Dp has a history of being disorganised but I don't think that's what it is. I think he has a problem saying no to people and likes the excitement of going out. We are both in our 50s, he lives with me in my house with my adult children and his dc come and visit us every other weekend.
We have a shared diary and a rule that whatever is in the diary takes preference but he is always saying stuff is in the diary when it isn't or updating it v late in the day and insisting something was in it for weeks. We've been together 6 years and outside of this issue, things are pretty good.
Next week his kids are meant to come and stay (in the diary) and because of that, I moved a few things I was going to do (people visiting etc) to a free weekend. Suddenly this morning he has announced that he is going away for an event (non work related) for a week. It's a 12 hour flight away and then a very long drive. He is making it sound like a chore but it's actually a holiday to do something he's never been interested in but something a newly single friend of his has 'suddenly' suggested they do together. He says the diary is wrong and his kids aren't coming but apparently he only found this out now.
I don't believe him. I think he's known about this holiday for ages and probably negotiated with his ex to move the time but either didn't bother to tell me or decided to only tell me last minute. Which means I could have had my friends to stay after all.
I don't care what he does with his friends but I hugely object to this thing he does where he tells me last minute all the time. There's no discussion with me or forewarning and it feels deliberate.
All he can say is 'fine I won't go then' like a fucking toddler. But it's not the going that bothers me, it's the fact that I was the last person to know and I changed arrangements based on facts that turned out not to be correct.
Maybe if this was the first time it would be fine but it's not. I can't quite explain why it's a problem but I think it's the disrespect for my time?
Last night we were eating dinner and he told my kids (I hadn't mentioned it yet as I had just found out) about this and they were like 'what the fuck?' And actually said to him you're going on holiday just like that - and aren't your kids meant to be coming? (Basically exactly what I had said!) and he accused me of setting them up - but I hadn't, I think it just genuinely surprises people when someone does this. He can't see anything wrong with it at all. I also now need to arrange the dog walker and dog sitting as I (and my adult DCs) work FT not at home and he works at home so he is here for the dog.
So are we all over reacting? Would you spring a week holiday on your partner which was clearly arranged in advance at the last minute and think it was normal?!