Why do people not like using holiday clubs?

[Youdirtylittlehamster]

Speaking to ex-MIL. She's off with me. I don't know why. Later she comes to the point, why have I booked the DC's into holiday clubs when she could have them for free.
I don't want to tell her that it's because she doesn't do anything with them. Sometimes when I've picked them up she's let them be on their tablets all day, they haven't eaten any proper meals (once, just Hariono and crisps) they haven't washed or got changed, they aren't learning anything.
The reason I don't want to tell her is because I don't think she feels that any of this is important.
We fundamentally don't see eye to eye about this topic. She feels school holidays are for doing whatever the children want, with no limits or demands of them. She never worked when her children are school so doesn't get why I have to work them, and why I don't just tell my boss that I'm taking every school holiday off as 'I have children so surely they must understand'.

I like holiday clubs. I like the variety of the things they do. I like that they come home with stories and make new friends. My DD has EBSA at times, and it is much better to keep the routine of getting up in the week, getting dressed, having that separation from me. They do things there that I'm not good at like sports and baking. They meet kids from other schools and walks of life. Yes it is expensive but can be spread over a few months or budgeted for. If you are on UC then you can claim it back.

The amount of mums on single parent FB groups who limit their careers by only looking for term time jobs. Surely if you choose a job which pays 30k rather than 18K pro rata but you have to work some school holidays then you still end up better off?
I wonder if part of it is how they were brought up. I always went to holiday clubs, as my mum worked, so I don't think badly of them. The way some of my friends talk it's like I'm sending them down the pit!

Op it's unfortunate that your mil is not respectful of at the very least your food choices.

Seeing as you have nothing to loose eg you are already using camps /clubs, why not say to her something like, " if you had them would it be possible to keep them on a steady diet? I don't mind the odd sweets etc but just not all the time? Would you also be able to take them out even if to local park?.. If she says no, you've lost nothing and she's gained absolutely nothing.

However, she may be open and receptive and say fine? Then you gain money and the dc and her gain better quality chill time all around?

Still use clubs as and when but surley it would take the pressure off.
To be honest I would just be honest and say I'd love too mil but here is what is stopping me etc.

Unfortunately with my own mil, totally different situation, she just did nt respect a single thing dh and I asked on anything re dc.
So it was impossible in the end to let her and we lost trust.

I find your view odd. Yes holiday clubs are good, tiring and energetic. But what about a balance? Spending 2 days at holiday club, then say 2 days slobbing about with grandma is fine. Why do they need to learn anything? Just being with her is enough.

We use a mix of holiday clubs and Granny - but Granny is fab and does days out / swimming / beach trips / crafts / baking / gardening etc etc

DD is an only child so time with other children is important so I think she benefits from some holiday club. Definitely wouldn’t want to send her full time though. But appreciate I’m lucky to have the choice.

When she’s old enough not to bother me too much I plan to let her choose between holiday club or staying at home some days (I WFH) but it will need to be on the condition she’s not on iPad all the time!

I'm lucky DD is an amenable sort and just gets stuck in but I don't particularly enjoy dropping her off at a random schools sports hall where she doesn't know anyone and paying £32 a day.

She's in 3 days next week so 3 days out of a 2+ week holiday isn't too bad, whereas in the summer holiday it's 4+ weeks worth of holiday club, it's not ideal for either of us.

Again, disingenuous. You have your MIL who can have them, and also can hybrid work. You can’t claim ‘I have no other choice’ when your thread is literally about your MIL being upset you won’t let her have them. You are the one with the privileged position here.

Some of them are really poor. Run by half arsed teens who just want loud, enthusiastic kids. Introverted kids can't cope with them.

My dc's finally settled at the expensive tennis holiday club that let them have TV downtime during their lunch break. Even then it was often less stressful to take unpaid leave in the holidays than pay a holiday club.

I’m not keen on them. Where we live they tend to be run by very young ‘coaches’ of some kind. Dd likes sports and is fairly outgoing usually but she doesn’t like all the noise and chaos from such a clash of different age groups. I don’t see the harm in them relaxing at home eating Easter eggs 🤣

It's not necessarily the ability to do nothing during the holidays (play on a tablet, stay in your PJ's etc) it's the fact that kids can have a choice in what they do - curl up with a book, draw for hours, play Lego all day, etc, that I think is important.
The problem with holiday clubs is that they have no free time - every minute of the day is managed for them. Like at school. When do they have a chance to be their own person?
I was able to be a sahm. I loved the holidays. No we didn't do something every day. And yes sometimes they stayed in their pjs all day. They went back to school keen to start the new term fresh and relaxed.

Given the choice, my daughter would much rather be at holiday club than at home or with relatives all the time. She doesn’t mind a few days at home but she likes having loads of kids to play with. The one she goes to offers a few activities but the kids can choose whether they do them or spend the whole day just playing. It’s not structured in the same way school is.

It's just Mumsnet, OP. If you'd started this thread saying that you were totally fine with your kids sitting in PJs eating Haribo and watching screens all day with your MIL, you'd have had your arse handed to you and probably people saying that you should have SS called for neglectful parenting.

