Why are you long term Single?

[Aquarius1234]

Answers on a postcard..

What's the main reason you are actually long term single?
And do you judge others that are also?

Too much effort for too little return and a potentially huge increase in complication in my life.

I'm in my late 50s, and quite frankly I don't want to face into the next 20 or 30 years with a partner who might suffer ill health or alzheimers or any other infirmity.

Very happily single since 2009.

Do you mean

Legally single with no partner, with or without children
Or
Legally single with a partner, with or without children

The reason I am asking, is because if a person is not married or not in a civil partnership, by definition they are single

I honestly don't know. I never had a boyfriend at school or uni. I've been single most of my adult life - now 50s. The relationships I have had were mostly long distance.

I don't think I'm hideously ugly, though not the most beautiful woman in the world either. I'm fairly intelligent and can manage a conversation on many subjects. I love sex and apparently am good at it. I earn my own money, no debts.

I have been on OLD the last couple of years, and yes, there are some awful men, but there are some gems in between. I had a wonderful relationship last year with the most amazing man I'd still give my right arm for. And I've recently started seeing another guy, who is not as amazing, but still pretty good. But why it didn't happen in my 20s, 30s, 40s... OLD means I am not invisible in the way I have always seemed to be IRL. And having been single most of my life, I got on with life and did things I wanted to do (as far as money allowed,) and so anyone else in my life needs to enhance it, and fit in with what I already do.

But I have often wondered why no one wanted me. An old friend, whom I've known since childhood, said a few months ago, "I never understood why you never married," as if I had spent all my time turning down the offers. But no one ever asked, and mostly they didn't ask for a first date, let alone anything more, and the few I asked out said no.

It doesn't matter, but it has puzzled me at times (and I would have liked a lot more sex.)

You need a BoB Battery Operated Boyfriend

Plus side - Hits the spot every time, its faster, always up for it, doesnt expect you to do stuff you dont want to, doesn't nag and you don't have to sleep in the wet patch

Down side - It doesn't wash the pots

Treat yourself, you're worth it :-)

I was single for years. It was a decision I took to focus on my DD, my career and family and friends.

I was and am a lone parent.

It was what I needed.

I didn't actually want a partner at all but found an amazing one...but...after 6 years we still don't live together because we both like it that way and it works for our DC.

😁🤣

Divorced during pregnancy, dc now 10 and 13 , we all have a good relationship with ex husband . No problems with co parenting.
I can’t imagine bringing another person in to our household. I do not wish to have to consult someone else on what we do, holidays, money, parenting etc in my own house . We like everything as it is.

@EBearhug I could have written your post. The only difference is that I got pregnant in my 40s with a fling... I'm a single parent and haven't dated for over a decade. I hadn't dated for years before the fling either. So me having a baby was quite amazing really!

No one ever asked me for a date or to get married and I'm a bit baffled too as to why not!

I've got friends who've married, had kids, divorced, married again, and had more kids and I haven't had a date during all that time. I've no idea how people do it?!

I'm nearly 60 now and I do feel like I've missed out but I'm happy and have a great circle of friends. But yep. Still single.

I’m 55 and single 4 years and I wish I knew back then what I know now about how liberating being single is.

I had been in 4 relationships from 17 to 51 with only a few months in-between so never had that freedom.

I became single at start of first lockdown and had no choice but to spend time alone and I realised I actually enjoyed my own space.

Ive made good female friends and gave a very active social life, nights out, weekends away, festivals, holidays etc and I would never give any of it up for a man. So even if I met someone, it would be a pretty casual see you when we can type relationship. I never want to cohabitate again.

Ive been on a few dates over last year or so but there’s no one that’s sparked enough interest to want me to interrupt my current life for them.

Tbh in my experience so far, the single men my age are a pretty grim bunch. Too many middle aged divorced men who want a cook cleaner and general arse wiper with sex thrown in or they act like kids in a sweet shop wanting sex with as many women as quickly as possible.

I’ve been single since separating from my 3 dc dad 4 years ago. I will likely stay single because I have no intention of introducing someone to my kids and I have very little time when I would see someone otherwise. IF I met someone who shared my hobby and our relationship consisted of spending time together every other weekend doing that hobby and not seeing each other apart from that then I would be happy! I feel the position would be more suitable for a FWB than someone who wanted a serious relationship.

Because after a 25 year relationship that ended really badly, I have learned that I love being single. Who needs men when you can have cats?

Same here. My son is 12 now. I've been single on and off for most of his life. But now he's the age he is I've decided no more dating until he's 18 and off to uni / has his own life. It's unfair to bring people in and out of his life, there's been a few now where he has grown close to them. Not prepared to keep doing that to him. Also I'm pretty rubbish at relationships and find that I kinda resent having to fit someone else into my very little free time !

Because I was married for 28 years and realise that since exh and I separated I am the happiest I have been as an adult. There is no way I am ever living with a man ever again. Live with two adult dc both autistic and they would struggle with somebody new as well so happier all round if we stay as we are.

Single 16+ yrs here

Like doing my own thing
Like my own space
Have good job and hobbies outside work which are more than enough
Have lots of friends when I do want company
Have amazing family time with my adult children
Not interested in dating
Like travelling/holidaying on my own

Literally there are no negatives.....

I'm a lifelong widowed now by my choice. I was 55 when my 2nd husband unexpectedly passed. He was just 60.

I class myself as a married widow. I hope you appreciate the story I have to add to this.

People don't get it in general. Those who know me well know it wont change.

They soon shut up when I say a few things. No one can replace or will replace my husband who also was and is the dad he didn't have to be to our 4 and grandpa to 5 now.

Death ended my husband life. It did not end our relationship/marriage. I've simple learnt how to have a new relationship with my husband.

One based on two worlds beating as one.

As I said to someone recently "Tell me you have lost your mom haven't you?" They said "yes" so I responded "When are you going out to find a new mom then?" 😉

The look on there face was horrified. I rest my case I ended with.

Because men are useless, lazy, selfish arsewipes. Oh and faithless too.

Well most of them.

Men got away with this because it was shameful for a woman to be over 30 and single. If she hadn’t ‘bagged a man’ by 30 or 35 then she was an object of pity. I remember my dad saying that his friend was worried his daughter would be “left on the shelf” if she didn’t get a move on. This was in the 1990s!

That just isn’t the case any more. Men have lost their hold over women, but many haven’t realised it yet.

This !!!!!! Same here !! 😂😂

Left it so long scared stiff ( excuse the pun) of penetration.

As an older women (55) I honestly think women have moved on and many men haven’t kept up.

Honestly the men my age I’ve chatted to who literally do nothing other than work and watch sky sports. That’s their whole life. Why would a woman want to settle for a man like that when we have friends, social lives, go on holiday etc

Been there, done that, now have my own home, a decent job, an adorable (well, she's adorable to me) dog, grown up children - why on earth would I want a man coming along, messing up my house, protesting at my working hours, hating my dog (who doesn't like men) and not getting on with my children?

I have everything my own way and on my own terms and, at 63, I am done with the accommodations and negotiations of being in a relationship.

As someone else said, this thread has been eye opening and quite frankly, brilliant ! It's a shame we can't all set up a supportive, single chicks WhatsApp group !

Great post. Your DH sounds really special.

Because a day only has 24 hours and a potential partner would have to be extraordinary in their ability to add to my life for me to push something else down on my list of priorities.