To think it was a bit shit of my direct report to say this?

[SpeedbirdSquawker]

I have recently started line managing a new person. My first time managing anyone and its going fine. As I will be busy in my role over the next few weeks, I scheduled a catch up with them today. They've been in their role for four weeks now, part time. I know starting a new role can be really overwhelming so I thought it would be a nice chance for a one on one check to see if they're OK and to discuss a few aspects of the future of the role as they will want to bring fresh ideas.

Well, one of the first things out of their mouth was, "its far too early to be doing this" (they meant a one to one/catch up). I replied that as I'll be busy over the next few months, I wanted to check of they were OK. Also they've been learning the new role. Lots of elements to it. I was just being nice!!! I was taken aback tbh. Am I being sensitive?

My husband works for a company with about 300 people at his site. They have an HR interview after one month, which I think is really good!

I'd have said "Well, I'll be the judge of that"
Although seriously, another suggestion by a PP to ask "Why do you say that?" Is a good one. It's actually very sensible to check in after about a month to see how things are going so I find their response a bit odd.

Weekly catch ups for new starters here, moving to fortnightly after the first month probation review. Then monthly after the 6 month probation ends.

Initially you're building a relationship, ensuring everyone is onboarded etc. Then training and development of skills and understanding of the role. Finally target setting and ensuring work is compliant.

Remember, it is always okay to ask anyone (especially a direct report) to clarify. It puts the emphasis on them needing to explain comments. Putting it into words can make them realise they're being a bit of a dick. It also shows you are interested in their opinion and want to understand them. Lastly, it helps clear up and misunderstandings such as a poorly delivered joke.

I am 70!! retired some 15 years ago. To me stuff like wellbeing and work life balance are essential to ensure the successful running of the organisation as well as for the good of the individual. In order to do this I have had occasion to threaten team members with a disciplinary if they did not leave the premises at their finishing time and cease visiting patients during their evenings. To be clear what they did on their own time was their own business but staying on alone in an empty building and working as NHS staff without proper personal safety precautions are both bad for the individula and for the organisation.

Weekly catch ups here for newbies at least 1st couple months, as well as monthly 1-1s and formal probation checks.. however this was all explained on 1st day/induction... Did you do that ?. Most organisations I've worked in have a fairly standard induction/onboarding process... Especially cos covid .

If you don't/didn't maybe you should make one your comfortable with and communicate it . Have you spoken to your HR? About this if you're a new manager..
Much easier to say this is the way we do things here and book it all in.
And go through the performance management process... Ongoing communication and no surprises..

To be honest I don’t know how so many posters are so confident he is out of order.

Op how did you communicate this? Face to face? Via email and how did your phrase it?

Usually in these situations the problem arises because both people have a completely different point of view of a situation.

He may have come from somewhere that doesn’t do 1-3-1s and only brings people in to tell them they ar eager. He may have thought you were actually trying to trick him into a review (I have seen ‘let’s have a 1-2-2 and catch up’ turn into ‘you aren’t doing your job and we are letting you go’ a lot of times)

I had 3 people start with me this year and no. And ever had a 1-2-1 and they are late 30s/ early 40s.

My point he responded abruptly because you both have different view, different experiences and so on. You see it as a positive thing, he sees it as negative.

Be curious and ask about his response. Explain these are to support him and so on. Even if he turns out to just be a dickhead it’s always best to start off trying to work on communication.

Being a manager will knock your confidence because there are dickheads. But you will also get stuff wrong. It’s a learning curve. No one gets it right with every person straight away. You will always be learning and improving.

Either way, this is a chance to learn. However, if you go straight in with ‘don’t back chat me’ or ‘how dare you question me’ you will just inflame the situation and make it even harder to resolve either way.

I don't think anybody suggested a "how dare you" response....only that its important to politely make clear that a request from one's line manager is not an optional invitation

There’s plenty ‘don’t tolerate back chat and that is back chat’ type comments.

Any manager that starts with that attitude is going to find themselves in plenty of sticky situations.

I love Askamanager.com. Allison is amazing with suggesting direct communication like this, ask a question then stop talking and get them answer it.

Agreed. But I do think letting someone know when they cross a line is appropriate. It’s not on for an employee to think they are setting the rules and tone.

How has it got to a point where a manager arranging any sort of check in with a new starter and that new starter replying with "its a bit early for that" is turning into a maybe it was too early in the day/maybe he's not used to this/maybe he needed to be fully briefed on what it's about/maybe he sees it as a negative?

Maybe, he should just accept his manager wants a meeting and just get on with it 🙄

What next? "Employee can you please look at <other reasonable management instruction they are perfectly capable of>"
"Sorry its too early/I'm not used to being given instructions/I need more info/sorry I see being given tasks as a negative".

What a bizarre response! What is the probation period? Presumably more than 1 month. Even if it was 6 months, I'd be wanting a monthly catch up with a new starter but would probably be having weekly catch ups in the first month having had daily ones in the first week. I want them to make sure that they have support whilst also being able to check that they are taking the right approach.

But we don’t know if they crossed a line.

Thats why I asked Op how the conversation email was worded and for more information

manager ‘I thought you might benefit from a 1-2-1. Shall we book one in.’
Employee ‘I think it’s too early for that’

In the above the employee may have thought it was an offer to take up or decline based on what they felt. That’s my point about communication. Op, could (not saying definitely) may have worded it where the employee thought the choice was definitely theirs. They may be someone who needs more direct communication.

Manager ‘You have been here 4 weeks. Now is a good time to book in our first 1-2-1, we do them regularly for everyone. This is what you should prepare and bear in mind I will be less available in the coming weeks, so it’s a chance to raise things. I will send you an invite’

Thats not a question.

No one has to be wrong or a dick or made a mistake. It’s just communication issues.

But that was my point. We don’t know enough to know whether he was refusing, misunderstood, is a dick, didn’t understand etc.

I do agree that the OP could have phrased the request better which is why I mentioned that its not a manager's job to be "nice" Unless its a VERY young employee though, "Its too early for that" is not what I would expect to hear as a manager.

Op said she scheduled it in. No reference to asking/requesting?

Your direct report was wrong to say this, but you should have set her straight.

I meet with my direct reports every week for half an hour and every month for an hour. It's a good check in point for both of us, and helps to realign if anything is not going quite as it should be.

ummmm request is a euphemism

For what? 🤣

They sound rude. You’re only seeing how they’re doing. Who are they to say it’s too early, you’re the boss! Some people …

Actually reading the op again it looks like she'd scheduled it in and DURING the chat the first thing he said is it was too early for this?

My first thought would be that you needed to be clearer about the purpose of the one-to-one, rather than saying you were getting it in early due to your forthcoming absence. 'This is a chance to get to know each other and talk about your goals, and what support you need from me as your line manager' - that type of thing. It sounds as if your direct thought it was a performance review, which it would be early days for.

What a strange organisation you must work for!

It's absolutely OK to question and challenge.

That sounds confrontational and like you are trying to catch them out, not a great way to foster good relations between managers and the people they are managing.

I see it as giving space for an answer, rather than asking a question, being unable to tolerate silence and/or listen and then asking loads of further questions before someone even tries to answer number one.

I'm a new line manager with 13 direct reports, some are nicer than others. My advice would be don't take it personally, develop a thick skin and be prepared to explain reasoning behind it. Someone else would appreciate your check in. Work together to develop a plan and don't be afraid to challenge them back. You can do everything possible for someone and they'll still be unhappy, be entitled etc