To not want to pay for my bridesmaid dress?

[MrsB777]

I've been asked to be a bridesmaid for two weddings this year, both of which I need to purchase my own dress for. The dresses that have been chosen range from £100-130.

AIBU to think that if someone asks me to be in their wedding, then they should pay for the dress? I've been a bridesmaid previously and the bride bought my dress.

@RoderickHosclassicblackhoodie where do you live? I've never heard of this being tradition in uk

Yes, I'm in the UK

Tell the bride that bridesmaids don't pay for their own dresses.

It's really not, at least not in England. I've never paid for a bridesmaid dress and I paid for my bridesmaid's dresses and shoes.

It might be elsewhere and it might be more prevalent now but it's definitely not tradition.

This...

You were asked, the criteria has been set (paying for dress etc.), you cannot afford too, dont want too etc. with the demands that the bride has...

decline the ask to be a bridesmaid

I recently got married, my bridesmaids were given a choice of 6 shades of green to purchase an outfit. I didn't buy the outfits because they were all very different people with different characters and style. I did however pay for hair and make up and accessories.

I've been a bridesmaid/ best woman three times and eqch time the dress was bought/made for me (and I was given a bridesmaid gift each time, which on two occasions was the accessories
to wear with the dress)
I did provide my own shoes I think but I has freedom to choose i.e. no obligation to spend a huge amount on a specific item. Did my own hair and make up each time.

I had five bridesmaids and chose/paid for the dresses and accessories.

Quite right too.

In UK.

Nope the UK and the bride wanted an insta wedding but had no money to pay for it all so expected everyone else to pay for it for her. The way the bridesmaids were treated was horrendous, and as sad as it is that the friendship is over, I was relieved my daughter wasn't a part of it and went into debt of about 2k to attend!

Not in England it isn't. I don't know about RUK.

Really out of order here (England). I would happily decline.

Bride pays. She's a CF. I'd politely decline

Its been a few years since I was a bridesmaid (in Scotland) but absolutely no way was I asked to pay for my bm dress.

Honestly Op, I would just say sorry , but I cannot be your bm.

I've been a bridesmaid a few times, never paid for my dress.

Getting married later this year and I'm paying for dresses, hair and makeup. Not shoes, but they can wear whatever they like!

Not in the UK it isn’t. Horrible Americanism and I would decline. I’ve been a bridesmaid countless times and never have been asked to pay for my own dress. How tacky.

I wouldn't have dared ask my bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses. They were bought in 2019 but we didn't marry until last year because of COVID and a baby. One didn't fit, I would have paid to alter it but she did it herself (it was just the under slip bit the external bit was fine and you couldn't tell at all). They paid for their shoes but I didn't expect them to buy a certain style or expensive ones or even buy new ones. I also paid for hair and make up and their rooms for the 2 nights. I wouldn't have dreamed to inconvenience people for my wedding, how entitled are people (brides) these days!!!

I paid for my bridesmaids dresses, asked them to provide shoes so they got something comfortable but they were back so didn’t have to be new.

If you can’t afford to buy the bridesmaids dresses as a bride you can’t afford bridesmaids.

Where are you posting from? Is it the US by any chance?

Assuming the OP is in the UK, here traditionally the brides family covered the cost of the bridesmaids outfit, now since couples increasingly pay for their own wedding it is expected the bride (and groom) covers the cost.

The Bride should pay.

Wow, that’s outrageous. I’ll ever understand why weddings bring out the worst in people. I mean, she had a lucky escape and saved a bloody fortune, but very hurtful.

This is a really fair idea!!

YANBU. You need to speak up and make it clear that you won’t be able to pay for your dress or hair and makeup and shoes.

My daughter is 26 and was gutted. Absolutely gutted. They way it was handled was terrible. Oh and then to top it off the matron of honour messaged asking if she was still going to contribute to the brides cost of the hen party. She got a 2 word answer ending in off!

I couldn't not believe how entitled the bride was in it all. Having known her since she was 6, it shocked me.

Slightly? I’d have stamped on her stupid dress going down the aisle 😆

If the bride wants a specific dress then she should pay

I have a sinking feeling these will turn out to be family weddings and far more difficult to politely decline (hope I'm wrong)

It would be a no from me.

In USA, not in the uk.