To not want to pay for my bridesmaid dress?

[MrsB777]

I've been asked to be a bridesmaid for two weddings this year, both of which I need to purchase my own dress for. The dresses that have been chosen range from £100-130.

AIBU to think that if someone asks me to be in their wedding, then they should pay for the dress? I've been a bridesmaid previously and the bride bought my dress.

Only once a bridesmaid. (late 1970s) I chose and bought the material ,made the dress. Bride approved material and pattern. I am and was a good dressmaker so was a no brainer to do this as I had the skills.

You really shouldn’t have to buy the dress at all, but if you do you should at least get to chose it so it’s something within your budget and something you can wear again.
I’d either bow out of bridesmaid duty and explain why, or say that the dress will be your gift to them.

Not in this country it’s not! In USA and maybe other countries but not in UK.

Traditionally British brides pay for the BMs’ outfits but keep the numbers down.

American brides have at least 10 and make them pay for their outfits, makeup, etc, themselves. At best they may be more flexible on the outfit.

Not in the UK it's not

Good point PP made about the switch to adult bridesmaids instead of kids. It’s more expensive re dress and hair and makeup. But even so, I’ve never paid for a BM dress myself and when I got married, paid for them too. It’s cheeky not to!!

We gave our daughter a lump sum to pay for her wedding. She bought the bridesmaid dresses, shoes, jewellery hair and makeup.

She also paid for groom's, groomsmen's, father's and father in law's suits, shirts, ties, socks, shoes. They weren't hired.

It seems to be in the US where they seem to have a huge entourage, but in all my friends and family, the bride has paid.

Usually the bridesmaids pay for their shoes

Thank God all of my friends have sisters. Never been a bridesmaid.

Agree.

This is ridiculous.

If someone asks you to be bridesmaid, then THEY pay for the dress, especially if they're stating which dress you have to buy!! Making you pay for your own bridesmaid dress is beyond ridiculous!

Personally I'd just let them know that you don't have that sort of money to spend on a dress that you'll never wear again, so unfortunately you won't be able to be bridesmaid, or perhaps if you have to pay for it, you can choose a dress that you'd wear again.

I paid for my Bridesmaid dresses at my wedding & matching necklaces, bracelets for them (Phase9 so not diamond jewellery lol) they bought the shoes

Not in the UK, the bride (or her parents) should pay for the dresses.

In USA when I was a BM there (I’m British) I had to pay for my dress (Laura Ashley wine velvet number thankfully available in UK!) plus everything else including flight to USA. I almost thought about declining but I had no accommodation costs and thankfully bride paid for everything else once I was there (meals out etc). Once when she became a mum (SAHM) she got a bit pissy about almost always paying for stuff (despite me trying to pay and her declining my offer) but apart from when we were both 20 and she visited London it was always me going to see her although I did invite her over with her family. I reminded her of this and she shut up.

At her wedding she had 4 groomsmen and 4 BMs, one of whom was her sister and one of the groomsmen was her DH’s brother.

Your poor girl. I’d have been absolutely murderous. Not sure I’d have kept my mouth shut 🤐

I’ve always known it to be that if the bride chooses the dress, the bride pays.

I've never heard that - at all weddings where I was a bridesmaid the bride paid for the dresses/shoes/hair/nails etc and bridesmaids organised the hen do and paid for decorations and the bride's share of any hen costs. With my wedding my bridesmaids were very different shapes so I gave them a budget and told them to choose a dress that would suit them within a colour scheme, they sent me the link and I ordered them

Bride buys the dress.

In which country? In the uk the bride pays for them

Asking BMs to pay for their own dresses or anything else you require is outrageously rude and certainly not a tradition in the U.K.

I’ve been a BM 5 times and had 5 of my own bridesmaids.

I paid for BMs:

• dresses
• hair and make up
• dinner the night before the wedding plus their hotel rooms
• flowers

Same was done for me each time I was a BM

I also bought them bridesmaid gifts.

They bought their own /wore their own shoes.

I agree with this approach.

I've been a bridesmaid twice before and have never been expected to pay for the dresses.
I think that's bad form actually.

No its not!

Traditionally the Bride pays for the bridesmaids dresses.

no it isn't

Not usual in the UK.

I’m in the UK, been a bridesmaid 5 times and never been asked to pay for the dress.

Like what other’s have said, if they want you in the wedding party then you would expect the bride/groom to pay. I think in the USA it’s more common for the bridesmaids to buy their own dresses.