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Original poster

To think it was a bit shit of my direct report to say this?

162 replies

SpeedbirdSquawker · 02/04/2024 12:34

I have recently started line managing a new person. My first time managing anyone and its going fine. As I will be busy in my role over the next few weeks, I scheduled a catch up with them today. They've been in their role for four weeks now, part time. I know starting a new role can be really overwhelming so I thought it would be a nice chance for a one on one check to see if they're OK and to discuss a few aspects of the future of the role as they will want to bring fresh ideas.

Well, one of the first things out of their mouth was, "its far too early to be doing this" (they meant a one to one/catch up). I replied that as I'll be busy over the next few months, I wanted to check of they were OK. Also they've been learning the new role. Lots of elements to it. I was just being nice!!! I was taken aback tbh. Am I being sensitive?

OP posts:
dizzydizzydizzy · 02/04/2024 13:44

They were rude. It was an opportunity for them to share concerns, ask for opportunities etc

Leopardmatches · 02/04/2024 13:47

You said both times are new. Did the employee go for your role?

BeachBeerBbq · 02/04/2024 13:54

Were they just talking about future plans and development? Because I had to say similar to one manager when I was in brand new role which was just started so we were developing it a bit as we went and they wanted to talk future, progression and l&d 4 weeks in, when we haven't even set properly role's actual JD and processes really. Month later, I had some ideas.

PriscillaPresssley · 02/04/2024 13:58

Well yes it was a bit rude, you were doing a positive thing.

But maybe in their past role such meetings were supervisions and they misunderstood the reason for the meeting, maybe they thought they were just in the job and were getting to grips with it.

That said it was totally the wrong way to express it!

Don't let it knock your confidence and take it personally, it appears you've both been at cross purposes, but if it cropped up again and you felt disrespected I would nip it in the bud

coxesorangepippin · 02/04/2024 13:58

Omfg you need to take back control now

Too early??!

Stop the planned meetings and just random call him on Teams and say 'what's going on? What are you working on at the moment?'

No warning, nothing in the calendar

coxesorangepippin · 02/04/2024 14:00

Not sure what time that meeting was for, but if I were you I'd be having the next one even earlier

He needs to understand that he needs to meet the needs of the business, not his personal schedule

YouveGotAFastCar · 02/04/2024 14:00

AmiShitsaline · 02/04/2024 13:36

Are you sure it wasn’t early in the morning? 🤣

This is what I thought, too. I'd bet that it was a reference to an early meeting; rather than it being sooner in employment than expected.

I would never criticise the timing of a meeting, but I'm a chronic people pleaser who often has poorly timed meetings. I've found a lot of the younger people I manage are a lot more upfront about what time works better for them due to their personalities/lifestyle/etc. It's a lot more normal in younger generations, rightly or wrongly.

But even that aside - I'd bet he just wasn't a fan of a deep early meeting.

Original poster
SpeedbirdSquawker · 02/04/2024 14:04

Meeting was 11am so not early in regards to time.

OP posts:
Librarybooker · 02/04/2024 14:07

No you are not being sensitive. They are over stepping. It’s a mark against them if they back chat you and that’s back chat

KreedKafer · 02/04/2024 14:11

Their reply was pretty odd. You are their boss, and they should be having regular catch-ups with you. If anything, it's more important at the start of a new role than it is once someone's settled.

Even if they do feel no need for a one-to-one, it was bloody rude of them to say it like that. A reply like "I'm settling in pretty well and I honestly don't think I've got anything I need to ask you, so hopefully it won't take too much up your time, but I'm sure a chat would be great " would be a lot more appropriate.

Devilshands · 02/04/2024 14:22

Well, one of the first things out of their mouth was, "its far too early to be doing this" (they meant a one to one/catch up).

This means one of two things:

  1. I am a lazy bastard and don't like you checking up on me and realising I am not doing the work I should be doing.
  2. I have a problem with authority and don't like people telling me what to do.

