To not wait with my wife for her message?

[Cnthnfne]

I’ll keep this brief: I (38M) was shopping with my wife (36F) and children (DS9 & DD7). After we had done most of our shopping, DW wanted to get a massage at a massage stall.

As we joined the queue, I asked DD is she wanted to wait in the queue with DW or if she wanted to visit a few shops with me & DS.
She said she’d wait with DW and I went off to another shop with DS.

After 5 mins, DW phoned me and said she wanted to go home: after 5 mins of waiting DD became bored and starter complaining about the wait and DW left the queue.

When I got back to them, DW was raging, annoyed at me for not staying and waiting with her. I offered to wait in line for her whilst she shopped but DW just walked off, towards the car park.

the journey back was in complete silence. She has been felling unwell lately, and perhaps I should have been more thoughtful but I feel her walking off and then it not talking to me is an overreaction.
we had some days book off this week but I fear they will be wasted as she’ll be in a foul mood.

Thread a few weeks ago about the male teacher who stabbed his gf to death in the street had loads of pondering about his mental health and what led up to it. Ie what she did to deserve it. Here an unwell woman - in op's words - loses it with her husband at half term in a shopping centre and gets called 'an absolute bitch', 'scum' and unattractive less than 100 messages in. Interesting.

Or sometimes, as an adult you use your voice instead of your psychic abilities 🙄
Sje sounds annoying

Don’t be daft, that’s too much like a real life expectation. Don’t you know this is Mumsnet? Less logic and reasoning and more fire and pitchforks please!

Thats what happens when you give a child choice & control!

If you had taken parental control, and said, “ Right kids, let’s go and leave your mum in peace to get a massage. “ There would not have been an issue.

Yes, this is what I should have done.

it was one of those 5-10 minute massages, when you sit on a chair.

She could also have done this. Ie, "Kids, please go off with your father."

She's not a damsel in distress, or at least only has herself to blame if she is.

This. I wouldn't have waited around either.

Yep ditto.

I wouldn't have queued on my own, or with anyone else, at the end of a shopping trip.

I wouldn't have allowed my partner to wander off with only one child.

If I'd been daft enough to let him wander off with only one child, at the first sign of antsy behaviour from the child I'd be on the phone telling him to come and collect her.

But, most of all, I blame the stall for being there and being enticing.

You mean like telling them “I know you’re bored, but you had the choice to go with your dad and you said you wanted to stay here, so tough luck”?

I don't think this is about the massage, it sounds like something more than this.

First of all lance that boil. Book her a massage on a day you know she can have a break. If she fusses you can say, you have it all in hand.

Hopefully when she has had some alone time to decompress you can have a proper chat about what is wrong and how you can help change it.

Good Luck!

You said you gave your dd a choice. I’d be annoyed too. Maybe she thinks you always put the kids before her?

If this is the case then OPs wife should’ve made this clear!!

Can't change what has already happened now, she should have said DD should go with Daddy.

If she still upset, just give her a good massage after the kids has gone to bed tonight.

If she still upset, just give her a good massage after the kids has gone to bed tonight.

After her silent treatment? You have got to be joking.

Why is it the husband’s responsibility to take command of a situation his wife created? So many posts saying he should have taken daughter. The wife can’t be annoyed that her husband didn’t tell her daughter to stick with him if that’s what she wanted as she should have made that clear.
It sounds like she’s just taking annoyance out on you as daughter’s moaning stressed her but it’s not your fault and totally ott for this bad mood to last days.

She’s 7! You should have told her she was going with you and DS to look at a different shop. Who wants a massage with a kid at side of them, you wouldn’t fully relax because you’d have to be checking their still in the room and aren’t wandering.

She should have insisted your DD went if she didn't want to deal with her.

She should have told your DD to wait nicely in queue and you'd come back for her.

She chose to leave the queue. We've all queues with bored children before

Your wife is behaving badly not you so don't apologise.

However assuming you're more interested in having a happy marriage than being right ask yourself this question; does she have form for being unreasonable then sulking and punishing me for getting her way? Is this unwarranted behaviour from her?

If yes you need to speak to your wife when things have calmed down. Ask her what sort of a relationship she wants. Tell her clearly you are not there for her to take things out on.

If no then book her a proper massage and tell her the kids are sorted and she doesn't need to worry. Let her know you appreciate her and that you're a team.

Good luck.

It’s not your fault that she expected you to mind read and take control over a situation that she was more than capable of taking control of herself.

The silent treatment is not an ok way for her to deal with her disappointment.

This 👆

My husband was putting the kids to bed last night. I’ve had them for the past four days. He was like, our littlest wants you to do it, so I can’t.

Super annoying. We should be instructing the situation.

Unless wife used her voice to say what she wanted, this is on her not OP, and the silent treatment and sulking afterwards is not OK.

I (38M) was shopping with my wife (36F) and children (DS9 & DD7)

I'm sorry, but how is all this ^^ information relevant to your story?

Has this been lifted from somewhere else?

If this post was the other way round and the Op was a woman saying her husband had wanted a massage the replies would be very different!! He’d be called all the names under the sun for wanting a massage during ‘family time.’ I’m female but sometimes think men can’t win on here!

There was a post yesterday where the OPs male partner was giving her the silent treatment (as well as using abusive language) and there was a massive pile on to the OP, so I wouldn't be too sure about that.