Why do people not like using holiday clubs?

[Youdirtylittlehamster]

Speaking to ex-MIL. She's off with me. I don't know why. Later she comes to the point, why have I booked the DC's into holiday clubs when she could have them for free.
I don't want to tell her that it's because she doesn't do anything with them. Sometimes when I've picked them up she's let them be on their tablets all day, they haven't eaten any proper meals (once, just Hariono and crisps) they haven't washed or got changed, they aren't learning anything.
The reason I don't want to tell her is because I don't think she feels that any of this is important.
We fundamentally don't see eye to eye about this topic. She feels school holidays are for doing whatever the children want, with no limits or demands of them. She never worked when her children are school so doesn't get why I have to work them, and why I don't just tell my boss that I'm taking every school holiday off as 'I have children so surely they must understand'.

I like holiday clubs. I like the variety of the things they do. I like that they come home with stories and make new friends. My DD has EBSA at times, and it is much better to keep the routine of getting up in the week, getting dressed, having that separation from me. They do things there that I'm not good at like sports and baking. They meet kids from other schools and walks of life. Yes it is expensive but can be spread over a few months or budgeted for. If you are on UC then you can claim it back.

The amount of mums on single parent FB groups who limit their careers by only looking for term time jobs. Surely if you choose a job which pays 30k rather than 18K pro rata but you have to work some school holidays then you still end up better off?
I wonder if part of it is how they were brought up. I always went to holiday clubs, as my mum worked, so I don't think badly of them. The way some of my friends talk it's like I'm sending them down the pit!

@Youdirtylittlehamster

Yes I know, we certainly were not privalged.
. I think as a society we need to be more conscious of what we actually want and what we want for our dc.

I feel by money pressures and how hard it's become to buy another house and so on that we are sleep walking into a new reality.

Years and years ago my American friend Did what we do now and it wasn't the norm here eg baby in a work creche type setting from 3 months, very few holidays, constant after school care and all summer camps for their only child.

They both actually make a lot of money, they certainly didn't need two wages constantly.

But at the time she said " it's what everyone else does here".

That's what worries me about the UK.

This is very true. These situations are complicated. There is no one size fits all.

I posted about my situation because people jump on the 'lazy mum of disabled kid not working' stereotype a lot on here, when in reality they aren't supported to work and they can't access childcare outside school hours. Not everyone has access to clubs and some people and children like using them and aren't forced to use them either. A few times I sent my child to one when I was off work as I had errands piling up or had an appointment.

Whenever my son goes to his grandma’s, he’s always sent with a full lunch box. This is partly because he’s a picky eater but also because his grandma is Old Mother Hubbard who feeds him out of date cheese crackers and cheap, horrible chocolate.

Well not everyone can use holiday clubs. My son has ASD and has a one to one at school and wraparound care.at his school. I have no choice but to work term time because it would be extremely difficult to find holiday childcare for him. He would also find it extremely difficult.

If it works for you then it's great and I can understand using them rather than the children sitting all day on a tablet with their nan.

OP could provide food and just make the children leave their tablets at home.

We don’t do a lot of holiday clubs but I have flex with my work. My kids are generally exhausted at the end of the term/half term. They’re both very sporty so I feel their little bodies just need some time out from all the running around.

That’s true of any childcare though, including childminders, grandparents.

My children are still very young but I know if I ever try to have a day chilling at home I generally regret it by midday! Both mine are unwell at the moment and there is definitely the fantasy (let’s all snuggle in front of the TV in our pyjamas and have a lazy day) but the reality was the baby cried constantly, couldn’t give any attention to ds who consequently got bored and started misbehaving, the house was a tip and I really wasn’t loving it. We were much better for getting out even if only a library visit or whatever!

We try not to use them except in summer here. The ones they do have at half term and Easter breaks are just sport / multi sport which suits one child but not another.

Summer holidays we use holiday clubs but make sure they offer a combination of activities. And obviously they have two holidays with us in that period too.

For me, it's a waste of annual leave to have time off and have them here - my annual leave is for getting away. At half terms and Easters etc. the kids are with grandparents at their homes for 2-3 days. They very much fit in with them - bit of TV, bit of one on one craft or football in the garden. Often a trip out somewhere, even if just for an hour. Parents took them to the supermarket and let them pick ingredients for dinner and they all cooked together. Proper one on one time.

I disagree parents should have their kids at home in the holidays whilst WFH. That's not WFH.

We didn't use them, as they run 9-3. Both of us needed to be on site before 9, and I couldn't leave (assuming I'd worked enough hours) before 3.30 - DH was later.
So, I quit my decently paying job, as even with just one weeks summer holiday overlapping, dumping the kids at my parents one week, and paying for DHs parents to fly over for a week or 2, we just didn't have enough leave.

She could. Or she could send them to a holiday club.

I always used holiday clubs as no family. My colleagues often now work with kids there, fine if old enough but they surely get bored and I’d rather mine were in a club, doing sports etc. Mine are older now so no childcare needed, but dread to think how much it cost over the years, not cheap but we budgeted for the holiday
care

@Rainyspringflowers it just goes to show that all children are different.

My grandparents lived overseas so they were never an option for childcare when I was growing up, but I did have babysitters occasionally, and I much, much preferred that option to going out to a holiday club outside of my own environment.

