To not want to share a room on holiday with MIL

[seeitthroughmyeyes]

My LT fiancé's parents kindly paid for all of us to go to new forest this year with his three nephews, sister, her husband and his parents. The three nephews are an absolute pain, they are badly behaved, rude and irritating.

I've now been told I'm no longer going to be sharing a room with my fiancé as the three boys want to share a room with their uncle. Obviously, I'm not happy sharing a room with my MIL for 4 days, although I love her to bits. I'm a grown adult.
Both my fiancé and me have agreed we no longer want to do family holidays with them because it's exhausting and we aren't exactly a big fan of children, albeit they are family.

AIBU for not wanting to share a room with my MIL and no longer wanting to participate in family holidays with them?
If so, how do we go about telling them in the future we no longer want to join without upsetting them.

Is this some kind of ploy to prevent you two having sex on holiday because you aren't actually married yet? Or to encourage the parents of the three boys to have some more sex in case of a future grand-daughter?

You have to make a stand OP, or be condemned to a lifetime of kowtowing to her!

@seeitthroughmyeyes

I did inform MIL to not book anything again without informing us. We are also going to let her know we will not be participating on family holidays as it's not something we personally enjoy. Wish me luck!!!

Don't be too (or at all) subtle. She/they will either not believe you or think you'll change your mind in future. 🌹

Room 1 - bil and his 3 dc
Room 2 - mil and sil
Room 3 - fil
Room 4 - op and.df

I wouldn't necessarily expect an egg each. She probably just brought one for the child and one for you and DH or two for you both to share.

I think you are overreacting.

Sounds like the issue is either your neohews behaviour or you just being on a different page when it comes to kids...this isn't unusual.
Rather than not going, book separate accommodation nearby and say in future you would like your own space because you need some time alone on your holiday.

If you really have to holiday all together, the best way is to book 2 holiday homes.

There are quite a lot of holiday sites where there are several cottages on the same site, so you could have a place to yourselves.

However, as you don't like the nephews, why go anyway?

How old are you?

I'm struggling to understand why you and your fiance are putting up with this.
If his brother has 3 kids, I'm assuming you are all in your 30s or older.

Since when did people your age trot along for family hols if they don't want to?

Your DF needs to put his foot down. Surely the parents must know their kids are irritating and wouldn’t want to force them on someone against their will. Just tell you DF to say no about sharing with them. Let the parents share with their annoying offspring.

Read the Ops post the holiday is a "Christmas Gift" they had no say in it.

We all teach kids to "be polite" say thanks and accept graciously. (I also teach mine they can return to shop or charity shop or sell on gifts you don't want) that's not so easy with a holiday in shared accommodation!

This is not a MiL or PiL issue - this is a DP issue.

He should have shot down any suggestion that he was going to be sharing a room with kids if you were going. Very different if you were not going to be there but as you are, you and he are a couple and HE should be saying "Sorry folks, @seeitthroughmyeyes is here and I'll be sharing my room with them. We'll catch up with you all at breakfast and throughout the stay but my room, my arrangement."

Don't go if you don't want to. I wouldn't want to be sharing with my MiL and I like my MiL! We're just very different people.

Read the Ops post the holiday is a "Christmas Gift" they had no say in it.

Doesn't mean that they have to go!

They don't need to go but it's not exactly a gift they could sell on either.

Can you imagine "We are going to sell our holiday to Bob and Husband since we can't make it, hope.you don't mind" 😂😆😱

Pretty sure the rooms would be swiftly reorganised thought

Read the Ops post the holiday is a "Christmas Gift" they had no say in it.

We all teach kids to "be polite" say thanks and accept graciously. (I also teach mine they can return to shop or charity shop or sell on gifts you don't want) that's not so easy with a holiday in shared accommodation!
@Needanewname42 I did read it.

My comments stand.

Adults are quite capable of saying they don't want to do something. Especially when she's made the request before of no family hols.

She's not a child @Needanewname42

She's an adult woman presumably in her 20s 30s or older.

I also teach my children not to give people gifts they have made clear they don't want - or to try to control what they give to please themselves.

So what if they can't sell it on?

glad to read your DF had said no to this. Otherwise I would 100 percent say don’t go! Are you prepared that they might try and spring it on you again when you arrive? Especially if they arrive before you. Your DF needs to be prepared for this and still say no

It's a bit of a non-gift isn't it really.
Hope Op and DH didn't spend a fortune at Christmas on the givers of the non-gift holiday.

Lots of great advice. My only thought: you need to be VERY firm about your boundaries with this family. You aren't even married to him yet.

How convenient 😅

as everyone said. A simple « no, thank you » should suffice and if not heard then don’t go 🤷🏼‍♀️.

You're a couple so no he doesn't have to sleep with his nephews. I'm sure they will have fun together as it is xx

I wouldn’t go. No way.
also “won’t be happening” see how long that lasts once you’re there!

Since when do children call the shots and tell adults what to do? Back in the day the rule was, ' "I want" doesn't get.'

Just because kids want things doesn’t mean they should get them. That’s so weird that they’re accommodating them sharing with uncle and separating you. You are absolutely right.

The nephews sound like entitled little brats. They need to be told "NO it's not happening", and that's it.

I wouldn’t go, just say no. It’s important to have boundaries or it will not be a nice holiday for either of you.