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Original poster

Why do people not like using holiday clubs?

380 replies

Youdirtylittlehamster · 03/04/2024 06:09

Speaking to ex-MIL. She's off with me. I don't know why. Later she comes to the point, why have I booked the DC's into holiday clubs when she could have them for free.
I don't want to tell her that it's because she doesn't do anything with them. Sometimes when I've picked them up she's let them be on their tablets all day, they haven't eaten any proper meals (once, just Hariono and crisps) they haven't washed or got changed, they aren't learning anything.
The reason I don't want to tell her is because I don't think she feels that any of this is important.
We fundamentally don't see eye to eye about this topic. She feels school holidays are for doing whatever the children want, with no limits or demands of them. She never worked when her children are school so doesn't get why I have to work them, and why I don't just tell my boss that I'm taking every school holiday off as 'I have children so surely they must understand'.

I like holiday clubs. I like the variety of the things they do. I like that they come home with stories and make new friends. My DD has EBSA at times, and it is much better to keep the routine of getting up in the week, getting dressed, having that separation from me. They do things there that I'm not good at like sports and baking. They meet kids from other schools and walks of life. Yes it is expensive but can be spread over a few months or budgeted for. If you are on UC then you can claim it back.

The amount of mums on single parent FB groups who limit their careers by only looking for term time jobs. Surely if you choose a job which pays 30k rather than 18K pro rata but you have to work some school holidays then you still end up better off?
I wonder if part of it is how they were brought up. I always went to holiday clubs, as my mum worked, so I don't think badly of them. The way some of my friends talk it's like I'm sending them down the pit!

OP posts:
mitogoshi · 03/04/2024 07:51

Oh and £20 a day? They were more than that 15 years ago where I lived, £100 a week was a cheap (very chaotic) one which allowed tv and PlayStation

Witsend101 · 03/04/2024 07:51

I don't think children need to be doing something every day and have their whole lives structured and filled with activity. Downtime can be a good thing, as can spending time with grandparents. I think it's nice that your MIL wants to spend time with your children

TinkerTiger · 03/04/2024 07:51

If you're sending them, send them. No need to make a whole post to highlight what a good mother you are, especially when those 'single mums' can't be bothered to work full time!

WittiestUsernameEver · 03/04/2024 07:51

I'm tto and pt. My DD is 4 and it's more important she spends time with me/dad than going to clubs. Even if all we do is potter about at home. She helps tidy up, plays, we read, write letters and post them etc

Children NEED their mum/dad. They don't need endless entertainment.

Yes, I could send her to holiday clubs for the 2 weeks ... Keep he busy , learning, meeting different people etc.

But she wouldn't be with the most important people.

TeaKitten · 03/04/2024 07:53

Youdirtylittlehamster · 03/04/2024 07:47

I'm not saying that everyone should do what we do. I'm saying that it's odd that women will choose for example low paid school office work (vastly underpaid for the skills involved) just to not work school holidays. Yes they can be expensive but not so much that choosing a 18k a year job over a 30k one makes financial sense.

And yet again it's always women putting the blame on other women. I don't say that everyone should work full time or put their kids in 8-6 holiday clubs for six weeks straight, but I get the 'poor kids' and 'oh I could never do that' comments. They're fine. It's 4 days of holiday club, not a gulag.

You are being a bit disingenuous though. You’ve started a thread asking why people don’t like them, people have said and you’ve ignored the actual points and said it’s fine. You’ve taken aim at single parents who are low earners when in actual fact you can hybrid work and have other options of holiday club doesn’t work out. Single parents sometimes have to do it all alone, struggle with the cost even when they do budget, can’t make the dad help. Not everyone has affordable holiday club with decent hours. But you blame the woman for sitting in lower paid jobs while saying ‘yet again it’s women putting the blame on other women’… so don’t do it then.

WittiestUsernameEver · 03/04/2024 07:53

Youdirtylittlehamster · 03/04/2024 07:47

I'm not saying that everyone should do what we do. I'm saying that it's odd that women will choose for example low paid school office work (vastly underpaid for the skills involved) just to not work school holidays. Yes they can be expensive but not so much that choosing a 18k a year job over a 30k one makes financial sense.

