DS’s friend damaged toy & hid it

[Snowstorming]

Just looking for advice on how to deal with this situation as I know kids are kids and I don’t want to make any child feel attacked or scared, but I also want to learn from what’s happened today

so my DS8 got a brand new gift today, roughly £18 toy from Smyths. Definitely a one off treat as I am really strapped for cash and can’t afford big treats regularly.

we came home as DS had a play date at our home with some friends. I stupidly left the toy out on the kitchen top. I now realise I should have taken responsibility and packed it away. However, the play date was due to take place in the garden, not home (think of a bunch of young lads just playing in the front garden with some snacks, all live locally like on the same road and same neighbourhood so no need to come inside really as their homes were closeby).

one of DSs friends went inside with my younger DS who is only 5 and convinced DS5 to tell them where some scissors are, then tried to open the new toy. They ended up cutting through the toy’s wiring and it no longer works. It’s never been used, brand new.

i didn’t know about this until DS8 noticed his toy was open on the table and the packaging all over the place, and saw the broken wire. DS5 admitted what happened and was adamant that DS friend cut it and then ran out of the house.

while this was happening, I was supervising outside and clearly missed them going into the house (it was a span of a few minutes as I clearly remember seeing them come outside and reminding them to play outside rather than go inside).

I don’t know what to do next. I will probably see DS8’s friend tomorrow as they live down the road from us and play together regularly although some of his behaviour has put me off previously (eg lying, inappropriate remarks, swearing etc).

should I speak to the child? Should I just consider this a lesson on being more safe and organised in future?

what would you do?

Please elaborate on me “filming them and conducting my own investigation” lol

Not the point of the thread but this shows you that having internal CCTV doesn't stop things happening, dont let them give you a false sense of security

Is your warning notice at a height that children can read?

i am unfortunately cash-strapped, lol if i was loaded then trust me i would not be on here in my spare time

eh? Only poor people can use forums?

honestly i think spying on your own kids and others’ kids is really weird. As is ‘losing’ someone else’s kid inside your house long enough for them to get scissors and destroy a toy whilst you’re watching them in the front garden. How bloody big is your front garden?

Sorry @Snowstorming y is given loads of info about DS5 telling you this or that, when challenged you've changed it to, it's the camera?

Surely if you knew 100% as it was recorded, you would have mentioned that vital but if info?

You have a nanny cam and CCTV which you have reviewed to try and find out who damaged an 18 quid toy? The kid was just trying to open it it's hardly the crime of the century.

You sound like type of parent to not teach your children to own up to their mistakes.

the child has a difficult time at my home? Lol
the child yesterday said to my child “I wish I was your cousin so I could always play with you and so my mum and your mum could be sisters and we could have sleepovers”

they are quite happy at mine. Their home life is a bit rocky but none of my business which is why I am avoiding that detail. It is probably why I have always had a soft spot for the child and allowed so much contact even when they have been slightly unkind to my DS.

Also you’ve said you’re going to try and fix a cut wire? How? Are you an electrician? What kind of toy is it?

Honestly I said before I’m on a phone typing a bit clunkily and it’s been a long tiring day.

you can see I even posted a second message immediately after my first one with more info/detail, I was sort of doubting myself for even posting it in the first place.

Apologies if you thought it was too much of a drip feed but it is what it is and I would not get any pleasure nor benefit from chatting bollocks on Mumsnet lol.

although some of his behaviour has put me off previously (eg lying, inappropriate remarks, swearing etc) I think for me this would be reason enough to not have that kid back. I'd feel sorry for him but I wouldn't want him round my children.

The trying to open a new toy left out is just the sort of thing kids do without thinking about consequences, that would bother me less. Going inside the house if I'd told them to stay outside would annoy me though.

Is there a specific reason why you don't want to approach the kid's parents?

The obvious thing to do would be tell/ show them, unless they're vile and you think it would backfire. In which case you just need to suck it up.

If you had read the whole thread you would see some kind posters have given suggestions on how to possibly fix the problem wire

@Snowstorming no "clunky" posting noted, lots of very long detailed posts, but missing major information... like you had it on camera!

What toy is it? Maybe someone can help you more specifically with the ‘cut wire’

They’re not vile but they aren’t very friendly or understanding and I have seen how they react when they feel like they’re being called out… that’s my main reason for not immediately approaching them I guess

the other reason is I kind of blame myself for allowing it to happen: at the end of the day, kids are kids

It’s one of those ‘pet’ animals with a leash attached that can move around and make sounds etc etc

It's really not difficult to repair a cut wire.

You seem to be demanding answers because you don't believe a 'lay person' could do it.

You're wrong, and your tone could do with some work.

Okay, my apologies for that. Not much more I can say. It is what it is.

How did you not notice them gone from your front garden if out there with them? Struggling with it - is it a massive garden even though you’re cash strapped?

Hope you can fix it OP. What a bummer

You're wrong, and your tone could do with some work

that's made me snort - you do see the irony there right?

Why do you have CCTV in your house

As far as I'm aware only psycho parents have this

the other reason is I kind of blame myself for allowing it to happen: at the end of the day, kids are kids*

Well yes!

Also you need to either make sure children do not access your house, locked doors or no play dates or let people know you're recording them, at 8 they don't ask for permission to enter, I would assume my 8 year old could enter first a drink at a play date? Saying you didn't give permission to an 8 year old is ridiculous!

Really? I would want to speak to my child first. I would definitely be cross that they were not being supervised properly on a play date and annoyed about scissors just being available.

I would offer money to prevent a falling out, but would consider ut very poor form if the money was accepted.

Sounds like balls to me. Too much of a drip feed.

I would have expected a parent to supervise my child at their place tbh.

It's a quite young child left together on their own with a 5 yo.

I would offer to pay but I would think the parents could have done better.