jobs” is also unrealistic, unless you supervise and pay them.