And yet again it's always women putting the blame on other women. I don't say that everyone should work full time or put their kids in 8-6 holiday clubs for six weeks straight, but I get the 'poor kids' and 'oh I could never do that' comments. They're fine. It's 4 days of holiday club, not a gulag.

Because money isn't everything and tom e spent together is more valuable.

Rudolftheorange · 03/04/2024 07:53

My kids really don't like them and one has an EHCP so they won't accept him with me paying for a 1:1. He is distraught by them. They crave the 'downtime' of doing not much and wearing PJs all day! So it works out cheaper and happier for one of us to take annual leave or unpaid parental leave.

But I also don't think holiday clubs are bad. If they work for you, great!

TinkerTiger · 03/04/2024 07:54

The stealth boasts on MN are getting weirder and weirder.

Good for you that you have the choice to work the way that you do and are able to budget for holiday clubs Confused

Sallysoup · 03/04/2024 07:55

Dd is older now but many holiday clubs were 9-3, which was neither use nor ornament for me working 8.30-5.

wpuleeeeto · 03/04/2024 07:56

Also, I remember absolutely hating them as a child, we used to go to them a lot as my parents needed us to. I much preferred when they started leaving us on our own at home even though that would be devilishly young by today's standards!

fieldsofbutterflies · 03/04/2024 07:57

Why ask for opinions if you're just going to dismiss them all? Or even tell other parents that their plans aren't good for their kids?

I was a child who attended holiday clubs and I absolutely hated it. It felt like I never got any proper downtime or a break from the routine of school.

I don't have children but if I did, I wouldn't be using holiday clubs unless I has absolutely no other option.

Bartholomewphilipswasrobbed · 03/04/2024 08:00

I always used them for a few days every holiday and, shock horror, was a SAHM. My only DC made lots of friends there, they were extremely well organised with lots of activities and we had no family for them to go to. Always worked for us. Do what's best for you.

Gingernurt88 · 03/04/2024 08:00

Some people have no choice as they don't have family or enough leave from work.

We've struggled this year but that's because we've moved the two year old from nursery to term time pre school so he's not old enough for holiday clubs. I get 15 days leave (pro rata 3 days a week) and whilst husband has a flexible work policy he can't cover more than two weeks at a time. Family have covered a couple of days here and there but both my parents still work themselves. I do count ourselves very privileged to have these options. We have sacrificed a family holiday together this year but it's a small sacrifice. All my leave has gone on covering the holidays so nothing spare for me to use but it is what it is. I remember my aunt years ago as a single mum struggling to make it work. When I offered to take leave and have my cousin's for a week I just watched her shoulders drop in relief.

I think we now have enough leave booked in to take us up to summer 2025. At that point DS will be 4 and about to start school. They'll both start going to holiday clubs then.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 03/04/2024 08:01

Chilling and doing nothing is fine for 2 weeks!

When I was a child in summer holidays for at least a month we went away with DM and her best friend and her 2 DC where we played in the countryside and went to the seaside but the rest of the time we did nothing. But we were allowed from 8/9 to get the bus 20-30 mins away to the nearest swimming pool and back and to hang around the local area doing car washes to get pocket money (usually to go to the funfair). Mum wanted to send me and DB to PGL holiday camps but though it looked nice we always refused to go!

A close friend of mine who’s American (our DM’s met on some kind of school exchange) was sent to holiday camps but away from her home all summer and said she hated them and missed her DM. Her DM was also a teacher though so she didn’t go every year but it was considered good for her to go.

Original poster
Youdirtylittlehamster · 03/04/2024 08:01

@TinkerTiger so it's more of a brag that I'm an exhausted, full time working single mum than it is to be able to have two weeks off, for my children to be able to stay in their house, all paid for by some rich husband (who would never sacrifice his career for his children, how many men work TTO?)

