Why are you long term Single?

[Aquarius1234]

Answers on a postcard..

What's the main reason you are actually long term single?
And do you judge others that are also?

Because physical attraction and connection is very important to me, but every single man I've fancied nothing has happened with them or something about me has put them off. Unlike a couple of pps, I am attractive and have been told so, but I have low confidence due to teenaged bullying (being called ugly on a daily basis because of bad acne)- I turn into a nervous/giggly wreck around men I find attractive. But I just can't settle for someone im not attracted to, so unless a miracle happens it looks like I'm staying single.....plus I'm living back in my (very small) hometown in the North East and all the men here look and act like troglodytes.

Oh and before everyone starts piling in saying I'm shallow/fussy/whatever, I have given lots of different men chances, ones who haven't been my type but who I got along with/had things in common with. Those dates/relationships never went anywhere.

@NeverendingRabbitHole That's putting it pretty strongly but yes, I think a lot of women are reaching that conclusion.

As a professional woman, I have a career, an income, I own my own home, I have a son by a previous relationship. I have a moderate pension fund. I don't need a man to provide for me financially.

I am happy and secure. If I have a partner, I want to be treated with courtesy, respect and affection. Share the daily chores and finances. Work as a team.

I'm not a domestic to enable his life/career and that, I think, is a common expectation.

Is it true that men have very high expectations?

They truly believe they are going to get supermodels?

Maybe there are lots of amazingly attractive women out there who do actually fulfill this objective?

So many women seem happy to clean the house do the washing and cook most the dinners?
I just couldn't manage being that organised..
I live alone and hardly ever have a spotless home. Booo

I think they think they will get sex though. Dunno how attractive women sleep with unattractive men.

I’ve been very happily single for the past 7 years. Ex was an absolute nightmare and there’s no way I want to share my life with a useless lump who wants a wife to look after them.
One friend says I’ll change my mind. No chance ha ha!

Choice.
No judgement on anyone else single or otherwise!

Bumping.

Been single to long, couldn't image being with anyone else, working two jobs rasing three children the thought of having to deal with anyone else at the moment is not worth it for me. maybe when my children are older but I'm not fussed at all ATM. Been single 4-5 years now.

Because I prefer to concerntrate on just me and my DD, I don't need a man messing it up - I can do that by myself anyway.

Divorced, zero interest in being in another relationship, couldn't imagine living with someone again and truly happy on my own.

I like being single and even more do as I've got older. With ex dh 15 years. Split when ds 18 months, now 16. Had a 3 awful short term relationships but i was never willing to blend families. Maybe when ds moves out, who knows. Worked hard, busy job now managing a team. Think people are so used to me being single they don't mention otherwise. No idea how I'd fit someone into my life!

My marriage nearly killed me, physically and mentally. I naturally pick abusive men, I can't go there again.
I am a full time working lone parent and I have no time or ability to date even if I wanted
I have a dog who loves me despite my imperfections
I love my life with ds and doggie. We make our own rules, have a living room disco, make dens,
I have adhd and cptsd and think I am probably wuite hard to live with. I don't sit still, forget everything, am messy, have conversations in my head which I think have been with a real life person and they haven't
I have packed on the weight in the last 2 years and feel even less attractive than ever (was never a looker)
I genuinely love being single.

Great career, good salary, own my home, have a car, brilliant set of friends, lots of holidays and a fantastic son - I honestly can’t see any man being able to add any value to my life.

Every day there are posts on here about cock-lodgers, lazy husbands, controlling arseholes and down-right abusive men. Seriously - who wants one of those?

This thread has been brilliant...👏 eye opening

I do miss sex though...but the longer the gap the feelings start to fade..

Unattractive
Introverted
Very low self esteem
I like my own space too much as in time to read or watch the TV in peace.
Don't want the pressure of step kids and ex wives which would most likely be the case around my age group at almost 40.

I am very much in the minority being single at this age but I'm not just going to get with a man to seem more socially acceptable. Although I do feel being in a healthy and good relationship makes life a million times easier in every way.

I don't trust people. Can't let people in. Scared of being rejected. And yes not pretty like other people.

I’ve got quite high standards and I’m very specific in my criteria. Not so much about looks but the man’s character and his ability to be an asset in my life - as I’ll definitely be an asset to his. I would love to meet the man of my dreams but I’d much rather be single and happy than be with an awful or lacklustre guy!

Also I just can’t tolerate BS and charm with no substance. I’ve noticed some men pretend to chat about seemingly deep stuff but really they’re not actually telling you anything and it’s clear they’re trying to figure you out for manipulation purposes . One very handsome and fit guy I was talking to recently starting off by saying he was “very impressed by my OLD profile” and he liked my “casual athlete style” and he went on like that . He almost sounded like AI. It just didn’t sound genuine!

I just cut to the chase and asked him quite direct questions. Apparently he was a 1st year full-time student who worked part time in a bar…at age 45! I’m not knocking anyone for studying at any age, but it’s not ideal living in London as a middle aged student unless you’re wealthy and I didn’t get the impression this man was. He was very vague about his career up that point.

So it soon became clear after some digging that he wasn’t self sufficient. apparently he was living with his ex but they were just “friends” 🚩🚩🚩 I immediately unmatched after that parade of red flags and then deleted the app altogether tbh.

He was clearly living off one woman and now looking for his next victim. Also when I asked him for his plans after graduation he said he wanted to be a “life coach” . He just came across as a grifter who was going to be up to his eyeballs in debt at age 50.

I sniff out the unsuitable men out super quick but I get offended and annoyed they even tried it lol

Even before OLD haven’t been thrilled at the men I’ve attracted. I’m still in touch with some of my exes and they’re all still emotionally unavailable and/or cheaters etc so I made the right decision not to settle down with any of them.

I just wish I’d attracted better guys in my 20s and early 30s!

Because I bloody love it! I so can't be arsed with entertaining a bloke ever again.

To be quite blunt I don't have a sex drive, can only muster a mild interest in men, enjoy the solitude and have more important things on my mind.

Because I’m not attractive (and have scarring) add to that now I’m old. Been single most of my life.

also the men that are attracted to me I’m not attracted to them ( physically and emotionally). And if I’m attracted to them they aren’t to me. Only twice in my 52 years there was a mutual attraction but eventually they both ended up cheating on/ghosting me after a few years. I don’t ever want to take chance of having my heart broken like that again

im very introverted and many men don’t like that. They want to be attached at the hip even when I need some alone time.

so I will go into my golden years single and altho I would love to meet a lovely man, I’d rather not take chance of getting my heart broken again.

I love this post! I have met / messaged with so many of these men! They're everywhere!

Because I decided to take a break from men, after two bad relationships, and then I enjoyed the break so much I never looked back.

@RainbowZebraWarrior so accurate! I recognise a lot of these men too. Thankfully I rarely get the much older men hitting on me though.

Men who wanted to monopolise my time and be on the phone constantly

I had a man do this the other week! I matched with him online and a few days later we swapped numbers. Then he kept WhatsApping me and sending pictures from the sunny country he was in at the time, even though I was attending an online conference that weekend. On the Monday I mentioned it was my day off and he rang me out the blue which I didn’t like.

I missed the call and decided not to call back. If a man I’ve never met wants to talk to me on the phone for the first time, I’d prefer they politely arranged it in advance not just called randomly when it suits them.

I basically told him we could plan a call for later on in the week and he went all silent (sulking). As if he just expected me to be available and willing to answer his calls 24/7 when we hadn’t even met in person yet.

I didn’t like that attitude so I blocked him the next day. He had done absolutely nothing for me but felt entitled to my time and energy.