To not want to pay for my bridesmaid dress?

[MrsB777]

I've been asked to be a bridesmaid for two weddings this year, both of which I need to purchase my own dress for. The dresses that have been chosen range from £100-130.

AIBU to think that if someone asks me to be in their wedding, then they should pay for the dress? I've been a bridesmaid previously and the bride bought my dress.

Just going to be about the 50th person to quote this and say nope, definitely not the tradition in the UK!

Bride pays, that’s the tradition.

OP were either of the brides your bridesmaids?

It’s definitely not tradition in the UK for bridesmaids to pay. I paid for mine and it didn’t even enter my head that it would be any other way!!

That being said, I do remember being a bridesmaid some years ago. I’m only 5ft and the bride had picked a full length dress, so it needed taking up. I had my alterations done at the same place as the bride at the same time and but I couldn’t be there to collect, so she picked both up then called me and said “By the way, the alterations were £70 so just pay me when you next see me” I was honest and said that I wasn’t expecting to pay, considering the full length dress wasn’t my choice and it would obviously have needed to be taken up for me. It went backwards and forwards and I eventually received a text saying that she’d spoken with her husband and they had “moved some money around to make it work”!! Luckily that was the end of it but when I do remember it I’m still a bit miffed!!

Hell no.

You can’t ask someone to be a bridesmaid and then ask them to pay for their own dress, of your choosing. What madness is this? That’s never been the tradition in the UK, and long may it stay away.

If at a pinch you can’t afford BM dresses (and the rest of the wedding is fairly budget so as to make this reasonable) you let the BMs wear a dress of their choosing.

@RoderickHosclassicblackhoodie

RoderickHosclassicblackhoodie · Today 16:46
Tradition is that bridesmaids pay for their own dress.

Being a bridesmaid is fucking expensive.

That is untrue!! It was never the tradition!! The tradition was that the bride bought the bridesmaid dress and shoes and also paid for her hairdo. this bridesmaid paying for her own dress is actually relatively new! bride and bridesmaid also did their own make up. no one did it for them or paid for it to be done!

?????

Not here it isn't!

The whole 'do fuck all' 'it's your day' 'people just want to be there for you' mentality Is relatively modern way to spread your money further & save a ton on actually paying for your wedding since it's no longer common or affordable for most parents to fund it

Don't be silly.

I thought the accepted rule was: bride chooses the dress - bride pays, bridesmaid chooses dress - bridesmaid pays.

Since when? I've never heard of that.

I paid for the dresses, hair and make up. They paid for shoes (of their choice so they could be worn again, dresses were floor length so not seen in pics) and is the case for anyone I've known married/been a bridesmaid.

It's a trend to ask bridesmaids to do this.

I'd say thanks but no thanks @MrsB777 but offer to help out as it sounds like you are close.

Hope you enjoy the wedding as a guest x

In America yes in the UK no it's not usually the bride pays for the dress.

OP if your in the UK politely decline!

I'm bridesmaid next month and the bride is paying for everything, except shoes. This has always been the way whenever I've been bridesmaid in the past also.

One bride did specify we had to have specific hair and make up from specific MUAs and hairstylists. My hair is a nightmare and I have a stylist I use if I ever need one, I told her that if I'm paying then I'm using my own stylist. She ended up paying.

I'd possibly pay for a dress if it was a very rough guide, e.g. cocktail dress in blue or whatever but if there are very specific requirements then it's rude to expect the bridesmaid to pay.

Good for you sticking to your guns that’s shocking she expected you to foot the alterations bill!

I would politely decline

If it's a designated dress bride pays. If it's 'anything of your choice that's eveningish in this colour' it can be bm as they can buy a dress they can rewear

Tradition in the UK absolutely dictates that the bride / her family would pay for the bridesmaid dresses.

I have been a bridesmaid 11 times in the UK (lot of cousins + I’ve been lucky to meet a bunch of brilliant women in life on top)…

the only one that I bought my own dress for was a friend on a total shoestring - she asked if we wouldn’t mind buying a dress we’d wear again from a colour pallet - of course not a problem - we also all put together a potluck / bring-a-bottle back garden party and had a blast.

If someone is truly on a budget and asks you to choose a dress like that I don’t think it’s a problem at all.

if someone is prescribing exactly what you must wear + insisting you pay for it as a way to save money for a fancier honeymoon or so they can wear Vera wang they couldn’t otherwise afford? That’s insanely tacky.

Since when? I have never heard of a Bridesmaid buying her own dress. When i married i paid for the dresses, when my Daughter married (twice) she bought the bridesmaids dress and shoes.

Sorry, I mean it's never been tradition that bridesmaids pay 🤣

That's a redefinition of the word 'tradition' - "the transmission of customs or beliefs from generation to generation".

This is a very new imposition on the members of the wedding party, really only since the (actual) tradition of the the bride's parents footing the bill died out. The costs still have to be shouldered, but some brides&grooms want a fancier wedding than they can afford, hence their determination that everyone should chip in.

It sucks, and I'd be declining their invitation to be a bridemaid - 'Thank you for asking me, but unfortunately I cannot afford the costs of accepting.'

I'd politely decline. I agree with all the others that the bride pays for her bridesmaids dresses. I don't want to spend money on a dress/shoes/etc that I'll never wear again.

It's extremely rude and bad mannered to immediately assume someone is going to contribute a specified amount of money to YOUR big day.

I intended to buy my bridesmaids only had 2 cos of covid restrictions but one of them offered to buy them both for me and insisted.
I gave them a colour and said sort between yourselves weat what you're comfortable in.

The one who paid tried hers and got it altered to fit her, the other tried hers on less than a week before the wedding and it was too small and wanted me to pay for a new one, she was told to replace herself or don't be a bridesmaid my other friend had spent alot of money on a now wasted dress she ended up buying her own and the first went to waste she never offered to pay my other bridesmaid back.

I paid for their
Shoes
Hair
Makeup
Bags
Hotel with their own husbands for 2 nights

Had my first friend not offered to buy the dresses I'd have absolutely bought them & had she not waited so long I'd have sorted hers out but not when she had taken the p*ss

I wouldn't be too upset about paying for my own but not if I was also paying for everything else I needed as a bridesmaid

The only time I’ve ever paid for a bridesmaids dress was when the bride literally didn’t care what I wore (I could have turned up in jeans and a jumper and she’d have been happy just to have me there) but I used it as an excuse to buy a vintage sundress I’d had my eye on (and was probably going to buy anyway…) - even then the bride tried to pay me back for it (which I refused as it was entirely my choice to buy it in the first place).

I paid for my 3 bridesmaid dresses at my wedding. I think if they want you, they should pay. Just tell her, sorry I can't afford it.