OP posts:
MrsElsa · 03/04/2024 08:07

Holiday clubs can be paid for with tax free childcare pot. Try Rocket camps. They have a few nationally and often have an early bird 10% discount. Agree it's good for kids to have unstructured time but not all of the summer hols - that's not doing the child any favours. MIL feeding them Haribo and crisps is utterly unacceptable tbh I'm surprised you managed to stay calm! Quietly reducing contact is the way to go for sure.

SunshinDay · 03/04/2024 08:09

Definitely a mix, children need lots of downtime to be left to their own devices.

It's only by having space to think and let our brains just idle can we come up with cortical ideas for all sorts of things.

I feel we are in the UK in grave danger of totally institutionalising our dc with very early nursery followed by lots of holiday clubs.

Some of my favourite summer memories are just mooching about at home, getting cosy on the sofa and watching films. In total I did about 4 holiday clubs each 1 or 2 weeks and I enjoyed them also.

MeMyselfAndMyEye · 03/04/2024 08:09

We do a mixture of both, some totally unstructured some holiday club.

I like holiday clubs for my DS, he is 11 and will only do football club. I like it because it balances out the slob days at home.

Each to their own.

OhmygodDont · 03/04/2024 08:11

And sometimes the poor them comments might just be that your child has been overheard complaining to a friend about having to go. How much they would love to spend time just at home getting to do what their mates do.

Same as they might love to go to a water park in Turkey rather than holiday club or be at home.

But yes I will admit I do feel sorry for the children who seem to get no break and bounce straight from school to holiday club back to school. They get no lazy days, no sleeping in, no playing out at the park for hours with friends, no trips into town even if for boring shopping as such. They just get stuck in the still 8-4/5pm like little mini workers mon-fri.

Isitovernow123 · 03/04/2024 08:12

Op, kids need time to do absolutely nothing, in the same way we all need time to nothing. Yes holiday clubs are good for a day or two, but they cost a fair bit and when you can leave them for free in a safe and caring environment, why wouldn’t you?

As for holidays and who takes time off, that’s up for you and your partner to work out. We split it so family looked after for 2 weeks, and 2 weeks individually over the 6 week summer.

user1496146479 · 03/04/2024 08:12

I agree with your premise here, but the more you post I am finding myself seeing where MIL is coming from!
You cannot see anyone else's point of view, it's cheap, just budget for it etc!
You know life is not that simple for everyone right??
Some families budget to eat, feed kids when they are not in school getting school meals etc?
Please stop being so blinkered. And give you kids some chill time! Grin

Original poster
Youdirtylittlehamster · 03/04/2024 08:13

@SunshinDay but that's part of the capitalist society we live in, surely. Yes it's horrific but that's how we live now. As a single parent, I have had no other option but using nursery, holiday clubs and wrap around care. To think that there is some element of choice in these decisions is a privileged position.

OP posts:
spriots · 03/04/2024 08:13

The way some of my friends talk it's like I'm sending them down the pit!

It's this attitude that I find strange too.

Don't use holiday clubs because it doesn't work for your child or your working hours, fair enough, but the horror of them is a bit weird to me.

Often the people I know who say this have never actually used one so have no idea what it's like.

My kids have been to a few - the most recent one had a mix of things you could do, some organised activities, a bouncy castle, a chill out zone with Lego/puzzles/books, it certainly didn't look like forced educational activities to me.

MariaVT65 · 03/04/2024 08:13

I think there is a big difference between ‘chilling all day’ and ‘having 9 hours straight of screens and eating crisps/choc/biscuits all day’. It sounds to me like op would be happier with MIL taking the kids otherwise. This is ok for the odd day but not a whole week is it.

Mairzydotes · 03/04/2024 08:14

I agree that holiday clubs give kids a chance to try activities they may not otherwise experience.

However, availability is often limited.

The hours may not be convenient. My dcs school only runs 10-3 holiday sessions. And you have to book the full week .

I don't see the problem with using then during the holidays if they are suitable for your hours and you can afford them . As long as they have ' days off ' too.

In the case of op , I'd allow them to go to their gm occasionally, perhaps weekly for a day as it's nice for them to spend time together.