Either way, good luck. I'd assume they'll be a pain to manage going forwards with that attitude tbh

SadMumSEN · 02/04/2024 14:27

She may well have a warped view of a 1-2-1 meeting so let it go.
Some Managers use this as an opportunity to haul people over the coals. She may not ever have had a supportive manager in her life. I still have PTSD from some of my 1-2-1s.

determinedtomakethiswork · 02/04/2024 14:31

If he says the same thing next time just say unfortunately this isn't your decision to make.

Allwelcone · 02/04/2024 14:37

BeachBeerBbq · 02/04/2024 13:54

Were they just talking about future plans and development? Because I had to say similar to one manager when I was in brand new role which was just started so we were developing it a bit as we went and they wanted to talk future, progression and l&d 4 weeks in, when we haven't even set properly role's actual JD and processes really. Month later, I had some ideas.

Agree with this. Sounds as if he may have got defensive.

It's concerning you may not have time for him over the next few weeks, does he know? if he feels this it might make him feel insecure.

1-1s should always happen regardless.

NCForQuestions · 02/04/2024 14:43

determinedtomakethiswork · 02/04/2024 14:31

If he says the same thing next time just say unfortunately this isn't your decision to make.

Don't say that😂.

Take charge here. You're the manager. I'd be setting his expectations again as it appear he has a difference of opinion on how things are going to go over this probation period. Don't let him push you without showing you aren't there to be pushed or I guarantee it will escalate. No need for anything formal, scary or
OTT, just reminding him of any timetables and expectations you have of him. Preferably in writing.

And no, 11am is definitely not too early!

OnGoldenPond · 02/04/2024 14:49

They are being very weird. When I started my latest role my line manager organised weekly one to ones for the first two months as I was settling into the role. The sessions were very helpful as I knew I had that dedicated time with them to ask questions and learn more. Much better than past roles where I have had half a day induction then been on my own!

All staff where I work routinely have monthly one to ones with line managers. It's good practice so you should give yourself a pat on the back for being a supportive manager.

justanotherrandomperson · 02/04/2024 14:50

I'd take it as a sign that this person either has trouble with interpersonal communication or is potentially going to be a problem. It was an unnecessarily argumentative thing to say to you, his new boss. You weren't in the wrong, and if he had concerns, he could have voiced them in a less stringent tone.

I would be prepared in future dealings with him that he may try to wrong-foot you again. I'd try to stay cool and professional; project confidence, even if you don't always feel it.

IMustDoMoreExercise · 02/04/2024 14:52

SpeedbirdSquawker · 02/04/2024 12:39

I thought I was doing OK but it knocked my confidence. I do need to grow a thicker skin.

They are the problem, not you.

WoollyRosebud · 02/04/2024 14:58

Oh dear, sounds like your report won’t be getting through their probationary period

Superscientist · 02/04/2024 14:59

I have had monthly 1-2-1 since month one as company policy. Sometimes there is nothing to discuss and they are over in 5 minutes. Other times they take the full half hour or overrun.
They aren't just for how I am getting on but also an opportunity for my line manager to bring more company structural things to my attention.
Warning bells would be going off for me that they see themselves more of a lone worker and your just there as a formality.

PoppingTomorrow · 02/04/2024 15:00

determinedtomakethiswork · 02/04/2024 12:37

Why would you say that? Why not say that that person she spoke to has a lot to learn about interpersonal skills and communication?

Show quote history

Both are true....

AgnesX · 02/04/2024 15:01

Where I work you get a monthly 121 starting in the first month. Tell her to get used to it 😁

TeenLifeMum · 02/04/2024 15:01

One thing my team prefers is when I say let’s have a catch up, they want me to specify topics. This comes from historically bad management and the worry they’re “in trouble”. They aren’t because they are fab.

Id be unimpressed with the individual’s response. Being new I’d expect weekly check ins as a minimum.

Cheeesus · 02/04/2024 15:02

Yeah. Perhaps you need to clarify what a 1-1 is.

LinLui · 02/04/2024 15:03

Wow. I must be a micro-manager. I have a minimum of a weekly catch up from day one with new starters! depending on the context, there may even be a daily touching of base. They have always found it helpful in settling in and learning the ropes. We usually move to less frequency when they feel confident that they are settled and happy in their role, and it's a mutually agreed thing.