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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it was a bit shit of my direct report to say this?

162 replies

SpeedbirdSquawker · 02/04/2024 12:34

I have recently started line managing a new person. My first time managing anyone and its going fine. As I will be busy in my role over the next few weeks, I scheduled a catch up with them today. They've been in their role for four weeks now, part time. I know starting a new role can be really overwhelming so I thought it would be a nice chance for a one on one check to see if they're OK and to discuss a few aspects of the future of the role as they will want to bring fresh ideas.

Well, one of the first things out of their mouth was, "its far too early to be doing this" (they meant a one to one/catch up). I replied that as I'll be busy over the next few months, I wanted to check of they were OK. Also they've been learning the new role. Lots of elements to it. I was just being nice!!! I was taken aback tbh. Am I being sensitive?

OP posts:
CloudsUnderwater · 02/04/2024 12:35

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Gowlett · 02/04/2024 12:37

I find their reply strange. If it was my boss, I’d just say yes.

Shakeyshakeyshake · 02/04/2024 12:37

I would be replying, it’s never too early!

determinedtomakethiswork · 02/04/2024 12:37

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Why would you say that? Why not say that that person she spoke to has a lot to learn about interpersonal skills and communication?

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 02/04/2024 12:37

It's not up to them to decide and it does seem like a good time to check in.

I think you are being overly sensitive. If that's the worst thing an employee has to say to you so far, you may need to toughen up.

Harvestfestivalknickers · 02/04/2024 12:38

I would have replied 'maybe for you, but not for me, your manager.'

WeeOrcadian · 02/04/2024 12:38

"it's never too early to touch base"

Original poster
SpeedbirdSquawker · 02/04/2024 12:39

I thought I was doing OK but it knocked my confidence. I do need to grow a thicker skin.

OP posts:
TraitorsGate · 02/04/2024 12:39

A month is still new to the post especially if they are part time. A catch up to ask how they are getting on is fine but I wouldn't discuss future plans just yet, they may still be settling in to the new role which they may need support with. Maybe they felt it was more convenient for you as you're going to be busy which isn't their concern and that a mutually convenient time would have been better.

Flatleak · 02/04/2024 12:39

Why would it be too early to do a 1-1, how odd! Is it normal in your role to not meet weekly/fortnightly from the beginning?

SiobhanSharpe · 02/04/2024 12:40

Make a note of the meeting. Move on.

StormingNorman · 02/04/2024 12:40

I think your report was also a bit sensitive. I’d wonder what she thought the meeting was about to warrant such a defensive attitude.

How is the relationship developing otherwise?

MurderousCheekbones · 02/04/2024 12:41

They're wrong, not you.

I have weekly catch ups with everyone on my team. It's good for them to have time for me just to listen to them, and it's good for me to catch anything I can support them better with.

If you waited until she's been in the role six months before asking how it was going you wouldn't doing your job!

LoobyDop · 02/04/2024 12:42

It’s a bit of an odd response. I have catch-ups with my team members at the end of the first week, as much to let them know I care as anything else. A month is too long for me, in case there’s been anything that needed putting right.

Original poster
SpeedbirdSquawker · 02/04/2024 12:42

I've definitely been supporting them with showing them what to do daily on various aspects of their work and then we have had a debrief after each day in the first week (work can be very pressured and we deal with sensitive stuff). I wondered if this was their way of trying to take control maybe?

OP posts:
Nagado · 02/04/2024 12:42

I’d assume they’d worked in a place where management was very hands off, or that they only ever met when assessing performance and they assumed that was the purpose of the catch up. I’d also assume their interpersonal skills needed some work.

I think 4 weeks was a perfect time to check up on them. Long enough to have given them time to get an idea of what the place is all about but early enough to catch any issues they aren’t sure about.

MumMumMumMumMumMumMum · 02/04/2024 12:42

Definitely need a thicker skin. Line managing can be totally shit!
But, their response is odd! In my company we catch up every week for the first month, then a formal probationary meeting at weeks 6 and 12 with as many informal catch up as desired. Never to early to catch up and see how things are going, it's an opportunity for two way conversation.

mrsdineen2 · 02/04/2024 12:42

Maybe you went into it expecting different things. You wanted to see how she was doing and if she needed help, but maybe she was expecting a "let's check you're doing everything right" performance review type thing, which it would be too early for.

But on another level, I'd be more concerned that if you really won't have time to do this otherwise in the next few months, how are you planning to supervise and coach her on the meantime?

ChimneyPot · 02/04/2024 12:43

That wasn’t a good start by them.

i think I would ask “Why do you think that?”

Crunchingleaf · 02/04/2024 12:44

I wouldn’t have been impressed by the comment tbh. Not everyone settles into a new role easily and if someone needs extra training or support the earlier they get it the better.

Underscored · 02/04/2024 12:44

At my workplace meetings with managers are either supervisions or reviews. Probation reviews are at 3 and 6 months, supervisions are monthly. There's no such thing as a pre-arranged meeting with a manager that isn't one of those (unless of course it's a day to day business-related matter). So I can understand if your recruit is a bit nervous if you've put a meeting in that doesn't follow the specified timescales as it might sound like you are blurring the boundaries between supervision/probation review/general chat. You might just need to clarify what the meeting is.

Original poster
SpeedbirdSquawker · 02/04/2024 12:44

StormingNorman · 02/04/2024 12:40

I think your report was also a bit sensitive. I’d wonder what she thought the meeting was about to warrant such a defensive attitude.

How is the relationship developing otherwise?

I find that they're very confident on the outside. I can see they're really not on the inside.

OP posts:
NoTouch · 02/04/2024 12:45

I don’t see how it could be too early to do an informal one-to-one catch up.

It depends on how you positioned it, was just a catch up, or was it more formal?

I don’t think it’s a good message to give a report that you will be too busy for the next few months. The message to them should always be you are always available for a catch up or to support them.

do you have scheduled in regular biweekly or monthly catch ups? these can be informal even if they’re just to find out how they’re feeling.

Remaker · 02/04/2024 12:45

Youre not being sensitive, they’re overstepping. If you want a weekly one on one you can have one.

I’d make a note of when this happened. If they are happy to be rude to you they might be rude to colleagues and clients too.

NCForQuestions · 02/04/2024 12:46

Hmm, that's a dick comment by the staff member.

However, what time was the meeting? Did it require them to travel in particularly early this morning or anything?

Did they definitely mean too early in their employment for a review or did they mean too early in the day and make a badly landing joke?