Why are you long term Single?

[Aquarius1234]

Answers on a postcard..

What's the main reason you are actually long term single?
And do you judge others that are also?

Same here, but with my dogs. Fed up of men who are abusive and/or cheat. Can live without sex. Happy as a pig in shit.

No its not you,its them.You did not deserve it,you deserve to be happy and free to make your own choices.
I hope you make a wonderful life for yourself and enjoy being free and safe.

Haven't got the want or need for any man in my life again.

Even trying to thinking how my life could look if I met someone amazing which would be the only way, it's too abstract, too fuzzy, too impossible to envisage.

Me and DS plus ex of 7 years co-parent and rub along very harmoniously which probably paints an even clicker picture to any outside opportunity!

I need a stress free life.
I'm happy in my own company
I gave up on men and got my gorgeous dog for company... best male I've ever lived with

My husband died long ago. I like being single now.

I managed to extricate myself from my marriage on ok terms with my exH and will never put myself in that position again. No more men for me.

I'm very content with single life but I am finding myself drawn to women in a way that I never was when I was younger. I wouldn't know where to start with that though 😅

You're not the only one. Im single a long time too. I think I'm invisible to men. I mustn't look very attractive. No men are ever attracted/interested in me (in real life) I'd love to meet someone and settle down. Trying OLD but not getting any dates. Get ghosted, or some men message but can't have any sort of conversation. And get likes from men who are far too young 😒 really don't understand why men of about 25 are interested in women of almost 40. Maybe they're desperate 🤣
I spent quite a few years caring for a relative so ended up quite isolated with no social life, so obviously there was no dating either. Time has passed and I'm trying to find someone to settle down with, but it's hard. Likely will be too old to start a family. But it is what it is

Because I’m fat and ugly

I don't necessarily think it is a very bad idea - I had absolutely zero success with men younger than that, so it is getting harder and harder to rationalise being picky about the age. It was an opinion from a very good old (male) friend, who just says it as it is, without sugarcoating. Just having a pause to think about all the aspects of it - and not even quite sure where the natural meeting grounds would be.

Yes, pretty much the same. Have never been asked out in my life. I am lucky in that I have children, but I was the pursuer in the relationship with their father, and it only lasted a year - he quite honestly said he has never been attracted and never saw it going anywhere.

I went on quite a few first dates (around 20?) before covid through a dating app, but none of the guys entertained the idea of a second one. I fantasise about having a relationship quite often, but I think realistically it is quite unlikely.

I love living with my
Dogs and my DD.
The dogs sleep on my bed with me every night , I love that , no one bothers us , they're protective too so don't need no man coming in wanting to be the big I am!
I think my life is too set for me , I can't just go off on weekends away , holidays , and when dating before that would pee bfs off .. I hate the getting to know them and then their friends and family ... the whole what's your favourite questions on online dating nite me to tears too.no hassle as Christmas on whose parents to visit is a huge bonus too

This made me laugh out loud - thanks!

I've been single for about 3 years after a long marriage.....
More than ready to meet someone and date, but I cannot find a man who wants to actually date, rather than send dick pics....
I think the older I get (mid 40's now) the less tolerant I am and I'm so much quicker to dismiss a man at the hint of a red flag..... Shame but rather be single, than with a dickhead.

Lovely thought - if Raymond Blanc or Marcus Wareing were to offer I would be very tempted! But let’s face it, most of the men of 65+ aren’t really adept in the kitchen. I did sort of date one man who said he’d cook me dinner and I thought I was onto a winner there, but what was served up (he said it was cottage pie) looked very like a cow pat slopped on a plate. Wasn’t redeemed by the taste either, sadly. And then we went to a pub quiz and he overruled most of my answers (which were right) and our team lost by about that number. He had to go.

There was another man who became overly interested when he realised i lived in a house of my own (“a whole house, just for you and a dog??”), and then there was the one who said he was looking for a partner who’d look after him as his health deteriorated (it was already on the dodgy side with various ailments & conditions). In sickness and in health is one thing when you’ve put the time in first, but not as the main aim. And that’s before all the various creeps and weirdos that lurk on OLD… No, I’m not giving up my independence for such second-rate offerings.

