To not want to pay for my bridesmaid dress?

[MrsB777]

I've been asked to be a bridesmaid for two weddings this year, both of which I need to purchase my own dress for. The dresses that have been chosen range from £100-130.

AIBU to think that if someone asks me to be in their wedding, then they should pay for the dress? I've been a bridesmaid previously and the bride bought my dress.

I’ve never bought my own dress and my bridesmaids didn’t buy theirs either. If I wanted a certain dress then it was up to me to buy it. I’ve bought my own shoes before but the brief was black shoes. If I had some already I could have worn those but I didn’t. Same for my bridesmaids they chose and bought their own shoes but I was happy for them to wear anything they liked. I wanted them to be comfortable.

Can't afford it. Sorry. Thank you for the kindness understanding this.

Would be my answer.

Yes, they should pay so I guess it’s a way to offload their wedding budget onto others. I paid for my bridesmaids dresses and told them to do whatever they liked with them afterwards - even sell them for their own profit if they wished.

Up to you if you can afford it, or whether the dresses have possible good re-sell value. Decline the role if it’s too much and if they ask, politely say why.

Tradition is that bridesmaids pay for their own dress.

Being a bridesmaid is fucking expensive.

I have always had dresses bought for me when I've been a bm... even when the dresses were relatively plain and i was able to wear them again. So i agree i think its weird.
But if they are good friends and you can afford it i would probably just pay for my own and not say anything.

I’ve been a bridesmaid 3 times, have never bought my own dress. People shouldn’t have bridesmaids if they can’t afford them.

Decline. Why should u pay for something that i probably will never wear again. CF

I paid for my bridesmaids' dresses at my wedding because I picked them. So I agree YANBU.

I haven’t heard that? I bought my dresses for my bridesmaids and when I was a bridesmaid my friend bought mine.

Not in the UK it isn't

I would decline unless it was my choice of dress that I actually would wear again not just keep I'm my cupboard for a what if occasion

You'll know doubt be expected to pay for hair, make up, shoes, bag, overnight hotel, gift and then of course hen dos and attending wedding events

Is it?

I've never paid for my bridesmaid dresses (though I've only been a bridesmaid twice). I also paid for the bridesmaids' dresses for my own wedding. I thought that was the done thing.

YABNU. If someone asks you to be their bridesmaid then they should pay (and that includes makeup and hair as well if that's what they want). Only have the number of bridesmaids you can afford to pay for. I would politely decline and say thank you but I'd prefer to be a guest and if pushed then explain why.

I'd say I'd I buy the dress that'll be my present to you. I can't afford dress and present.

I absolutely paid for my bridesmaids' dresses. Flower girls too.

Ive never been a bridesmaid (but am at two upcoming later this year) and have not bought the dresses just had measurements etc.

when we went bridesmaid shoe shopping all together for one lot i expected we would each at least purchase the shoes but again, this was again bought for by the bride.

it does seem an off load, id understand you paying if it was a sort of “buy your own dress but in a certain colour/style” where there’s more freedom and can budget accordingly and have been to weddings where that was the case and some bought theres for £15 and some for more but to be expected to buy that specific dress seems a bit excessive. I understand the costs of weddings can be a lot but YANBU especially in a cost of living situation

YANBU we're not the US.
My BM's paid but they insisted and also got me presents. I was prepared to pay. At least I bought all their jewellery.

Nasty American habit bought into by brides who want a bigger wedding than they can afford.
You want people to be part of your day, you pay for them. Don't expect them to subside your wedding.

I think its absolutely outrageous of brides to ask people to be their bridesmaid and not pay for the shit they have to wear. If you can't afford to pay for a dress, shoes, hair whatever then don't have the bridesmaids.

If they expect you to spend £100 on a dress you can't choose and will never wear again, that is unreasonable. Could you buy one dress that would suit both weddings that was within your budget? Tell the bride if you need to wear something specific she'll have to hire or buy it.
She could rudely withdraw your bridesmaid duties, but if I were you I'd be relieved.

And the best answer.

These days being a member of the wedding party seems to be a poisoned chalice. Far better to just be a guest.

Dear tight bride, I’m going to have to bow out of being your bridesmaid. When I agreed I was under the assumption that you would be paying for the outfit. As the dress will be £100 and there will be shoes and hair make up etc I think that amount will be more. I’m very much looking forward to your special day and can give you a hand if needed.

Tradition is that bridesmaids pay for their own dress

It's not. Over a period of 25 years I've been a bridesmaid 9 times and never once paid for my dress. I had 4 bridesmaids and I paid for their dresses.

When my dds got married they paid for their bridesmaids dresses.

I think it's tradition that the bride pays.

My daughter was "sacked" from being a bridesmaid and banned from the wedding after she had to say to the bride she couldn't afford what she was planning. Dress was specified and £300. Shoes were specified and £50 then hair and make up was being specified and booked. On top of that was £1000 for a 4 days hen party and then 2 nights in the wedding hotel. She said to bride she couldn't afford all of that, bride lost her shit and they haven't spoken since. Such a shame and a waste of a very long friendship.

YANBU, you shouldn't have to pay for anything the bride insists on.