DS’s friend damaged toy & hid it

[Snowstorming]

Just looking for advice on how to deal with this situation as I know kids are kids and I don’t want to make any child feel attacked or scared, but I also want to learn from what’s happened today

so my DS8 got a brand new gift today, roughly £18 toy from Smyths. Definitely a one off treat as I am really strapped for cash and can’t afford big treats regularly.

we came home as DS had a play date at our home with some friends. I stupidly left the toy out on the kitchen top. I now realise I should have taken responsibility and packed it away. However, the play date was due to take place in the garden, not home (think of a bunch of young lads just playing in the front garden with some snacks, all live locally like on the same road and same neighbourhood so no need to come inside really as their homes were closeby).

one of DSs friends went inside with my younger DS who is only 5 and convinced DS5 to tell them where some scissors are, then tried to open the new toy. They ended up cutting through the toy’s wiring and it no longer works. It’s never been used, brand new.

i didn’t know about this until DS8 noticed his toy was open on the table and the packaging all over the place, and saw the broken wire. DS5 admitted what happened and was adamant that DS friend cut it and then ran out of the house.

while this was happening, I was supervising outside and clearly missed them going into the house (it was a span of a few minutes as I clearly remember seeing them come outside and reminding them to play outside rather than go inside).

I don’t know what to do next. I will probably see DS8’s friend tomorrow as they live down the road from us and play together regularly although some of his behaviour has put me off previously (eg lying, inappropriate remarks, swearing etc).

should I speak to the child? Should I just consider this a lesson on being more safe and organised in future?

what would you do?

God there are some thick people on this thread

Please read my OP it will all make sense!

No child was allowed indoors (I even had snacks and drinks outside just to avoid any hungry/thirsty kiddos going inside)

Unless it is explicit your cctv sign is only for outside. Your title mentioned the child hid the broken toy, but your ds found it on the counter.

Scissors weren't "just available" said 8 year old climbed up on a stool to get them. An EIGHT year old should know better.

I'm astounded how many apparent parents are just saying "meh kids, your fault" and that this is normal behaviour for 8 year olds. It's really not, they are old enough to know not to touch things that don't belong to them - although it does tie in with the increase in poor behaviour in education (I'm a teacher educator) - everything is always someone else's fault, children are not responsible and nor are their parents.

If your DS wasn’t invited into my house which had a nanny downstairs in full view, but went inside anyway, at the ripe age of 8 years old, I would maybe wonder why your DS feels entitled to enter others homes and damage their property? Each to their own I guess

Oh yeah cuz 8 year olds think that way? I'm on a play date but I'm not entitled yo enter the property for a loo break?

You literally said it's a play date not arrangement for the kids to play outside only!

Also for the person who asked why I missed them going inside, I was watching them outside but around that time i was helping some of the kids with their activities and also listening to like 5 kids talking at me nonstop 🥲

No I meant he hid the fact that it happened, not the toy itselr

No I do teach my child about owning up to their mistakes however Im also the type of parent that doesn't let him play unsupervised with scissors with a 5yr old.

I was clearly saying the boy may have a difficult time at their home.. I feel like this thread is a wind up 🤣

Wow the kids around us wouldn't dream of doing what that kid did. Hold him and parents to account or his behaviour will get worse.

You didn’t read my messages properly it was playing in the outside garden with local kids on our street who all go home for loo breaks/snacks because they live so close and all the neighbours take turns hosting kids in their gardens lol.

Yes, this is how I get my jollies, writing random boring stories on Mumsnet! 🤣🤣🤣 are you ok?

Honestly I agree, thank you.

frankly speaking I would be so embarrassed if my child did this and I would have a chat with them about their behaviour and expectations

Also the fact that they made an effort to get the scissors and open the toy is what really bugged me. It wasnt a sudden impulsive action, it was him making a real effort!

He didn't go to the loo though so not sure what your point is?

@Snowstorming I did read your message actually! A play date where it's all outside? Was this relayed to every child that they were forbidden from entering your home?

Did the DS5, not know the rules and not alert you that an 8 year old had entered your property?

What steps as the responsible adult did you take to ensure no one entered the property?

1. yes everyone was told and except for my own kids, no one else was supposed to go inside.

2. no my 5 year old did not “alert” me

3. I assumed a bunch of 8-9 year olds would respect boundaries and kept the door closed

@Azandme how do you know that? How may have taken a wee away from the CCTV (bloody hope it doesn't cover the toilet), then seen the toy?

Are you suggesting an 8 year old went looking for loot? 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Do you enjoy making up hypothetical scenarios to get your nonexistent points across because it’s quite tedious lol 🥱

She wasn't officially "looking after" the 8 year old, she didn't let him inside the house with scissors - she explicity told them not to go into the house. The child snuck in, climbed on a stool to get the scissors and broke the toy. The child wouldn't have been filmed if he'd listened to Op. An 8 year old should be able to follow simple instructions. The Op has a camera for her own reasons. She can't afford to replace the toy. So, if your 8 year old broke a friends toy after sneaking into the house (having been told it was out of bounds) going to lengths to get access to scissors you would be livid at the other parent, not your child? Surely the right thing to do is to apologise, make the child apologise, explain to them that their behaviour was unacceptable and replace the toy. At the least. Sadly, there are a lot of parents out there who, like you, when their child does something wrong, they blame another child/parent for their own child's bad behaviour. It's never the fault of their child .

Thank you. Honestly thank you.

i would do this exact thing if it was my child who damaged someone else’s property and went against specific instructions in a situation that they enjoy regularly (playing in local gardens is nothing new for the kids).

@Snowstorming I advise no more play dates. They're not for you, if you are not able to notice rule breakers!

They're 8, you should've been more alert, if your rules are so strict and you're videoing them!

Also as a parent, I would've been happier if you advised that you had internal CCTV, I would like to know if this was everywhere including toilets and make a judgement call if I wanted my children in your front garden. Children will be children at go to the loo, look for toys etc.

I'll assume you don't do a full, these are the rules:/

1. You never access the house
2. You are not allowed to use the toilet
3. You are not allowed to grab a glass of water
4. If my 8 or 5 year old invite you in, ignore them

Every single play date?

Gosh op you're getting some stick.

Bottom line is, unless there are LD the 8 year old made a choice to get scissors to then damage the toy. Regardless of the reasons I'm 99% sure the child would know this is wrong.

If it would cause issues for you with where you live/ other neighbours etc I'd probably keep quiet with the parents but not let the boy near the house again. If you're not bothered about parents reactions/ backlash I'd approach them from a perspective of 'little Johnny did this when no permission to enter the house etc so Johnny won't be invited again' or similar.

It's shit this has happened and sending you a big hug.

WTAF is going on on this thread?

EIGHT year olds are perfectly capable of not touching things that don't belong to them, and understanding why. If they don't that's poor parenting.

I've been (professionally) observing behaviour in schools getting progressively worse in recent years (a govt study was released recently to support this).

This thread, and the frankly farcical assertions that eight year olds can't be expected to know not to chop at the packaging of a NEW toy in someone else's house, with scissors they had to climb on a stool to get, is telling me more than that study did.

If your kids would do this at 8 years old you need to take a good long look at your parenting, because by 8 they have the capacity to know this is unacceptable, and if they haven't been taught it, then that's on you.

People piling blame on the op and absolving the 8 year old of responsibility are saying more about their own parenting standards than hers.

It's actually embarrassing.