To not wait with my wife for her message?

[Cnthnfne]

I’ll keep this brief: I (38M) was shopping with my wife (36F) and children (DS9 & DD7). After we had done most of our shopping, DW wanted to get a massage at a massage stall.

As we joined the queue, I asked DD is she wanted to wait in the queue with DW or if she wanted to visit a few shops with me & DS.
She said she’d wait with DW and I went off to another shop with DS.

After 5 mins, DW phoned me and said she wanted to go home: after 5 mins of waiting DD became bored and starter complaining about the wait and DW left the queue.

When I got back to them, DW was raging, annoyed at me for not staying and waiting with her. I offered to wait in line for her whilst she shopped but DW just walked off, towards the car park.

the journey back was in complete silence. She has been felling unwell lately, and perhaps I should have been more thoughtful but I feel her walking off and then it not talking to me is an overreaction.
we had some days book off this week but I fear they will be wasted as she’ll be in a foul mood.

All I can think of is how massively unrelaxing a massage would be at a stall in the middle of a busy shopping mall!
Is she usually prone to being moody for days after such a minor incident?
If so I'd consider having a serious talk. Does she need counselling? It's not fair for your partner to make you feel like walking on egg shells.
Could you set some time aside where you can both go for a pre-booked massage. Do you have people who can mind the kids?

She's not annoyed you didn't wait with her, but that you left with one child, leaving the other with her.
DD was always going to get bored and your wife had to give up her place in the queue.
She didn't want you to wait in the queue either.

She just wanted to wait in the queue alone in peace.

The stall was very busy, hence the drama.
yes, she can be moody for a while. I have apologised but it’s cut no ice.

She sounds nuts.

I did try and take DD with me but she wanted to stay with my wife.

And? What did your wife want? Even if she agreed I would still be pee'd off to waste my time queueing only to have to give up because the kids were whining.

Sometimes you have to tell kids what is happening not let them call the shots.

Can’t imagine anything less relaxing than a massage on a busy stall with lots of people waiting …! But I know that isn’t really the issue. Maybe offer to look after the dc another time so she can book herself in somewhere else as a treat?

You should have taken both DC

It’s up to you and your DW where the kids go, personally I wouldn’t have given her the choice. There’s a time and place to offer flexibility.

Being moody for days seems an overreaction. I personally wouldn’t have the patience for her poor behaviour.

She hugely overreacted, and the fact she will be moody for days is concerning. Not a nice way to treat someone - as another poster said, you shouldn't have to walk on eggshells around her. If this is her normal reaction to minor things, she doesn't sound pleasant at all.

Go goes out with heir children and has a massage?! How selfish of her to expect her children and husband to hang around.

I would not have waited or expected someone else to.

She's nuts, no way would I hang around whilst DH has a massage.

What would have happened when your wife got to the front of the queue? Was your daughter supposed to just stand there alone? What if she had run off?
This whole thing is so weird.

Sounds like this is the case.

Did your wife give any indication that she wanted you to take dd as well?

I’m sure your DW is capable of saying to your DD “no dear, you go with your dad while I wait here” if she really wanted to wait alone in the queue. You’re not a mind reader. And in her shoes, I’d have told your bored DD to suck it up and wait for you to come back while I rang you, rather than leave the queue. And I’d be reminding your DD that she chose to wait there and she’ll not die of boredom after 5mins of waiting. At 7, unless there’s SEN, she should understand that.
christ, what a lot of overreaction.

Going to offer another viewpoint. She sounds like a woman on the very end of her tether, wanted to do one nice thing for herself and you didn't help her to make it happen.
I would book her a lovely massage on one of the days off. Talk to her and find out how she is feeling at the moment. If this behaviour is out of the normal for her, just be there for her.

I have to agree with this. It sounds such an overreaction. If she wanted you to take both kids she should have specified that.

You hardly need to apologise. Really if your wife wants a massage she should take herself there. Seems ridiculous that you all hang about.

If your wife wants to get a massage just take both children off her hands it's not up to DD

It should have been obvious that you needed to take both children as there'd be no-one to manage children while she was having her massage.

It sounds like a situation that could have gone either way.
Your wife is so upset because her needs arent being met.

Could you book her a surprise massage one of the days off you both have while you have the kids?

She just sounds moody and taking out her disappointing massage attempt on the family. Tbh it was a bad choice to start with - how can a massage in those circumstances ever be relaxing ?!
You should have just insisted daughter came with you but it was a minor mistake really.
If you really want to get in her good books , book her a proper massage somewhere nice.

I think the story around this is important, has your wife been looking after family all Easter, doing everything for everyone and she desperately needed 30 minutes to herself? Was it this one situation that is actually loaded with the fact she hasn’t had a break for weeks. If that’s it take the kids so she can have some time to have a massage on your days off. If that’s not the case it seems like an overreaction.

Yup, another vote for you should have taken both dc.