DS’s friend damaged toy & hid it

[Snowstorming]

Just looking for advice on how to deal with this situation as I know kids are kids and I don’t want to make any child feel attacked or scared, but I also want to learn from what’s happened today

so my DS8 got a brand new gift today, roughly £18 toy from Smyths. Definitely a one off treat as I am really strapped for cash and can’t afford big treats regularly.

we came home as DS had a play date at our home with some friends. I stupidly left the toy out on the kitchen top. I now realise I should have taken responsibility and packed it away. However, the play date was due to take place in the garden, not home (think of a bunch of young lads just playing in the front garden with some snacks, all live locally like on the same road and same neighbourhood so no need to come inside really as their homes were closeby).

one of DSs friends went inside with my younger DS who is only 5 and convinced DS5 to tell them where some scissors are, then tried to open the new toy. They ended up cutting through the toy’s wiring and it no longer works. It’s never been used, brand new.

i didn’t know about this until DS8 noticed his toy was open on the table and the packaging all over the place, and saw the broken wire. DS5 admitted what happened and was adamant that DS friend cut it and then ran out of the house.

while this was happening, I was supervising outside and clearly missed them going into the house (it was a span of a few minutes as I clearly remember seeing them come outside and reminding them to play outside rather than go inside).

I don’t know what to do next. I will probably see DS8’s friend tomorrow as they live down the road from us and play together regularly although some of his behaviour has put me off previously (eg lying, inappropriate remarks, swearing etc).

should I speak to the child? Should I just consider this a lesson on being more safe and organised in future?

what would you do?

I've not met an 8 year old who would attempt to open a new toy that wasn't theirs, in a house that wasn't theirs.

Younger children, possibly, but by eight kids generally know not to touch things that don't belong to them.

https://www.smythstoys.com/uk/en-gb/toys/fashion-and-dolls/interactive-pets/fluffy-puppies-walking-poodle/p/208131

this? I can’t see how anyone could cut through that without really trying hard to do so!

You can easily fix the wire

Just twist it together and tape it with electric wire tape or duck / duct tape

I'd go batshit if I thought you were recording my DC with CCTV

"18 quid" is a lot of money to plenty of people. No need to be so dismissive.

I'd also want to know. I have CCTV in my back garden. If something got broken out there I'd check it. Most people would.

"Crime of the century" - no. Unacceptable behaviour? Yes. I'd be seriously disappointed if my child did this in someone else's house aged 8 - because she'd been taught that you don't touch things that don't belong to you.

I'm guessing you have lower expectations for your children.

Yes your generalisation must be 100% accurate thank you for enlightening Mumsnet today x

You should tell parents in future you do CCTV at playdates.

If your DS wasn’t invited into my house which had a nanny downstairs in full view, but went inside anyway, at the ripe age of 8 years old, I would maybe wonder why your DS feels entitled to enter others homes and damage their property? Each to their own I guess

My thoughts (not that they’re worth anything:

1. the kid is a bully, why are you encouraging a friendship?
2. as a parent I would want to know if my son had done this and I’d be mortified and replace immediately.
3. if I was daft enough to have the child over again I’d make it clear I knew he’d broken the toy and how he could make better choices.

the CCTV outside has a sign.

none of the children were supposed to be indoors. Parents in our neighbourhood often allow children to play in each others gardens, they live so close that they can pop home a for a loo break or snack.

☕️

No definitely don't show the parents the nanny cam evidence, it's weird they will wonder why you are filming the children, despite you having your own personal reasons!

If it was me, I'd be more annoyed at myself leaving the toy in a place it was easily reached and treat it as a lesson learned not to leave out anything of value when hosting playdates.

If it really does bother you, don't show the video but mention it to the parents, maybe approach it in a way that the child opened a new gift and explain what happened. They may offer to reimburse you

TBF they do sound pretty vile in that case.

We had one of those animal on a lead things and it was the noisiest most annoying thing - seemed to go off on a hair trigger too. I think k you've had a lucky escape. Sorry you've wasted your money though.

Not this exact toy but somewhat similar, also I have a photo of the cut wire lol it’s very clear (unfortunately)

Op has literally said there is a sign saying so on her front door.

One would assume that they've seen it at drop off or pick up at some point.

They were indoor? You were to supervise them on the playdate.
So tell the parents in future you do CVTV.

I actually agree but felt bad saying so. My DS8 can be moody and grumpy with his friends and I’ve even had words with him about not being grumpy with guests but I cannot imagine them walking in and opening a new toy. They often have play dates in my neighbours garden in the same way and I’ve never seen them go inside (I often supervise anyway as I don’t like leaving them alone for too long) so I can see how they behave.

Wow, some posters are very determined to dissect every detail and disprove Op's version.

If you find it all so incredulous may be move on to a different thread...

And Op knows her child - I am always surprised when so many posters (presumably parents) suggest it's op's child who is lying. Present parents would be able to tell when their five year old is lying to them.

Op, I wouldn't speak to the friend's parents. The boy may apologise after a bit of thought. But it's done now. Hopefully, it can be fixed. It's annoying though. Let your eight year old decide how often he wants to be with that child - I imagine not often after what has happened.

Just had DS’s 7th birthday party last month, and more than one child tried to open presents that other children had brought for him. Which were under a table, in a gift bag, wrapped up. Another one tried to get at the cake. Another one rifled through the party bags. I ended up having to station my scary mother by that table to fend off roving little fingers. I have no problems believing that some kids would see a toy on the side and try to get at it.

Not only that but a few of the parents actually asked me to check my CCTV footage when we had a spree of random vandals keying cars in our street and local area. Lol. Pretty clear CCTV.

I would just chalk this up as poor supervision on my behalf and let it go. Next time the child was at my house I might mention to them that it wasn’t okay to take scissors out and try to open a toy as that’s not the way things are done in in this house but I wouldn’t be unkind about it. I would watch this child more closely next time though and consider whether they make bad choices like this a lot and if so I probably wouldn’t be encouraging the friendship long term.

Ok I will draft a letter tonight explaining that I have CCTV and MumChp has asked me to inform all my neighbours who have clearly seen the signs and cameras but must must MUST BE INFORMED AGAIN!

@Rubylooloo

It was accidental damage, not malicious, yes, but he's 8, he should know better than to be opening a toy that isn't his.

it wouldn't have been damaged if he wasn't misbehaving.

He wasn't invited on the playdate? I don't get it? How come he was in your house then.