To not want to share a room on holiday with MIL

[seeitthroughmyeyes]

My LT fiancé's parents kindly paid for all of us to go to new forest this year with his three nephews, sister, her husband and his parents. The three nephews are an absolute pain, they are badly behaved, rude and irritating.

I've now been told I'm no longer going to be sharing a room with my fiancé as the three boys want to share a room with their uncle. Obviously, I'm not happy sharing a room with my MIL for 4 days, although I love her to bits. I'm a grown adult.
Both my fiancé and me have agreed we no longer want to do family holidays with them because it's exhausting and we aren't exactly a big fan of children, albeit they are family.

AIBU for not wanting to share a room with my MIL and no longer wanting to participate in family holidays with them?
If so, how do we go about telling them in the future we no longer want to join without upsetting them.

Shamelessly following for MILs reaction ... 😋

Just catch a dose of the squirts & sickness the day before and hide away from them all; say your too ill to travel so can’t go but wish them well & hope they have a great time x Then next year let you fiancé tell his family your not going because you want to do your own holiday abroad x

I think a balancing act would be to go for a couple of days. Family means sometimes having to step outside one's comfort zone.

Your fiancé needs to tell his family, in no uncertain terms, that either the two of you share a room or you’re not going. If he cannot do this, do not marry him.

Be sick or work emergency. No way would I give up any holiday allowance for such madness, let alone 7 days!!! Don’t bother trying to negotiate - MIL sounds deranged

No it doesn't. It doesn't mean the partner giving in to spoilt brat nephews and OP sharing a bedroom with the MIL.

Oh christ, opt out of all family holidays now! We also don't have kids and have endured a few of these with ill behaved children and rude and lazy as fuck adults. It isn't enjoyable at all. We've done the grin and bear it bit for PIL's big birthdays and then opted out completely. It isn't our thing and neither of us have any desire to endure it again! My MIL is fab though an totally gets it so hasn't made a big deal of it at all.

I mean it's the very definition of a sunk cost isn't it? There's no financial loss to the MIL if OP and/or her DP don't go.

@seeitthroughmyeyes going forward I would just say 'MIL, it's a lovely idea for us all to go away together, but you really do need to discuss dates and plans with us before you book in future. Otherwise we may not be able to come'. That is perfectly polite but also leaves the door open for you to say next year 'oh, no, sorry we can't go then'. On repeat.

It's not rocket science. Just say your non-negotiable is you and fiance sharing a room together with no one else.

I can't even comprehend how fiance is sharing a room with nephews and you with MIL.

Although I expect it has to do with money - and you're not contributing?

Sometimes you have to say no.

I'd worry it would be a miserable time tbh.

Others pissed off because Op & her fiance didn't do as they were told.

Pressure to do so...

Go and stay nearby in a B&B or a hotel. You can then control how much time you spend with them

Oh what a shame you both can’t get the time off work.

He has told his DM that it's not appropriate to share with his three nephews, but they are adamant they want to and they always get what they want. This is the reason we no longer want to participate in holidays.

Quite. But I'd be even more blunt - something along the lines of 'These children are so spoiled they are an absolute pain to be around. We have no desire to spend our holiday pandering to some brats.'

Erm, if you are not married she isn't your MIL...

I was wondering that as well, it did say parents in op.

Seriously? Thats what you took from the thread ? Geez Louise…

It sounds mad. No one books up my precious holidays without my permission. My time is more important than someone else's money. You don't get to control my free time because you've spent some money. I'm not a slave. I'd get angry at that scenario. The bedroom thing is ridiculous and would be a definite no. Bizarre future MIL wants to go on holiday with her ex. Have neither of them moved on? You couldn't pay me to go on this holiday. It would put me off my fiance if his family thought my time could be bought and I'd just sleep where I'm told like a good servant

As the holiday isn't really for your benefit I'd not go. It sounds an awful holiday. Your fiance can go if he wishes.

He has told his DM that it's not appropriate to share with his three nephews, but they are adamant they want to and they always get what they want.

This is the line he needs to stick to - it's not appropriate - rumour has it wee boys wanted to sleep in Michael Jacksons bedroom, then he was accused of indecency. His name will always be under a cloud. Your DP cannot allow himself to be in that position.

Safeguarding isn't just about protecting children, it's also about making sure adults aren't leaving themselves open to accusations.

Kids shouldn't be rulingthe roost on something like this. Let MIL share her room with them. Ludicrous if your fiance doesn'tstick up for you against his Mother - doesn't augur well for your future with him on the fence between you2 !

Just don’t go. You were not given the chance to even say if you could or could not go so you are all being manipulated.

I would spend the week at home with my fiancé in our house instead. Or go to work and book different days off and have a nice alternative holiday just the two of you.

Firstly I would be slightly miffed that they book a holiday every year as a gift so you can't opt out. It's sneaky. Secondly, absolutely not. Why would a grown man want to share a room with three children. No thanks. I would be tempted to have turned down the holiday, or bail last minute - sickness bug!

I am wondering how you would all fit in if you were not sharing with her? Sister/DH = 1 double, grandpa = 1 single, nephews/fiance =dorm of some sort?, you/MIL = twin. If you share with fiance, then grandpa would have to share with nephews, so MIL has her own room. If Sister shares with MIL (presumably her mother?) then DH would have to share with nephews ( presumably his own children?
I guess sister/DH do not want to share with their own kids but palm them off on to your fiance for some private time
I assume that MIL/FIL are aware that you 2 do sleep together?

If you can possibly afford it then I think you should book your own accommodation nearby. Hopefully a nice romantic lodge. This would be the chance to say that you have booked it because also that you would prefer your own space on holiday but will meet up with them.

You can then have nice mornings and evenings in your own place and just meet up with them for activities/lunch etc.

Dont go. Just say you’re dont have enough leave.