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AIBU?

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Original poster

DS’s friend damaged toy & hid it

449 replies

Snowstorming · 02/04/2024 21:27

Just looking for advice on how to deal with this situation as I know kids are kids and I don’t want to make any child feel attacked or scared, but I also want to learn from what’s happened today

so my DS8 got a brand new gift today, roughly £18 toy from Smyths. Definitely a one off treat as I am really strapped for cash and can’t afford big treats regularly.

we came home as DS had a play date at our home with some friends. I stupidly left the toy out on the kitchen top. I now realise I should have taken responsibility and packed it away. However, the play date was due to take place in the garden, not home (think of a bunch of young lads just playing in the front garden with some snacks, all live locally like on the same road and same neighbourhood so no need to come inside really as their homes were closeby).

one of DSs friends went inside with my younger DS who is only 5 and convinced DS5 to tell them where some scissors are, then tried to open the new toy. They ended up cutting through the toy’s wiring and it no longer works. It’s never been used, brand new.

i didn’t know about this until DS8 noticed his toy was open on the table and the packaging all over the place, and saw the broken wire. DS5 admitted what happened and was adamant that DS friend cut it and then ran out of the house.

while this was happening, I was supervising outside and clearly missed them going into the house (it was a span of a few minutes as I clearly remember seeing them come outside and reminding them to play outside rather than go inside).

I don’t know what to do next. I will probably see DS8’s friend tomorrow as they live down the road from us and play together regularly although some of his behaviour has put me off previously (eg lying, inappropriate remarks, swearing etc).

should I speak to the child? Should I just consider this a lesson on being more safe and organised in future?

what would you do?

OP posts:
Original poster
Snowstorming · 02/04/2024 21:30

I know it’s really pathetic but I’m just so angry at DS friend for ruining his brand new toy and even just seeing the packaging all over the kitchen pissed me off. It’s such bratty and entitled behaviour. I am thinking of enforcing a ban so he’s no longer allowed in the house at the very least as he has failed to respect other peoples property and not even apologised.

If I had balls I’d probably ask for reimbursement lol but I 100% can’t bring myself to ever do that

OP posts:
ASighMadeOfStone · 02/04/2024 21:33

You don't even know that it was the friend who did it and not your other child who seems to have been involved.

Timeandtidy · 02/04/2024 21:33

I don’t think there’s much you can do in terms of recompense as the 8 year old was a guest at your house and technically you should have been supervising him. You’ve also only got a 5 year old’s word for it.

However I would be seriously annoying too and I wouldn’t have the DC over again.

SabbatWheel · 02/04/2024 21:34

My guess is that it was the 5 yr old.

Poppalina37 · 02/04/2024 21:34

Id speak with his parents! If my kid did that I would want to know and I absolutely would go at the very least halves to replace the toy.

He shouldn't have touched it x

Username9917 · 02/04/2024 21:35

There must be a back story here for you to be so off the charts angry about this? From the outside, isn't bratty or entitled at all, it's the actions of a literal child who made a mistake, and was too scared to admit to it. Children make mistakes, and they shouldn't be shamed for them. I would be all for explaining to this child why they shouldn't touch things that aren't theirs, and that if they make a mistake then to tell someone, but it sounds like they've been raised to fear mistakes and expect punishment for them, hence them not owning up to it.

Lastqueenofscotland2 · 02/04/2024 21:36

It put money on it being your 5 year old…

Londonrach1 · 02/04/2024 21:38

I'd say it was the 5 year old, possibly both.

thesecondmrswogan · 02/04/2024 21:39

Cut off a bit of the plastic insulation, twist the wires together and cover with insulation tape?

Popchippps · 02/04/2024 21:41

Another vote for it being the 5year old

and as you say lesson learnt to put things away

Lorelaigilmore88 · 02/04/2024 21:41

Username9917 · 02/04/2024 21:35

There must be a back story here for you to be so off the charts angry about this? From the outside, isn't bratty or entitled at all, it's the actions of a literal child who made a mistake, and was too scared to admit to it. Children make mistakes, and they shouldn't be shamed for them. I would be all for explaining to this child why they shouldn't touch things that aren't theirs, and that if they make a mistake then to tell someone, but it sounds like they've been raised to fear mistakes and expect punishment for them, hence them not owning up to it.

She's already explained why she's upset, she's got very little money. When you have no money and you buy something for a child you know you cant replace its very upsetting. I would be pissed off too. Yes he's a child but most 8yos i know would know they aren't allowed to get a pair of scissors and open a new toy that isnt theirs.

Original poster
Snowstorming · 02/04/2024 21:42

Just like to add, I have a nanny cam in my
living area/front kitchen and it shows the incident clearly happening. DS5 was with the friend the whole time but I can clearly see the friend taking the scissors (by standing on a stool to reach the kitchen back end) and cutting up the packaging and toy. DS5 also runs out halfway through the process and friend is left damaging the toy until they cut the wire, realise what’s happened, look at the toy for a bit and then leave.

i have proof but DH says it would be weird ‘showing’ it to the friends parents.

also I know my DS5, he’s very wimpy (bless his heart lol) and is more prone to whining than to having the courage to even touch others toys. He’s not that brave!