I like being on my own. I like making 100% of decisions that impact my time and finances. I like quiet, i dont have a tv, i will watch things on my laptop at a low volume with subtitles if i have the desire, but in general the space i am in i like to have quiet. I like working nights. I have 3 older children who i do alot with but generally activities most people wouldnt enjoy. I have a great relationship with my kids and dont want to bring another person into our space.

Ive had two long relationships. One was 15 years and included marriage. One 6 years. Both failed for reasons outside of my control. Now i control my life, and im much happier for it.

People can judge away.

Because I enjoy life as I am.

Because any man who became a partner would need to make my already good life happier.

Because my last relationship, which ran from when my ds was 4 until he was 9, the man concerned told me I would need to 'get rid of ds 50% of the time if I wanted our relationship to progress.' It took me a nanosecond to make that choice. So I will wait until ds is 18 and away at university before I date again.

'However, do you think more and more women will choose the single path leaving more and more men wondering where the hell we all are?'

Yes, I think that's already an issue. Too many men have grown up thinking of women as service providers - of food, clean comfortably furnished homes, shopping, laundry, and genuinely can't understand why they are finding themselves unwanted, because many women are saying no thanks.

Absolutely this!

I do what works for me and you do what works for you. I love dating and all that but long term relationships haven't appealed to me for a very long time

Like my own space and only having myself to think about, although sometimes having someone to share things with would be nice but not enough to make me look for a relationship.

Most importantly I’m very cynical about men and their intentions, there’s so many walking red flags out there, I can’t be arsed to waste time dating someone to discover he’s an absolute prick, or scared of committing! If I ever love anyone again it will be totally organic and unexpected.

Because the homophobia I grew up surrounded by filled me with shame at a very young age that it has taken decades to untangle, and by the time I had done so plus society had moved on enough to make dating a woman feel less daunting, I was a bit old, really, and the good ones were taken.

I decided to stop having relationships with men that led to aggravation so took a couple of years to reflect on how I interacted in relationships. And the longer I was single, the more I liked it. Still am and still do, many years later. Although I already had children, I might well feel differently if I'd spent so many years completely alone.

I too decided to stay single after divorce to work out why I had tolerated bad behaviour in my marriage and previous relationships, I wanted to wait until I knew I would be strong enough to walk away from it even if I was in love.
As time went on I realised it was a much better life for me for lots of the reasons others have mentioned. I knew it would feel different when my last DC left and I was completely alone and it does, sometimes I feel lonely and get a bit woe is me but never for too long.
I get frustrated all my local friends are married, I am in the same group as when I was married and now they are retiring and doing lovely things while I will need to keep working as being single is so much more expensive. I need to try and get out and meet new people who aren’t so coupled up but I never do anything about it !
Great thread for me to see last night and remember there are so many upsides to living the single life

Interesting comments about OLD in here; I haven't done it in 15 years since I met my partner...even then it was pretty grim.

Basically at best, when it works, it takes all the magic and romance out of meeting someone..it's all very desperate and business like. At worst it's the most shallow, materialistic way of meeting someone...men are looking for someone at least 10 years younger with no baggage , women are after a tall , successful MrDarcy with a full head of hair, own home and car and willing to be a father within in a very strict timeline.

I'm not surprised people are turning their back on it.

What's the main reason you are actually long term single?
I’m really not a people person. Don’t get out much, don’t talk much when I do.
And do you judge others that are also?
Why would I judge somebody for being in the same boat as me?

I've been single for four years now and I've not got the time or inclination to date. I do miss sex though 😕 a fwb would be ideal but finding someone single who I'm both attracted to and who wouldn't blab (small town) is difficult.

@peloton2024 and others I can guarantee it's not you it's them. Size 16 and red hair - so you have curves and also hair that lots of people would kill for! Have you looked around lately at men 40 plus?! Mostly lazy, misogynistic and really no oil painting. Yet want supermodels 🤣 The dating pool is slim pickings in that age group already and as for finding a genuine decent guy - well nearly impossible sadly.

Men are really gonna have to start sorting their shit out if women are to bother with them anymore. It's basically a 'no deal' with most men - women just don't get anything/enough out of a partnership with a man to make it worthwhile. Treated like a skivvy, left home alone with kids, expected to clean, wash, cook and take on 99% of the mental load. Most men expect regular sex but put very little effort in.

Let's face it - life is so much easier and more fun without them dragging us down.