I remember my dad coming home early once from work and I cried because I didn't want him and only wanted my babysitter 😂

It is £40 per day per child here, and £22 per day per child for wraparound. Even with using all of our leave separately, it still doesn't make financial sense for me and my partner with 2 children. I get you don't want them doing nothing all holiday on their tablets, but you are I a fortune position to have both family that want to help and £20 holiday clubs

She could. Or she could send them to a holiday club.

She could - ideally without being disingenuous about why other people prefer to choose differently to her.

@WittiestUsernameEver

I'm tto and pt. My DD is 4 and it's more important she spends time with me/dad than going to clubs. Even if all we do is potter about at home. She helps tidy up, plays, we read, write letters and post them etc

Children NEED their mum/dad. They don't need endless entertainment.

Thats nice for you… but it must have dawned on you not everyone has that luxury available to them? What do you expect a working single parent to do?

And yet again it's always women putting the blame on other women.

ironic

Well our holiday club is £53 a day so I completely understand that financially it's not a possibility for everyone. It's bloody fantastic though, DD is an only child and gets bored quickly and the club does bushcraft, abseiling, kayaking, climbing, trapeze, archery, air guns, axe throwing.... she comes home with stories of rowing 4 miles to the nearby park and picking blackberries and apples along the way then cooking them up on a camp fire for a snack.

If the only option was the clubs where they sit around colouring in all day it would be a different matter.

We do them but there’s only 2 locally that DD really enjoys going to, and even then she only wants to go if there’s classmates she knows. One is 9-3, but that one doesn’t take under 5s so her younger brother can’t go, and the one they can both go to is 10-3, so useless if you work, and it’s totally outdoors so only runs Easter and summer.
As for Grandma though, pack a lunchbox and leave the ipads at home? It wouldn’t hurt for some chill time, especially free chill time, for a couple of days. Then back to clubs the following week.

Everyone is different? Some people have different priorities. Some people want to be with their kids in the holidays when they aren't in school (you've said you would rather have a high salary). Some people don't like their kids in structured things all the time.

@fieldsofbutterflies i think the point is as parents we make decisions that are most beneficial to children. I would far rather my children spent time in holiday clubs than went to people who made no effort with them at all - and that would be the concern for me, you can provide food and remove the tablets but that’s the message I’d be getting, that I can’t be bothered with them, so I wouldn’t send them.

As it is I am a teacher so won’t need to use holiday clubs and I’ll do all I can to minimise time spent in wraparound care but I can see there’s a benefit too. For instance I am on maternity leave at the moment and my DS has continued to go to nursery for two days a week, it does him good and means I can relax a bit and I matter too. When I’m on holiday both children will continue to go to nursery for a couple of days: it’s paid for, it gives me a break and a chance to see friends and have my hair done, do boring stuff that’s hard or impossible to go with young children in tow.

I don’t feel guilty for this in the slightest and I don’t think anyone should feel bad for using holiday clubs, especially not when the alternative is pretty crap.

I was with you about sending them to clubs over family care, but you just ended up being an arse at the end. Doubly so with your comment that "two weeks doing nothing isn't good for anyone". It's both snobby to assume kids at home with their mums are "doing nothing" and also sounds like that weird "always be productive, side hustle, never stop" vibe that makes sense from a CEO but is depressing from the worker.

Maybe the women who choose term time only jobs rather than full time with holiday clubs, aren't doing it for financial reasons? Maybe they just prioritise different things than you and don't feel they're limiting themselves like you do. Maybe the things the kids would do at holiday clubs are things they'd do at home with their parents anyway? Maybe they have enough friends already and have plans with them during the holidays? Maybe they just want to spend time with their kids?

I'd DEFINITELY have preferred going to a holiday club when i was young rather than spending time with my boring Grandparents!!

We all just got dropped off at the stables at 8 am and picked up at 6pm from about 9 years old though, so never bored 😂
I hate being bored, i hate life without structure and couldn't think of anything worse than dragging the mattresses down for a day of films/TV (then, or now!)

i think the point is as parents we make decisions that are most beneficial to children.

Absolutely, but everyone has different children and different opinions on what is beneficial.

My experience of holiday clubs was wholly negative so I wouldn't use them unless I had other choice. Other children might have been bored stiff spending summer at grandmas and would therefore always choose to pay for childcare.

Neither choice is wrong but here's no need to false "I don't get it" tone from OP.

Depends on the dc. My eldest would have been ok but my youngest, even now where she's at the higher age range for holiday clubs, needs a break from the early starts, structure and routine . It's ok to sometimes not bother getting dressed and eat a bit of rubbish. I'm one of the people you are criticising as I work term time but I prioritise the work life balance over money, it's fine if you don't. We are all different. What is EBSA?

The amount of mums on single parent FB groups who limit their careers by only looking for term time jobs. Surely if you choose a job which pays 30k rather than 18K pro rata but you have to work some school holidays then you still end up better off?

Some of this is going to be about practicalities, which you won't get a full picture of on FB.

Holiday club availability is often patchy and can't necessarily be relied on, with the sector as it is now. The fact that a particular provision exists today doesn't mean it can be relied on to exist in years to come. Clubs don't necessarily match full working days plus commute even on a standard 9-5, which means these mothers may need other childcare on top that isn't guaranteed to be available either.

This is a loooot of provision to be betting on, especially for those who don't have support from the father or other family members. Neither you nor they are in a position to guarantee it'll be available to them for the whole time it's needed. Very easy to see why term time might seem safer.

And this is just for DC who do fine in that kind of setting. Not a given.