OP posts:
MumChp · 02/04/2024 21:42

Let it go. Lesson learnt.

notnowmarmaduke · 02/04/2024 21:43

I would approach the parents in a friendly way and ask them to speak to their child and find out what happened, I also think it was your 5 year old

I don't think you can be angry - a child under your supervision was in a room you didn't know, and handling scissors you knew nothing about.....

Allofaflutter · 02/04/2024 21:43

I would show the parents and ask for a new toy but I doubt you will get it. Also ban the kid from yours.

Original poster
Snowstorming · 02/04/2024 21:43

ASighMadeOfStone · 02/04/2024 21:33

You don't even know that it was the friend who did it and not your other child who seems to have been involved.

Apologies for the drip feed but I should gave clarified from the start that I 100% have seen the friend damaging the toy in the nanny cam and have confirmed it through the clip. Even the CCTV footage on our front garden shows DS5 leaving the house and the friend coming out a few mins later!

OP posts:
shoppingshamed · 02/04/2024 21:44

That is a difficult one, as you know for a fact what happened it might be worth speaking to the parents but I'm not sure how best to have the conversation.i wouldnt speak to the child

Is there any way to repair it?

Username9917 · 02/04/2024 21:46

@Lorelaigilmore88 I've taught approximately 300+ eight year olds in my time, and yes, there are MANY who would make such a mistake, they aren't exactly known for superb impulse control? I understand the anger and the OP's first post made sense, but the addendum was really bloody furious, I assume there's a history with this child we don't know about! But, yes, plenty of nice children would've made a similar mistake. Be glad there are people who approach such situations with children with compassion and a willingness to understand before judging!

Original poster
Snowstorming · 02/04/2024 21:47

I will try the repairing suggestion, I really hope it works because my DS8 was devastated. I’m not kidding when I say the last treat he received was on his birthday last July. This treat was because he’d had a tough time lately and we’re going through lots of changes at home.

to answer a few messages - I feel really angry at myself that two kids even had access to scissors in the first place, I’m actually glad no one got hurt. What happened also is that we are currently having some ‘fixing up’ going on downstairs at home and that’s why the indoors was off-limits - there’s a LOT of clutter and mess going on that needed sorting first.

OP posts:
TheMixedGirl · 02/04/2024 21:47

If its the wire it can likely be repaired. Do you have thr nextdoor app? Or do you have a partner good with these things? Like someone else said the plastic bit around the wire can be trimmed and the wires connected again and covered with electric tape. The put the toy back together again.

BunniesRUs · 02/04/2024 21:49

Speak to parents. They may offer to reimburse and tell off kid.

Alwaysalwayscold · 02/04/2024 21:49

I wouldn't allow a child who behaves like that back in my home.

That being said, you need to replace the toy for your DS as it was you who left him unsupervised in the kitchen (with access to scissors).

AveAtqueVale · 02/04/2024 21:50

Not sure if it helps OP but if you contacted me to say either of my two had done this (6 and 9) I'd a) be mortified, b) offer to pay for a replacement immediately - wouldn't wait for you to ask! and c) not even think about wondering why they had access to scissors or disbelieving/ questioning you/ demanding proof. Kids do weird stuff, particularly when in odd situations (ie at other people's houses) and I'm sure most parents would realise that and would want to make amends.

Original poster
Snowstorming · 02/04/2024 21:51

Username9917 · 02/04/2024 21:46

@Lorelaigilmore88 I've taught approximately 300+ eight year olds in my time, and yes, there are MANY who would make such a mistake, they aren't exactly known for superb impulse control? I understand the anger and the OP's first post made sense, but the addendum was really bloody furious, I assume there's a history with this child we don't know about! But, yes, plenty of nice children would've made a similar mistake. Be glad there are people who approach such situations with children with compassion and a willingness to understand before judging!

Yes you’re right, there is a backstory which I slightly mentioned in my OP.

the child in question has not got the nicest behaviour but as someone who understands children make mistakes and are just learning etc etc, I try to give him the benefit of the doubt.

Last week he actually hit my DS8 (very slyly, so he wouldn’t be noticed but I caught him and DS8 told me what happened afterwards) and I had to handle this. He’s also known for being - and I don’t want to use the word Bully here - but quite verbally aggressive.

other times he is funny and sweet, but many times he is just very bratty to say the least. He also makes very inappropriate comments (calling people “gay” as an insult).

I think I am also wondering if I was wrong to encourage my DS8 to keep being his friend as I just assumed they live nearby so being on good terms would be better for everyone, but perhaps my boundaries were weak

OP posts:
caringcarer · 02/04/2024 21:52

Why don't you tell the child's parents what happened and you have it recorded on Nanny Cam. Show them. They should offer to replace it. I know I would if it was my DC who broke the toy.