Why do people not like using holiday clubs?

[Youdirtylittlehamster]

Speaking to ex-MIL. She's off with me. I don't know why. Later she comes to the point, why have I booked the DC's into holiday clubs when she could have them for free.
I don't want to tell her that it's because she doesn't do anything with them. Sometimes when I've picked them up she's let them be on their tablets all day, they haven't eaten any proper meals (once, just Hariono and crisps) they haven't washed or got changed, they aren't learning anything.
The reason I don't want to tell her is because I don't think she feels that any of this is important.
We fundamentally don't see eye to eye about this topic. She feels school holidays are for doing whatever the children want, with no limits or demands of them. She never worked when her children are school so doesn't get why I have to work them, and why I don't just tell my boss that I'm taking every school holiday off as 'I have children so surely they must understand'.

I like holiday clubs. I like the variety of the things they do. I like that they come home with stories and make new friends. My DD has EBSA at times, and it is much better to keep the routine of getting up in the week, getting dressed, having that separation from me. They do things there that I'm not good at like sports and baking. They meet kids from other schools and walks of life. Yes it is expensive but can be spread over a few months or budgeted for. If you are on UC then you can claim it back.

The amount of mums on single parent FB groups who limit their careers by only looking for term time jobs. Surely if you choose a job which pays 30k rather than 18K pro rata but you have to work some school holidays then you still end up better off?
I wonder if part of it is how they were brought up. I always went to holiday clubs, as my mum worked, so I don't think badly of them. The way some of my friends talk it's like I'm sending them down the pit!

Holiday clubs can be a bit warehouse like, but if you search there are really amazing offerings. I used to sign dd up for weeks doing things that she wouldn’t have been able to do with just me. She had opportunities to spend the week with children who shared her niche interests. They were particularly wonderful for finding other children with similar ASD traits because they tend to be the ones near who sign up for a week of biology experiments that include dissections or spend a week building rockets.

@threatmatrix I don't get UC.

I used holiday clubs a little but they weren’t that great to be honest and my kids were not keen on them. When at home we would go out on day trips at least twice a week, sometimes more. To museums, the beach, theme parks, the cinema, a picnic or visit friends and family.

On the other days they just chilled. When really young we might bake or watch a movie together, paint, play in the paddling pool, etc. It was bloody exhausting but they had a great time and it seemed to be good for them.

As they got older they spent a lot more time on screens. The year they were 10 that was all they wanted to do on the days at home, which worried me a bit but one DC taught herself Python and learnt Latin and the other won a writing competition - completely off their own bats. I checked what they were doing on line as I always did and responded to requests for assistance but didn’t find the resources for them or suggest they did it or anything. It’s been similar every year since. Mooching and screen time are not terrible things.

Teacher here and I love having the holidays with my kids. We do a combination of outings, crafts and also pj days with filmsand console. They need time with me as they rarely get quality time during the week due to after school club, breakfast club and school. I'm not against holidays clubs but I understand why parents would choose term time only jobs. The holidays with my children are where lots of the memories are made. I long hours during term time so ensure I make up for that during the hols.

My children always went for 2 or 3 weeks out of the 6 week holidays even though I’d got childcare from parents on offer. Usually sports at leisure centre 9-3pm - mixed sport/football/tennis and was very well organised. They thought it was great and so did I, it gave my parents a break too.

You DMIL sounds fabulous to me. Anyone who steps up to take their DGCs in the hols and safely off my hands is gold I think. Those clubs cost loads nowadays. Also, imho..too much structure for the DC in the school hols isnt a smart move - a bit too Tiger Mum I always feel? But, maybe once or twice a week..but I would kindly suggest none educational, more fun stuff?

I found that teenage resentment and resistence built up in mine if i didnt build in a bit of free-of-me time. So I sanctioned "Mad Granny" leeway into their hols. Worked a treat. You are Top Parent Type for reaching out btw. Good luck!

You’re doing the best you can OP and in your case, I think you’re making a good choice if it’s worth anything.

Big BUT…. you sound like you’re trying to convince us of your choices, rather than actually being confident in them. You should be! Don’t come to us with what those women do because it’s simply none of our business.

I stopped working 4 months ago. I am typically a very strict pro-structure mum who insists on at least an hour after school every day doing reading/homework/Mandarin/math (8,4). On the weekends it’s 2 hours daily and this half-term we are…..sitting in our PJs. None of us mums have anything to be ashamed of and nothing to defend; we’re just living life as we see fit.

Didn’t say you did, but you mentioned those that are.

