To think it was a bit shit of my direct report to say this?

[SpeedbirdSquawker]

I have recently started line managing a new person. My first time managing anyone and its going fine. As I will be busy in my role over the next few weeks, I scheduled a catch up with them today. They've been in their role for four weeks now, part time. I know starting a new role can be really overwhelming so I thought it would be a nice chance for a one on one check to see if they're OK and to discuss a few aspects of the future of the role as they will want to bring fresh ideas.

Well, one of the first things out of their mouth was, "its far too early to be doing this" (they meant a one to one/catch up). I replied that as I'll be busy over the next few months, I wanted to check of they were OK. Also they've been learning the new role. Lots of elements to it. I was just being nice!!! I was taken aback tbh. Am I being sensitive?

I think it was a pretty rude thing to say. Like they are trying to lord it over you.

You had some really odd responses early in the thread. I wouldn't be at all impressed with this from a new member of staff and would be watching them more closely.

I would 100% get some management training. Not because you did anything wrong but because line management is a skill like anything else, and there's a red flag that your first report might be a difficult one.

I think this is a mismatch of what you both think the purpose of the 1 to 1 is. I actually refer to mine as "1 to 1 catch ups" rather than just "1 to 1" because it shifts the tone away from appearing to be performance management.

I'd agree that it is too early to be doing performance management, or proper goal setting. Maybe this is what they thought the meeting was, and didn't feel that they had enough time in the role to be able to contribute properly to goal setting.

I have worked in places where a request for a 1:1 basically meant you were in trouble and being put on capability and they didn't happen at all otherwise.

As a result I do find them quite stressful.

I'm aware that other workplaces do use them to actually support people.

No, I think that's inappropriate of them too, or at least doesn't say anything negative about you!

This....also its not up to managers to be "nice" its up to managers to do what is best for their area of responsibility and what they are supposed to be doing. Sometimes (hopefully most if the time) you can do it and be nice but nice is secondary to getting your job done.

I don't think its too early to be objective setting. At the early stages, the objectives might be things like taking training, shadowing colleagues, reading policies and manuals etcetera but these things still should be set as objectives with a completion date. I also think that its a good idea with a new employee or team member to start as you mean to go on in terms of working framework.

Have more confidence in yourself,op!
What you're doing is good management. 4 weeks is a good time to see how they're settling in, what more support they feel they need etc.
Their response sounds arsey. If it's too early for some things, then the meeting is the place to talk about it.

The mistake you are making is assuming the fact a person you manage says something that could be perceived as critical = you are not doing OK.

Perhaps they are wrong?

I think you do need to grow a bit of a thicker skin.

I wish you were my manager. I started a new job remotely in December and apart from an introduction I have not had any catch ups with my line manager at all.

I think they were trying to show that they don't respect you or your position as their line manager. Could be as simple as a man not liking to take direction from a woman. Don't back off and try to be 'nicer' as they will feel their comment achieved the goal of establishing dominance over you.

YANBU and my guess is that your direct report is a bloke and is trying to undermine your authority by effectively telling you how to do your job with this dicky comment. I think you'll need to be quite clear and direct with him from the start as people like this can be hard work unless very clear of the boundaries... Hold your nerve OP!

How did I even know? You’ll have to get a handle on that. Don’t let people like this undermine your confidence in yourself. You were hired for the position for good reason.

But he’s temp and on probation, right? How is his work?

I wouldn't be too impressed by you saying you would be too busy over the next few months, it would make me feel really unimportant

I think what they said was inappropriate. Arguably a bit rude or they might just be lacking in basic social skills.

But I also agree that you need to toughen up a bit. One of the things that you need to accept as a line manager is that your direct reports may often be unreasonable, even if you're doing everything "right" as a manager. People can be difficult/awkward/rude/moody/ungrateful etc. Sometimes this needs to be addressed with them, e.g. if it's impacting on their ability to do their job effectively or work well with others. Sometimes it's easier to just let it go.

As a manager, it's important to choose your battles wisely and to learn not to take everything personally!

Weekly 1:1's here. Especially for a new hire!

Note it but don't revisit it.

If he tries the passive agressive approach with you again, use any stock response like:

Why would you think that?
Can you expand on what you mean?
Can you explain that further...help me understand your thinking on that etc.

The 3 worst reports I've ever had, by far, in terms of attitude have been women, so I don't think it's as easy as it being 'a given' that it's a man.

I didn’t mean that all or most men are difficult to manage. I don’t believe that at all.

Just a guess that this was likely a man in this particular case.

I would guess they saw it as a check up not a check in. You’ve already had daily contact in the first week and presumably other contact in weeks 2-4. I bet they saw it as a performance management meeting.

I agree with this - I haven’t had a LM one to one for 7 months! My LM doesn’t understand my role though so it may have something to do with how useful these would be.

I think it depends how it was worded when you sent the invite as it might imply something more formal than you intended, in which case yes it would be too early.

I'd not be impressed by my manager essentially saying they have no time for me for the next few months either, especially if I were a new starter.

I'd just maybe consider how these things are perceived, and whether that matches your intent.

i think this depends on the generation your line manager belongs to. Although I haven’t had one to ones with mine for a long time he is very keen on Well Being and work life balance and by default that is quite ‘nice’.

If they did then its even less appropriate to have a bit of an attitude about it, as that just gives more evidence to back up any concerns.

regardless of formaily or not, if your line manager asks to see you for the first time, its not good practice to object!