Some of us do not have the luxury of having family members to help out with childcare. I'm a single mother and child's dad is a waste of space. I work 4 days a week so child has to go to breakfast club and/or after school club. During school holidays child does not want to go to the holiday club and I feel guilty but can't have 13 weeks leave from work to cover school holidays. I think the clubs are good for them as they see people from school and make friends as well as lots of different activities to keep them entertained. Saying that, I was made to go to holidays clubs as a kid and I really really hated them

No, it’s a brag that you’re an exhausted, full time working single mum that can simply ‘budget’ for childcare clubs compared to those Facebook single mums (who are also exhausted I’m sure) that can’t afford it and therefore have to work part time.

But your thread is quite literally about how you do have another option and choose not to use it 😬

The problem with holiday clubs is that they have no free time - every minute of the day is managed for them. Like at school.

The ones we use are nothing like school or without free time.

Most of the ones I see around us include unstructured time in the day to chill out.

We have zero family childcare options so when my DC starts school I’ll have no option other than to use clubs of some form as it would be impossible to have enough time off work to not need them.

Having said that as older parents we plan to retire about half way through our DCs time at school so won’t be an issue for the full 14 years.

Aren't we all just pretending that the things we have to do are in our children's best interests though? Is that really what we are all trying to do. So sacrificing our careers so our kids can watch Bluey or pushing them into holiday clubs they hate and could be neglected, that's really what we're discussing? None of us really having much insight into the other side and not really wanting to understand it incase we feel it's better? Isn't that really what we're doing here?

I don't think people that look for term time jobs have anything against holiday clubs, they just want to spend some time with their children. Teacher here and the time I spend with my kids in the holidays is my favourite time of the year. Also my kids and most kids in schools are exhausted at the end of term and need a break.

I didn't because my kids hated it and there was no need as I was freelance at that point.

Ok you’re on a windup. Bc earlier you were talking about ‘choosing’ your work to enable you to pay for your clubs. But now it’s not about choice? Or is that only when it applies to your contradictions?

It sounds like it is a bit generational thing OP. Working is more of a necessity for families now. When i was a kid, a lot of mothers worked for the nice car/holidays and often in the evenings. Obviously not all of them, but it was noticeable for me growing up. Now both parents need FT careers to get by, so holiday clubs are essential.

I used to use them a lot for eldest son, but my youngest has ASD (severe) and there are literally no holiday clubs or wraparound care that will take him as he needs a 1 to 1. i have had to move my working hours and we are screwed now in the holidays. The council run SEN holiday club told me they might be able to provide a couple of days a year (if I'm LUCKY 🙄) and it's only part of a day, so useless to us. I've had to ask family to help out, which isn't a long term solution. I will likely be forced into a term time contract on shit pay, so for those who scoff at parents working term time only please bear in mind this is not always a choice. Anyone with a SEN child will tell you it's the same for them. They expect the parents to not work and live on benefits as thats what parents of disabled children do apparently.

I will probably use a holiday club in the summer holidays for my eldest as he will just lie around gaming all day, but he is of an age where he can play out or around friends houses, so it isnt essential. Two kids is also too much for my parents to cope with. My eldest doesn't like holiday clubs, but I will force him to go even though there is someone at home so he is occupied. I don't see a problem with it, but I was pretty much a latch key kid when I was a child as my single mum worked serious hours. I would have loved to do more clubs.

There is definitely no way my children would be going to people who fed them sweets and crisps and let them go on tablets all day. No way.

That isn’t good for anyone, adult or child.

For me, I want to spend the holidays with DC. I’m more than happy to take the salary hit for days in the paddling pool, park, forest, etc. Those days are priceless.

Where I live, holiday clubs don’t run past 3pm; most are 9-2.30, which is pretty useless. They also don’t run at Christmas, the last two weeks of the summer, or Fridays. One of the private schools runs a full-day club but it’s 15 miles in the opposite direction of where I work. It’s also £100 a day for 2 kids, so you can easily spend £4000 a year on it, which isn’t loads less than the gap in take home pay between £18k and 30k.

Have the children actually got anything to "do" at their granny's place?
They are probably on the tablets all day because all their toys and books etc are at home.
My girl would have hated holiday clubs ("it's just more school" is the type of thing she would have said). If I had been sending her to Granny's for the day I would have sent her with toys, crafts, comics, books - some new ones as a suprise.
You say your children like the clubs - then that's fine. Keep sending them. Your money, your choice.

OP could send food for the children though, like a packed lunch like she would do at holiday club. If she was actually a poor struggling single mum with no options like she claimed when she contradicted herself she’d just send a packed lunch to her free childcare.

I think the point is that it's not proper chilling out in the true sense of the word.

They still have to get up early and go to holiday club. They have to be dressed presentably and can't just do their own thing without having to consider what all the other children are doing.

It could be too noisy to do what they want, or other children might already be doing that activity etc.

I went to a holiday club with "unstructured play" but it was still holiday club and nothing like being at home in my own space with my own things.