DS’s friend killed his hamster

[HamsterAccident]

To cut a long story short DS’s friend came round and held DS’s hamster, hamster nipped him (didn’t draw blood, but I’m sure it was a shock obviously), and friend flung hamster across the room, she landed on her back and died a little later.

DS is absolutely distraught and has vowed to cut friend out his life completely. They are year 6 age.

Any advice on how to manage this? I have reiterated that it was an accident but also I do blame myself as this friend is known to sometimes aggressively overreact with sibling so in hindsight I shouldn’t have let him hold her.

DS doesn’t have many friends so I feel really sad about the loss of this friendship, but I also see his point that even knowing it wasn’t intentional, it’s a hard thing to get over.

What?
I would fling my hand away reflexively, as if touching something hot.
That would not hurt a child but has the potential to hurt a small rodent. 🤷‍♀️
You equating a child with a hamster is also bizarre.

Anyone who is not sorry for throwing a defenceless animal doing what its instincts tells it to do is not a ‘really really nice person’.

And really, really nice people never feel the need to announce to the world that they’re really really nice.

Strange comparison as that was a vet, who would have a huge experience of animal bites and scratches ! This is a boy who presumably wouldn't and would be shocked (unless OP says his fling was a very different and delayed response).

🙄🙄🙄

i value innocence over evil

Yep that’s the attitude of you and probably your children towards animal abuse

Now the child is “evil”.
Have a word with yourself.

Who is evil here ? The Hamster? What did he or she do ?

I agree, it's really calllous. I also find it disturbing that the child's mother's response was just to buy OP's son another one.

Anyone would think her son had accidentally punctured a football, not killed a pet.

I was responding to another poster who was talking about another vet's overreaction who, as you say, would have had a lot of experience of animal bites and scratches. So thanks for supporting our point. 🤗

@ChedderGorgeous - Holly was responding to my post about the vet who also threw a hamster which was mentioned earlier in the thread.

Oh fine. Apologies

Sorry I missed this!

What should she have done?
Entered a year-long period of mourning?
Erected a statue in the hamster’s honour?

When hamsters bite, they sometimes hold on. If you fling your hand away reflexively, that can result in the hamster being thrown.

I wonder how many of the users responding so harshly have actually been bitten by a hamster? They have a lot more jaw strength that you'd think. A bad bite can really, really hurt and can bleed a lot.

We've had many, many hamsters as a family and therefore I've been bitten a few times. While I've never thrown one, I can see how it could happen to someone who is inexperienced in handling them.

Obviously I don't know if that's what happened here. It's entirely possible that many posters are right and the boy is alarmingly callous. But I also think it's possible this was a terrible accident that he reacted really badly to, because he's an 11-year-old boy who doesn't yet fully understand how he needs to react when he accidentally does something terrible.

😂you sound so caring yourself.

If the child comes from a home where violence is commonplace - either parent to child or sibling to sibling - then he will have acted out of reflex. I grew up in such a house and even now in my late 30s if I get hurt, even accidentally, my natural urge is to lash out. Obviously I'm an adult so I have to keep it under control but it catches me off guard sometimes and I'm shocked by how much my natural inclination is to hurt back. Even when my children were tiny and they hurt me accidentally whilst climbing all over me or if they were mid-tantrum, the urge to hit them back was enormous!

This can be alien to those who grew up in a violence free home but it took serious self control to break that cycle. At eleven he won't be there yet. Also, yes his response was strange but as you say the hamster didn't actually die instantly so perhaps he thought she would be okay?

Either way your son is showing good moral standing and we need more of that in boys so I would support him if he decides he doesn't want to be friends with this boy. It may be a good lesson for the boy too, who probably has been allowed to believe violence is normal. It may shame him enough to start controlling his impulses since his parents seem to be letting him down on that front.

Your all nuts going on about him being a sociopath, this was reflex response to him being bitten by the hamster. Our hamster died last year from old age but the kids weren't upset one bit, just said oh that's sad
And got in with their day.

Exactly.

I think it is normal to offer to buy a new one.

PP have usefully added that if the hamster clung on with its bite, it would be natural to fling (as stated) it away in reaction to a sharp bite. I think only OP knows the truth here.

I'm OK with you not providing me with an education because someone who believes that older children only act on impulse and aren't capable of compassion for living things is probably not qualified to educate people to begin with.

For those people who seem wanting to excuse the boy because the hamster bit him, I have a question.

Would you be fine flinging a kitten or a puppy across the room if nipped or scratched? Being scratched can hurt every bit as much as a nip, and sometimes more.

If your child bit an older child, would you be okay if the child who was bit, tossed your child across a room? I mean, the shock and all would be the same in the above cases. Where is the line drawn?

And? What’s your point ? You are proud and happy your kids were not attached to ‘just a hamster’ ? And those who are, are abnormal ? 🙄