For me it’s the cost and willingness of my children to attend.
They attend school under duress so actually persuading them to attend crossbar coaching or sports camps or artist club is next to impossible.
My oldest is autistic and hates changes in routine, dislikes being forced to do something he doesn’t enjoy and generally is antisocial so struggles in “holiday club” situations. Of all the holiday clubs we have tried, (which there have been over 50 in 9 years) he actually only enjoyed 1, the Farm. And that’s a 30 min drive away, costs £75 per day (10-3pm) and doesn’t cover “essential hours” for most workers and would cost double that now when we have 2 children to put into the classes.
My little one would enjoy them if he was going on his own but because his big bother is his hero, he emulates his brother and says he doesn’t like being there.
The costs are beyond stupid and when I work for myself and we have grandparents close by, why would I pay close to £1,500 (which actually is average where we live) an entire month and a half’s wages for me?
It’s far better to teach my kids to put away washing, help clean out the guinea pigs, learn to bake cakes, see how budgeting is done and be bored stupid for a few hours a day. Boredom inspires creativity and we have no limit on screen time during the holidays, because it’s how my oldest re-regulates himself. My kids enjoy short bursts of “helping” me between watching shows, playing Xbox games, colouring, making crafty bits, waking to the park (for my 9 year old) with friends, going shopping with me or visiting soft play, going to cafes and this holiday we visited SIL and been on boat rides, train rides and they’ve both learned how to make a hot water bottle.
To me, I can have almost a week off work and there’s no children going to be crying at the end of the day. Worth it to me.

Just too many variables here! Most people including children need a bit of unstructured down one.

Some children are introverts like some adults and so will need more quiet time at home. Some are extroverts and thrive on company. Many are a mix.

Also depends on the parent’s job.

I use holiday clubs a bit but also take pretty much all my AL in the school hols. Occasionally the kids do go to my parents but they don’t live nearby - when they’re there they chill a bit but it’s also a lot of country walks and the like, which they enjoy as we live in a city.

Goodness I care for 3 of my DGS all the time (5,6 and 13) and we do crafts, baking, soft play, different parks, the beach, museums (fun ones) library etc etc they do have some tablet/screen time while I prep meals or have a feet up moment. As for cooking yes sometimes they have easy food but thats mixed with loads of fruit and veg and the 13 year old loves cooking, so he often helps to prepare lunch or dinner with me.
But really what is the point of offering to care for grandchildren if you cant be bothered/are not able to entertain them! I try to look after them as much as I can in the same manner I did as a parent.

Small wonder we have such stressed kids, when there is such a drive to fill their every day with led activity. They often do not get a chance to be creative and imaginative.
I agree that allowing them in front of their tech all day is not an alternative, but allowing them down time in the holidays is vital to their mental health and grandparents could do some of the old fashioned things like playing ball/chess/board games and gardening/walking/reading at a nice slow pace.
Possibly allow them one day a holiday week and set a menu plan?

Yes, sending a lunch and not sending the iPad would solve a lot of the issues here

Totally agree, some of my friends/colleagues just can’t understand why I pay for holiday clubs for my daughter when I can work from home (I do take ALL of my holiday allowance off in the hols to spend with her but I get a lot less than schools get). They just don’t get that I would not actually be able to do anything with her and if she had her way she would just spend all day on her iPad or watching TV which is definitely it good for them. She gets plenty of time to relax in the evenings.

Totally agree, some of my friends/colleagues just can’t understand why I pay for holiday clubs for my daughter when I can work from home (I do take ALL of my holiday allowance off in the hols to spend with her but I get a lot less than schools get). They just don’t get that I would not actually be able to do anything with her and if she had her way she would just spend all day on her iPad or watching TV which is definitely it good for them. She gets plenty of time to relax in the evenings.

What do you do? There is no one in my work who would consider anyone can work with their child around.
The odd day when they're ill maybe, otherwise it's very much not done.
This was acknowledged during lockdown when the boss recognised that some of us were simply unable to be as productive.

My kids hate them, they focus on sport, it’s not their thing. We can manage without them.

if you have disabled children there are no holiday clubs. How can one use something that doesn't exist??

Unless things have changed in the last few years I found there were different ones available.
I think most involve some sport/outside games to ensure they get exercise, but that's not the focus of the day.

I understand how difficult that must be, but it's not what OP was asking about.
The provision for holiday childcare for disabled children is a separate issue.

The OP asked about 'holiday clubs'. Shows your narrow mindset that you do consider clubs for disabled children 'separate' issue for kids with SN. That's the problem, children with disabilities are always othered and never considered to be part of the picture.

You said yourself there were no holiday clubs for disabled children. Therefore OP cannot be asking about clubs for disabled children.
That is not me being narrow minded, it is the reality you presented.

you clearly dont get it. Why do you get so wound up when parents of disabled children add perspective. Oh, forgot, that's not what the OP asked. So parents of kids with SEN must not respond!

I didn't get wound up, I simply said that the OP was not asking about holiday clubs for disabled children since (as you say yourself) there are none.
I didn't say you shouldn't respond, only that your response was not relevant to what the OP asked.

I say the same on other threads where a response is not relevant to what the OP asked. I find it upsetting that you have concluded that I am suggesting parents with SEN must not respond.

Thank you for policing threads where SEN parent/carers dare to make contributions even though the issue has been raised directly in the OP. do you also police other threads where the conversation digresses?

Me stating the OP was not asking about HCs for disabled children is NOT policing threads, and yes, I said I do say the same on other threads.