Why are you long term Single?

[Aquarius1234]

Answers on a postcard..

What's the main reason you are actually long term single?
And do you judge others that are also?

Because its amazing!! I got ptsd aldo from my divorce and now free and happy.
Resd some of the posts on here- women stuck with vile abusive men....
I live with my 2 dc and cats snd it's all good!

thread keep going...I've always believed since teenage years that my face would hold me back..and it's true...
Still a man's world and they get to choose...out of date attitude but abso correct 😐

@wavingfuriously your face has held you back? In what way?

Not pretty!

Yet so many men are very unattractive and have wife's and girlfriend. Never got that.

Wonder what percentage of females aren't attracted to their partners ?

Lifelong single because I never met (or was interested in looking for) a man I found remotely appealing. All the ones whose looks attracted me had been dead at least three hundred years! I spent every workday with men and didn't need another to come home to (or anyone - circumstances meant my mother and I had to live together, and I would have loved to be alone). My father and brother were oxygen thieves. I am now at last alone, and since menopause don't even have sexual desires. I have my cats and I have friends. Living with someone, even if I had room, is not happening.

@Aquarius1234 maybe those unattractive men looked nice in their youth though and managed to get wives then ? but yeah some women surely must no longer fancy their partners ...difficult I guess..

I think more women (not all) look for other attributes in men and as a whole - again this doesn’t apply to everyone - are less bothered about physical looks in comparison to men .

I think partly because there are so many poor quality men, women focus more on character, personality, humour or quite frankly - the man’s ability to provide. And in those women’s eyes the man’s humour or his loyalty or the the size of his wallet makes a less than average looking man attractive to them if that makes sense? I’ve definitely been enamoured by men who I didn’t find physically attractive to begin with, but as I loved their personality I became hooked and suddenly found them attractive!

I would say though while men are more focused on looks, there are also plenty of women who are not considered conventionally attractive who married young or who have rarely been single.

Most of the long term single women I know are considered slim and pretty or at least average . I don’t know, I feel a lot of it is luck or being in the right place at the right time.

Well I for one refuse to shag anyone looking like a King Edward potato in a rugby shirt one size too small, no matter how rich or kind 🙄

King Edward potato

😀

To add I don’t necessarily think we need advocate for any more superficiality or shallowness in relationships. We have enough of that.

It’s not a problem per se that many women are overlooking some men’s physical unattractiveness. What is the issue in society is not enough men do the same.

Men are raised to think it’s acceptable to place such great value on a women’s looks.
And some women are flattered by it when they should actually be wanting a partner who values them from the inside out. ( Then they wonder when he wanders off and leaves her for younger model when he reaches a certain age or she puts on weight)

I do find it tends to be women telling women to lower their standards and look beyond looks. No male friend tells me to lower my standards. When you do OLD you don't swipe on someone you don't like the look of.

If I don't fancy someone I don't fancy them, they could be the funniest man on earth but if I don't fancy them it wouldn't be going anywhere. It's also not about attractiveness per se but having that something that first draws you to them. You have to have that spark.

As an example, I like tall, atheltic men (with a brain and who can hold a conversation but that comes after the initial attraction) they're 10 a penny in the gym. However I don't fancy them all. There's something about the one I do fancy though (possibly the fact he never smiles and looks all serious), he's my type looks wise but so are half the men in the gym.

absolutely agree 👍
Thanks for posting

I am objectively extremely plain. I mean, even the kindest observer would only call me 'handsome, on a good day'. I have never ever been pretty or even passingly good looking. I've been married three times, because not all men go for looks, so never say never.

This is true. One of mine is sitting next to me now. Far better company than any of my exes!

My last relationship took me to the brink of suicide, for a few reasons. I never, ever want to feel that way again. So that’s the main reason.

But my dating life before that wasn’t fantastic. I seemed to be the one before the wife nearly every time, as in they married the woman they dated after me. I had reasonable self esteem to start with, but in the end I couldn’t help but feel I just wasn’t good enough to marry.

Now I’m mid 50s, been single 7 years. I’m fat, grey haired and no desire or motivation to make efforts to try and make myself appealing to men again. They can fuck right off! I have mourned it and moved on, the same way you have to when anything in life doesn’t go the way you hoped.

Don't be unkind to yourself. Everyone has their own unique attractiveness. Celebrate you!

I was single for 30 years, I was so emotionally damaged by the relationship with my first love and father of my child that I rejected any possibility of a relationship!
I have thankfully healed.

Agree. Not saying you should only consider looks but women have been socialised enough to put there wants away as frivolous even forcing themselves to sleep with men they don't like at all. I'm not getting with a man I don't think is attractive (amongst other things) even if I will be single forever and I am fine with that.