DS’s friend damaged toy & hid it

[Snowstorming]

Just looking for advice on how to deal with this situation as I know kids are kids and I don’t want to make any child feel attacked or scared, but I also want to learn from what’s happened today

so my DS8 got a brand new gift today, roughly £18 toy from Smyths. Definitely a one off treat as I am really strapped for cash and can’t afford big treats regularly.

we came home as DS had a play date at our home with some friends. I stupidly left the toy out on the kitchen top. I now realise I should have taken responsibility and packed it away. However, the play date was due to take place in the garden, not home (think of a bunch of young lads just playing in the front garden with some snacks, all live locally like on the same road and same neighbourhood so no need to come inside really as their homes were closeby).

one of DSs friends went inside with my younger DS who is only 5 and convinced DS5 to tell them where some scissors are, then tried to open the new toy. They ended up cutting through the toy’s wiring and it no longer works. It’s never been used, brand new.

i didn’t know about this until DS8 noticed his toy was open on the table and the packaging all over the place, and saw the broken wire. DS5 admitted what happened and was adamant that DS friend cut it and then ran out of the house.

while this was happening, I was supervising outside and clearly missed them going into the house (it was a span of a few minutes as I clearly remember seeing them come outside and reminding them to play outside rather than go inside).

I don’t know what to do next. I will probably see DS8’s friend tomorrow as they live down the road from us and play together regularly although some of his behaviour has put me off previously (eg lying, inappropriate remarks, swearing etc).

should I speak to the child? Should I just consider this a lesson on being more safe and organised in future?

what would you do?

I know you have your reasons, but it seems incredibly controlling/claustrophobic for your children to have everything they do, filmed and reviewable by you.

Agreed, I'm astounded too.

@Snowstorming next time I'd ensure they are all outside eg lock the front door if possible, but also chat it through with the 5 yr old that next time he must tell you if any friends are where they shouldn't be, so you can step in and sort it before any mishaps.

I'd also be very wary of the 'friend' coming over again as he can't be trusted as well as other questionable behaviours I wouldn't want rubbing off on the younger DS.

I'm really surprised at how many people think this is normal behaviour for an 8 year old. I'd be really shocked if mine did something this sneaky and I'm amazed that anyone would expect constant parental supervision for children of that age especially needing to be watched closely around scissors!!

I spend a lot of time with children of a wide range of ages and I think this behaviour is quite unusual. Perhaps I know unexpectedly well-behaved children (which would be good PR as most are home educated😏!) but I do not recognise the behaviour some posters are describing, esp the behaviour at the 7 year old's birthday party! 😯 Makes me glad mine aren't in school if this is now considered normal for kids of that age.

Yeah, I agree. My DS5 is still a lot more immature than my DS8 but even DS5 was clearly upset and uneasy about what had happened. They also got a talk from me about not coming to me straight away but they clearly didn’t do the physical damage to the toy.

i feel embarrassed for parents that don’t take responsibility for their kids.

I do disagree a bit about the supervision point though. At 8, they shouldn’t need an adult breathing down their necks during a play date.

Totally dreadful!

Can you imagine them looking back on how they were controlled and viewed.

Very concerning indeed!

Where does it say that everything they do is filmed and reviewed?

Seven isn't eight and there is a big difference at that age, but even so, that's unacceptable behaviour.

The fact that you had to ask your mum to stand guard makes me wonder what the parents were doing (if they were there). Clearly not parenting!

I'd expect that behaviour up to about 4/5. Not 7.

You put it down to experience and supervise more carefully in future. He isn’t the first child to panic and hide things when they break them and he won’t be the last. It doesn’t presuppose a lifetime of crime.

There’s no good to gained from cornering him about it. He’ll almost certainly lie and then you tell hem you know it’s him and where do you go from there?

As he has other negative behaviours just don’t have him back to the house.

Let it go.

Telling the parents could turn nasty. It's not worth it for £18 worth of damage.

You know now to be weary if this kid and keep an eye out.

Well if you have cameras inside the house (even with a cutesy name like Nanny Cam) then they are being filmed as they go about their business in the house, surely? Ok maybe it’s not in every room but still.

And any little transgression you can go and check the camera.

Anyway. It’s not like he murdered the hamster.

I think your last sentence pretty much negates the rest of your post x

😅😅🫣🫣

thank goodness for that

I was just thinking exactly that! The lack of comprehension is nuts!!!

I'm shocked at the replies here. The kid is 8, not 4. He knew it wasn't his to open. My son would get a bollocking if he had done something like that in a friend's house.

I wouldn't have him back and would tell his parents. How embarrassing for them.

This whole thing is just so odd. Thoughts and questions

1. you arranged a playdate ONLY in your front garden
2. you then stood in front garden entire time but didn’t notice when 2 children went inside because you were helping ‘other children work their activities’
3. Which leads me to - how bloody big is your front garden?
4. what activities had you set up in said front garden?
5. you said you brought snacks and water to your front garden to stop kids entering your house? Why!
6. You film inside with a nanny cam due to past trauma
7. you forget to mention this in opening post instead telling people you relied on your 5 yr old. Until questioned.
8. You repeatedly say all these errors are due to clunky typing as on a phone. Isn’t this how the vast majority of people access the internet?

If you read my OP you’d get answers to most of your questions

💯 % this!

Oh my god you’re still there? 🤣

@Snowstorming do humour me and answer them please?

Your title said he hid the toy after breaking it.

Did he?

Maybe I missed it but I didn't see that mentioned in your posts...

I think it's a real shame for your son but sometimes these things happen if you have children coming and going and you are supervising several all at one time and some or one of them is perhaps not as well behaved as others and you can't keep an eye on everyone. That's why some parents detest play dates, some won't have any visiting children, some don't allow their children to play out. Not saying you should be fine the toy got broken or you shouldn't think the child misbehaved and the parent should do what ever, but actually these things happen and I'd just have to let it go for the sake of not falling out with neighbours and creating more upset. And I'd definitely put boundaries on the free roaming into my garden.

Apologies, I clarified previously that the damage was hidden, not the actual toy itself

I mean he didn’t do anything to mention what happened etx