To not want to pay for my bridesmaid dress?

[MrsB777]

I've been asked to be a bridesmaid for two weddings this year, both of which I need to purchase my own dress for. The dresses that have been chosen range from £100-130.

AIBU to think that if someone asks me to be in their wedding, then they should pay for the dress? I've been a bridesmaid previously and the bride bought my dress.

Not in the UK, as far as I'm aware.

If you want someone to be wearing a certain thing at your wedding, and carrying out certain duties, then you should pay for it.

I've never been to a wedding (or been involved in one) where the bride & groom didn't pay for bridesmaid dresses.

I've never heard of this tradition. I got married 30 years ago so maybe that has changed but I wouldn't have expected my BM's to pay for their own dresses when they were doing me the favour

Tradition where?! Ive been bridesmaid on average twice a year since I was 4/5 years old. Dress, shoes hair and makeup always covered by whoever asked me to be part of their wedding and usually get a little gift from the bride aswell!

Tradition where? Tradition when?
A bride is asking you to do her the .favor of being her bridesmaid.
So she punishes you by making you pay for the dress and shoes?
That’s not how that works. That’s not how any of that works. lol
Asking someone to be your bridesmaid means repaying her the kindness by purchasing her the dress and shoes and hair makeup (if you’re going that route).
Some brides also give their bridesmaids a small gift.

sorry no fecking way. that is not the done thing at all. bride pays for the dress hair and make up. bridesmaid pays for shoes and underwear. tell her no feckin way
if that's what she is asking you to pay for what else is she going to ask you to pay for next? your flowers your meal ?
without you even paying for your dress being a bridesmaid is expensive

YANBU.
Anything that the bride and groom dictate you wear should be paid for by the B&G.
Unless she had said - I'd love you to be my bridesmaid but we are having a really informal wedding so you can wear whatever you like - then they should cover any cost of dress, and, if they are dictating you need certain shoes or hairstyle or whatever, they pay for that too.

I think if you get a say over the dress, you pay for it (eg “theme is pink, get whatever you like”), if it’s “you are having this dress” then bride should pay.

I love hearing about tight cheeky fucker brides like this 🤣🤣🤣

It makes me cringe so much that these people actually exist though. If you ask someone to be your bridesmaid, then you should pay for their dress, shoes, hair and make up. If you can't afford it, then don't have bridesmaids. Have the wedding you can afford, don't ask your friends to subsidise your choices. Tacky AF.

Say you’re happy to wear a dress you already own and show her some options which you think might go well. If the bride doesn’t like any of your existing dresses, she should buy you a new one.

Yep, the bride should pay for bridesmaid dresses. People are so entitled these days.

Sweet Jesus that's shocking. I wanted a very specific dress for my bridesmaid ( it was designer) but I paid for it. paid for everything bar shoes - they bought them but they were simple black strappy shoes. could be worm again. I also paid for hair make up and the nights stay in the hotel. your daughter is well rid of those batches

I didn't have bridesmaids because of the following reasons

I didn't want the expense
I didn't want my 4 best friends to have the expense
I also wanted them to wear what they wanted and enjoy my wedding as guests.

DH didn't have a best man or groomsmen either.

Our day (even the planning and run up to it - all done by me and DH) was so stress free for absolutely everyone involved.

X

Making bridesmaids pay for their own dresses is a US tradition that seems to be creeping in here as CF brides try to off load the expenses of a wedding on others. Don't do it, OP, it is not fair to lumber you with these costs.

@GLC789 I didn't have bridesmaids for this reason either. Attending weddings is expensive enough as it is!

Errrmmm no it isn’t, unless you’re in the US.

I paid for my briedsmains. I don’t know any bridesmaids that paid for their own.

Depends where you're from. In the UK, traditionally bridesmaid dresses are bought by the bride (or the bride's family back before couples started paying for their own weddings)

@RoderickHosclassicblackhoodie

Tradition is that bridesmaids pay for their own dress.

Being a bridesmaid is fucking expensive.

No. Never was. What has become the tradition is so many brides wanting an Insta, glossy mag, celebrity style wedding that they can't afford so expecting everyone else to pay for it for them.

I mean if there's one saving grace, at least these two brides aren't asking their guests to pay for the privilege of attending. (Well not yet anyway. I suppose there's time...)

I have been bridesmaid 3 times as an adult, dress chosen and bought by the bride. I got married last year, chose and bought my bridesmaids dresses. I paid for hair, I asked them to bring shoes as the dresses were long so I didn’t mind what anyone wore. They all bought new but it wasn’t a requirement. I provided jewellery and bags for them. They paid for makeup but it wasn’t compulsory and was explained early on in the process due to budget, would have loved to pay for their makeup too but it would have doubled the cost!
I am going to be bridesmaid later in the year and the bride made me aware before committing that we would be purchasing our own dresses and that if I couldn’t financially commit then there would be no hard feelings. She has American family so I think her wedding is leaning toward what would be more American than British if that makes sense.
She has given a very broad colour palette to choose from and has requested a particular material but I have been able to find plenty of choices for £30-£50 which is not beyond what I would pay as a guest. We are also buying shoes but no specifications for these so I could even use some I already own. She is paying for hair and makeup. She is having 8 bridesmaids.

I think if you are paying for the bridesmaid dress as the bridesmaid then the bride shouldn’t be able to dictate a specific dress at a high cost, it’s not fair. Giving a colour/style is understandable for a cohesive look but more than that I wouldn’t be happy to be honest.

I've been a bridesmaid 5 times and my children have been flower girls twice - always had to buy our own dresses but have also had sensible brides who haven't gone wild with their choices. My bridesmaids bought their own dresses too and it never occurred to me until now that this wasn't the norm! 😳

I think shoes and accessories were either less prescriptive or gifts, and hair/make-up were optional extras.

In the US it’s standard. I think it’s awful and wouldn’t dream of doing it.

Surely tradition is the bridesmaid gets her dress paid for by the bride or brides parents. My Dad paid for all bridesmaids dresses, shoes, headbands and for their hairdresser too.

No, it’s not. I had four bridesmaids. I bought all the dresses, shoes, jewelry (that was a gift to say thank you (a simple gold chain with a pearl pendant)), makeup, hair and pearl pin hair accessories. In terms of ‘the look’ two of the bridesmaids had their dresses altered at their own expense, though I did offer to pay for the alterations. Being a bridesmaid is an honour, and should not be a burden. I don’t think bridesmaids should incur expenses beyond what it would cost to be a regular guest.

If you are in the USA that seems standard. In the UK it is not the tradition and a bit cheeky fuckery to be honest.

I think the bride should pay.

I certainly paid for my bridesmaids dresses. And hair and makeup and everything else that went along with being a bridesmaid.

I was bridesmaid to my sister though and she insisted I should pay for my own dress. So I insisted on choosing my own dress (I was the only adult bridesmaid so it wasn't like I had to match with anyone else). She wasn't happy at first but she came round. There was no way I was going to wear the awful peach, frilly, get up she wanted me to wear AND pay for it too!

Bride pays unless it's a wear what you already have type wedding.

I'm getting married this year and paying for everything

Only in America. Tradition in the UK is that the bride’s parents pay (since this dates from the days when it was expected they’d pay for most of the wedding).

A gift (like a silver bracelet or necklace) was also traditionally given to thank the bridesmaids.