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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Still out 14 hours later on a BH

400 replies

OneWildLemonSnake · 01/04/2024 22:25

AIBU.....
Me and my partner have been together 5 years. It's quite toxic and he has issues when he drinks with taking other substances, cheating and just being a general git!
It was my daughters birthday this weekend (not his child) and he had the hump we were going out today for the day.
He got up and left the house at 9am, hardly spoke to me.
We left at about 12 and came home around 630pm, he still wasn't home.
She has now gone to her dads, and he still isn't home, he hasn't messaged me at all today - its now 1030pm so almost 14 hours later.
He also has to get up for work at 4am, I know he is out drinking and probably taking drugs.
AIBU to think he's out of order for not even messaging me to say if he is coming home or not and safe?
I also have to get up for work, but he has taken the car I :-(

OP posts:
AmandaHoldensLips · 02/04/2024 12:51

Is he actually packing up his stuff or just hiding and pretending this isn't happening?

Original poster
OneWildLemonSnake · 02/04/2024 12:51

crumblingschools · 02/04/2024 12:49

People are wondering whether he was driving as you said he had taken the car which you needed in the morning and he needed to be at work at 4am, so assumption is that he would be bringing the car home

Yes he took the car at 9am, and wasn't back by 1030 - meaning I wasn't able to get to work

OP posts:
Original poster
OneWildLemonSnake · 02/04/2024 12:53

crumblingschools · 02/04/2024 12:51

@OneWildLemonSnake can you categorically say he has never driven under the influence of either drink or drugs

Well he has never driven the car home, but no I can't say categorically as I am not with him!!!
Are you police or something.... so interested lol

OP posts:
AngelQuartz · 02/04/2024 12:54

Great update OP, good for you! 💐

Make sure he leaves you his key. I’d probably arrange for the locks to be changed as well just as a precaution.

Once his ass is out the door block his number and any social media profiles he has.

Take some time for yourself now and work on getting that self esteem and self worth where it should be. & hopefully you’ll be able to mend any bridges with friends❤

crumblingschools · 02/04/2024 12:54

You seem to be defending him, why is that?

FlissyPaps · 02/04/2024 12:56

crumblingschools · 02/04/2024 12:54

You seem to be defending him, why is that?

Where has she defended him????

Ohlookwhoitis · 02/04/2024 12:57

crumblingschools · 02/04/2024 12:54

You seem to be defending him, why is that?

Don't be ridiculous. Where has she defended him?

PinkyFlamingo · 02/04/2024 12:59

Hoppinggreen · 02/04/2024 09:48

I am concerned about her daughter who doesnt have a choice in whether to have this loser in her life

Show quote history

Her daughter is 25!

PinkyFlamingo · 02/04/2024 13:00

crumblingschools · 02/04/2024 12:54

You seem to be defending him, why is that?

Not sure what thread you're reading?!

Justgorgeous · 02/04/2024 13:01

Christ. Some people are so dim and literally can’t/wont try and read. Good luck on your new chapter, OP. Hope he goes quickly and you can move forwards with peace and happiness.

crumblingschools · 02/04/2024 13:01

OP seems to be very pissed off when anyone suggests he may have been driving under the influence

NotStayingIn · 02/04/2024 13:02

God this thread is painful. How many times do we need to read the same histrionics about the poor ‘child’ being subjected to this.

Anyway, great news OP that you’ve asked him to leave. You will be so much better off without this waste of space. Good luck and huge congrats!

iwafs · 02/04/2024 13:03

Get rid of this cunt

TheSilenceofTheMajority · 02/04/2024 13:03

Why are you with him?

Why do so many women have their standards on the floor? Fuck me these posts are depressing.

AngelQuartz · 02/04/2024 13:04

crumblingschools · 02/04/2024 13:01

OP seems to be very pissed off when anyone suggests he may have been driving under the influence

No she doesn’t. She just can’t prove he has/is because she isn’t physically with him in the car.

Strange comment. She’s most likely very pissed off at all the daft posters on here who don’t bother to read updates and the facts. The facts being her DD is 25 and has never lived with her mums now ex partner.

Original poster
OneWildLemonSnake · 02/04/2024 13:08

crumblingschools · 02/04/2024 13:01

OP seems to be very pissed off when anyone suggests he may have been driving under the influence

Not pissed off at all,, and not defending him at all!

OP posts:
Original poster
OneWildLemonSnake · 02/04/2024 13:09

TheSilenceofTheMajority · 02/04/2024 13:03

Why are you with him?

Why do so many women have their standards on the floor? Fuck me these posts are depressing.

I'm not any longer, if you cared to read on......

OP posts:
Original poster
OneWildLemonSnake · 02/04/2024 13:10

iwafs · 02/04/2024 13:03

Get rid of this cunt

I have x

OP posts:
OnGoldenPond · 02/04/2024 13:10

OneWildLemonSnake · 01/04/2024 23:26

He is 46 acts like he is 20 still!
I have a door that you can't leave the key in unfortunately otherwise I would!
He is definitely going tomorrow, I will have no car to get to work but that's the hold he has over me.... so be it!!
Better to be rid of him, he brings nothing to my life, just grief all the time :-(

Change the locks. Buy a cheap runaround if you need a car for work. Don't let him back in.

PyongyangKipperbang · 02/04/2024 13:11

He has no family he speaks to?

I wonder why! Probably because he is "that" person....Uncle Knobhead who ruined every single family party by getting steaming drunk, taking drugs and trying to get off with the party hosts best friend or daughter .....

Yes, I am projecting as this is my ex BIL and oddly enough, no one speaks to him anymore either. In fact if it werent for the fact that I know he was recently chucked out of his latest victims house and is back with his dad, I would wonder if its the same bloke! In his 50's with almost nothing to his name as all his money went on his benders and he moved in with women with their own homes.

The reason he will be sulking and being all quiet, followed by the inevitable promises of stopping the benders etc is because he is panicking as he has no one left he can leech off. Well aint that just tough titties....not your problem.

Original poster
OneWildLemonSnake · 02/04/2024 13:11

crumblingschools · 02/04/2024 13:01

OP seems to be very pissed off when anyone suggests he may have been driving under the influence

And just to make it clear, if he had turned up or I saw he was driving under the influence of either drink or drugs, I would be the first to report it!

OP posts:
Iaskedyouthrice · 02/04/2024 13:13

Has he gone? What did he have to say? Or is he loitering until you fold?

Strugglingtodomybest · 02/04/2024 13:13

TheSilenceofTheMajority · 02/04/2024 13:03

Why are you with him?

Why do so many women have their standards on the floor? Fuck me these posts are depressing.

If you genuinely care to know why so many women have their standards on the floor, why don't you do some internet research on the affects of abuse? There's plenty out there.

Also, well done OP for deciding to get rid of him, congratulations for taking the first step to a brighter future!

Vive42 · 02/04/2024 13:27

so glad you are getting rid of him. You’re worth so much more OP.

Get him gone today!!

He sounds like a thorn in your side. Not a life partner at all.

Prelapsarianhag · 02/04/2024 13:29

It is astonishing how many posters seem unable to read. Well done OP - hope you have a great life without that loser.