Why are you long term Single?

[Aquarius1234]

Answers on a postcard..

What's the main reason you are actually long term single?
And do you judge others that are also?

I am happy on my own with my children and pets. I see my friends, have time to myself EOW but I am content and don't want to bring any man into my children's lives whilst they are young. I may change my mind, I may not but right now I'm happy.

Because between 50hrs a week work and a disabled adult daughter, I would not have time for a relationship.

I'm fine on my own, but it does make me sad. I'd like to be properly in love again. But I'd like that for my daughter first and foremost.

Ah ok, I probably was selectively reading and reacting - I was under an impression that the number one reason was that posters did not want it and were much happier on their own / never met the right person / decided it wasn't worth it.
I am quite unhappy being single, but it doesn't really look like it ever is going to change.

No you are right the majority of posts are from people who are happy single/ choosing to be. More difficult when it's not a choice.

Trauma, mental health issues and a general inability to have relationships with men.
I definitely don't judge other long-term singles whatsoever.

Thanks - yes, another poster above also mentioned this. I probably was reading selectively.
I just need to find reasons to be happy single. I probably have a very idealistic and bookish view of what a relationship even looks like - hard to give this fantasy up.

Because I want to be. I made the decision when ds was a baby I would not have a man come into our lives

about five years ago I wasn’t sure what I was looking for did a little old and found it awful never again though one guy still a good friend

I have a fulfilled life if I meet someone fine if I don’t fine

as long as my ds is happy and I get to have lots of cats once I retire I’m happy

I don't think anyone has expressed an interest for about 15 years (I'm 46). But I've never really made an effort to meet people and at this point, I don't think I could manage going out with someone or living with someone again.

The relationships I had in my 20s weren't really relationships. They were all quite short and they made me constantly unhappy and insecure. To be honest, I seemed to get stuck in a pattern where I thought we were in a relationship but the other half thought it was a convenient stop gap till they met a genuine candidate. I guess I was unlucky that I didn't happen to meet anyone who really liked me, but I didn't, and those situations were very destructive.

The last few times I started going out with people, I was actually waiting for them cheat and I decided that I should get my head into a better place where I could trust someone and relax into being happy. Perhaps I still haven't 15 years later.

When I went out with people I was very jumpy and unhappy and when I'm single I'm very calm emotionally. I've never had a long term relationship and I've never had a happy one and I've been single and celibate so long it makes me very embarrassed, and sometimes that depresses me. Sometimes it makes me feel that I'm inadequate or unloveable, but I'm happier alone than I am being with someone else, and having had quite a lot of emotional turbulence in my teens, 20s and 30s, I really value the calm I now have.

I really enjoy being able to come and go as I please and do exactly what I want without having to tell someone I won't be home til late or check if they want to watch the same TV shows. I like to be able to eat odd things for dinner if I want to, or spend a rainy day in bed reading undisturbed. I really hate the idea of having to negotiate on things like furniture and pictures. When I was in a relationship I wasted a lot of time making sure other people were ok and not worrying about how I was doing.

If I meet someone single, I just assume they're single. I don't make any other assumptions about them. At least half the people I know are single, some long term, some just for the moment. They aren't noticeably misfits and there is no thread that connects their singleness.

Because at the age of 49, with three kids and numerous relationships behind me I'm yet to meet a man that doesn't decide to start treating me like shit once he's comfortable. Either my taste is off, or men are wankers. Whatever, I'm happy single and can't be arsed again. Just not worth the gamble in my experience.

Because it's an amazing way to live 😍

I have no fucks to give about what everyone else is up to 😊

Because it suits my current circumstances and I am enjoying it.

Would be hypocritical to judge other people for getting on in a manner that suits them.

Because I like my life the way I like it.

Because I've had enough of useless,needy, scrounging men.

Also since becoming peri menopausal I just seem to have less interest in men I am no longer impressed by men I no longer care if they like me and I while I miss sex sometimes I don’t want intimacy or a man hanging around

im surprised how much my attitude towards men has changed in peri menopause abs I don’t find it a negative in my life (and I doubt many men do 😆)

I'm a lone parent to two with additional needs. I have to work to pay my mortgage. I have no time for dating and just no headspace for anyone else's BS either. Me and my kids are better off this way. I don't judge people for being single, why would I?

I don’t have the time to date.
online dating is just urgh I cba with it.

I can’t afford to go on dates. I wouldn’t want a guy to always be paying

It’s been so long I’ve lost the ability/confidence to flirt 😂

Wife passed

No interest in finding anyone else

Fell in love with someone who didn’t reciprocate and I haven’t been able to meet anyone else I like as much. Hoping someone will come along soon though.

For me:

• I like being single: I am very independent and I enjoy the freedom of being able to do whatever I want, whenever I want

• It is more peaceful and I enjoy my own company

• I can focus on why I really enjoy doing in life: painting, gardening, taking care of my pets, sports, reading, horses, restoring my old house without having to waste any time and energy on dating which I found utterly boring and depressing

• I have been let down badly by too many men: it started with an abusive father, then assault by teenage boys ay school and assault by a so called male 'friend' as an adult. On the whole I found men to be selfish, often abusive and expecting too much while giving very little

• sex was really bad when I was online dating: lazy men who are obsessed with porn and it was all very mechanical and immature

• when I was dating I just felt like a piece of meat and that the only value I had was my appearance. I am a full human being, not just a convenient pair of tits and a few holes...I was also always made to feel insecure by men and that I was never good enough

• I don't have to be anybody's maid and cook (well just the cats' but that's OK)

• I get terminally bored when people go on and on about their relationships and kids.

Basically I don't think coupledom is for me and I am happy to be forever single :)

I think I'm just not that fussed about being in a relationship 🤷‍♀️

I like my independence and most men annoy me.

Because, having found myself single again after a long term “This is for life” kind of relationship, I found I preferred being alone.

The house is as I want. My life is organised as I want it to be - I want to get up early, I’m not disturbing anyone’s sleep. I want to go to bed early - I’m left alone in peace. I want to make plans or change them - I only have myself to plan for.

I’m also reasonably well off these days with some assets (house, pension etc) and I’m damned well not risking those in a divorce.

And the men around seem to be dire. More baggage than BA, unrealistic expectations of women or trophy hunters (one commented on my cooking skills and said he was surprised I hadn’t been “snapped up” because of them, as if I would just be a service provider). None of them seem to be interested in a true, equal partner, only a prize to be shown off. Urgh, no thanks.

Because I've been dumped, cheated on, widowed and dumped again (not all by the same man obviously!), and my shattered heart isn't going to survive any more relationship trauma.

I've also become very set in my ways - eg, I have terrible insomnia but there's no one to disturb if I put the light on/get up/read etc in the middle of the night. I really think I'd struggle now to accommodate someone else's needs and wants and habits.

I won't ever try OLD again, I found it absolutely soul destroying. And I don't have the type of life where I meet a lot of new people. Even if I did, I so rarely find someone attractive that I can't imagine meeting anyone.

So all in all, I'm mostly happy with my lot. I do wish I knew more single people though - all my friends seem to be coupled up one way or another.

I'm a lousy picker of men with a 100% record. And I don't care whether other people are single or not nor what their reasons are for being/not being in a relationship.

Because I enjoy it, and because I don't trust my own judgment when it comes to men.

Because I love my life as it is. My child is the only one to consider and there is nobody else to compromise for. Pure bliss. It's peaceful.